Delving into the complexities of avoiding infidelity in marriage, this article unravels lessons from Charles, Diana, and Camilla’s saga in The Crown.
By Sarah P.
I have just finished watching the series The Crown. In this post, I am going to explore why and how marriages don’t have to melt down. In this blog post, we will explore why you do not have to have an affair on your spouse and other things that kill a marriage. I will be analyzing the dynamic of Diana, Charles, and Camilla as a real-life example.
Sadly, infidelity is a major issue in modern society. It is fast becoming a norm, as more and more people engage in it. Cheating not only causes harm to the straying partner, but it also causes emotional and mental anguish to their significant other.
If you happened to watch The Crown, the scenes of Prince Charles’ infidelity and the emotional fallout for Diana were chillingly accurate. Any betrayed spouse could see a part of themselves in Diana.
Avoiding Infidelity in Marriage: Communication is Key
So what could Prince Charles have done?
He Could Have Improved Communication
Lack of communication in any relationship is a recipe for disaster. One of the best ways to avoid having an affair is by communicating your deepest feelings openly and only with your partner. Forget office wives/husbands. Forget discussing personal matters regarding your marriage with opposite sex non-family members.
Instead, talk to your spouse about your feelings, needs, and concerns. Express to them your affection and dig deep to find value in your marriage. If you do this, it’s more likely you will be able to work together towards a mutually fulfilling relationship.
In the relationship between Princess Diana and Charles, any time Charles felt frustration, he ran to Camilla to discuss his most private marital problems. Diana was well aware of this and it caused her further hurt and anguish. When Diana brought up her hurt and anguish, Charles further withdrew. When Charles and Diana had vacations, he still chose to stay in touch with Camilla. Charles was sabotaging his marriage over and over again, when this didn’t have to be the case.
Being Intentional in Your Relationship to Avoid Infidelity**
He Could Have Been Intentional about His Relationship
One of the most effective ways of ensuring that you do not have an affair is by being intentional about your relationship. When you carve out time specifically to spend with your partner, shut all distractions out. Turn off your phone, ignore social media, and focus solely on having a good time. Look for the good in your spouse and remember HOW and why you fell in love. Hold onto those good feelings and relive those moments together. Understand that your spouse can make you happy if you let them.
Charles never truly let Diana in. She was madly in love with him and wanted nothing more than to be close to him. Prince Charles didn’t let Diana make him happy despite her loving and sunny personality.
On the other hand, stay away from temptation. If you know someone is going to tempt you, don’t engage with them. Prince Charles ran to Camilla constantly as a confidant and lover. A married Camilla enthusiastically reciprocated. They both ran into the arms of temptation rather than focusing on their spouses.
To further build bonds in your marriage, make an effort to show your partner love in numerous ways, such as cooking them meals, surprising them with gifts, and going on date nights. Find out what your spouse’s love language is and do it. You can find a deep bond in your relationship that cannot be found elsewhere, if you choose to.
In the marriage of Charles and Diana, Charles put Diana last even when he had free time. He prioritized his relationship with Camilla. This was like building a pile up gunpowder around his house, knowing full well one day a match would ignite it.
Seeking Help and Developing Coping Mechanisms
He Could Have Sincerely Sought Help
Sometimes, it is not easy to tackle issues within a relationship on your own. It could be great to talk to loved ones or seek professional counseling. A relationship counselor will help you identify the underlying issues within your relationship that could be driving you to be unfaithful and help you work towards mending the relationship.
In the case of Charles, speaking to a therapist might have helped him. But, he always boomeranged back to Camilla and sought counsel with her. The Gottman’s liken marriage to a house. And they refer to this behavior as “opening a window to someone else.”
He Could Have Developed Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Life is a series of ups and downs, and sometimes it can feel overwhelming. Finding healthy coping mechanisms, such as exercise, art therapy, or even a hobby, can help you release negative emotions in a safe and healthy way. This will help you avoid actions such as infidelity to relieve stress and find release.
Prince Charles has many duties because of his stature. But, he could have found hobbies that both he and Diana enjoyed. He could have done 1,000 things to stay away from Camilla.
Remembering the Reason for Your Choice
He Could Have Remembered Why He Chose Diana
This is arguably the most important point to remember. The temptation to cheat can be overwhelming, but it’s important to remember why you chose your partner in the first place. Keep in mind the memories that you have shared with them and the qualities that made you fall in love with them. Ultimately, remembering why you chose your partner will remind you why you should honor and respect them.
Even though Charles had a prior relationship with Camilla, he chose to marry Diana. He could have chosen to marry someone else, but he chose Diana. He fathered children with Diana. Diana absolutely adored Charles and married him out of love. From her perspective, he was the only man in the world.
Charles knew this, but it didn’t make an impact on him. Instead, he chose his playboy habits and impulses whenever he could.
Some may argue that Charles always loved Camilla. Regardless of this, Charles made the choice to marry Diana and have children with her. The word CHOICE cannot be underestimated. Some may say he was duty bound to have children. And I would argue that he was duty bound to take responsibility and be an excellent husband and father.
As we know, his actions had terrible consequences. As a result of the divorce, Diana ended up dead. Her sons lost a mother far too early, leaving them adrift.
Charles made the selfish choice to later marry Camilla, which just brought more heartbreak to his children. Marrying an affair partner doesn’t make the relationship legitimate. A piece of paper doesn’t make an affair a legitimate relationship.
My heart goes out to Prince William and Prince Harry who have to live in the shadow of their mother’s rival for the rest of their lives.
In Summary
Infidelity is an issue that affects many couples. However, it is not inevitable, and there are ways that you can avoid it. By improving communication, being intentional about your relationship, seeking help, developing healthy coping mechanisms, and remembering why you chose your partner, you can work towards building a fulfilling and loving relationship. So, don’t cheat; love and cherish your partner.
Don’t be a Prince Charles and find a way to stay away.
6 replies to "Find A Way to Stay Away – Avoiding Infidelity in Marriage"
Wasn’t Dianna and Charle’s marriage doomed from the beginning? Wasn’t he already involved with Camilla years before he had to go into a pedigree kind of marriage with Dianna for the sake of breeding heirs? I feel bad for both Dianna and Charles. It seems she thought she was marrying her prince and he couldn’t marry the woman he really loved. Who he finally did marry, by the way. All three of those people were victims of that outdated monarchy baloney. Also, Dianna isn’t “dead because she got a divorce.” That’s ludicrous. Wasn’t she finally happy with the man she was with? Unfortunately, they both died tragically in a car accident trying to outrun Paparazzi. That man wanted to be with her. Charles didn’t. I never watched The Crown, so I can’t comment on that series and its historical accuracy.
Hi Nancy,
Thank you for your comment and I appreciate your perspective.
I would highly recommend watching The Crown.
Before I saw the show, I had a very different view of this situation.
On another topic, The Crown certainly portrays a very nuanced view of infidelity and all of the layers involved when someone has an affair. The actors did such an amazing job portraying this topic. I had a visceral reaction to watching their outstanding performance.
Thanks,
Sarah
Thanks for your perspective Sarah. This grabbed me because of my situation:
“Marrying an affair partner doesn’t make the relationship legitimate. A piece of paper doesn’t make an affair a legitimate relationship.”
Unfortunately for me my CS came from a family where his father divorced his mother when he was 12 to marry his affair partner. They are still married over 25 years later and seem pretty happy and very stable. His mother is still a mess all these years later and his children all had a lot of consequences to go through. My husband is currently in a place where he has been on the fence and believes he has to choose between someone that matches him better (the AP) and someone he “knows I belong with” (me). I can’t decide if his struggle is affair fog or if he will just replay his family trauma. My situation is not a typical one I’m guessing. And there is nothing that can legitimize cheating on someone. But I can’t decide in the end how I should think about them if they can be happy and functional and if I have to have his new partner as a step patent to my 2 kids (and him a step parent to her 4 kids). Thinking of using marriage to legitimize the affair in my very specific situation makes me feel worse. I wonder if I can feel better just accepting that we are all people and all have to live our own lives. I use and love Dr. Bob Huizenga’s materials that were referred to in the email leading to this post. My spouse is mostly the #7 type of affair so he likely will just replace me and treat his new partner the same since he shared years of not communicating problems in our marriage with me recently and still really struggles with being open and intimate. I wish him well and hope he stops flip flopping bery soon so we can all move forward. My therapist is trying to help me do the letting go, because he probably will be too afriad to choose in the end and I’ll have to choose for him, like many things in our 22 year relationship. Because he is so like his dad and has so little self insight, therapy is pretty slow going for him. And in the end it feels like too much to work against for me lately. It may be better in my case to protect myself, let him go, and move on to focus on my own peace of mind eventually finding someone who is built for and willing to do the work it takes to communicate. I sadly fear my marriage is a lost cause. He is certainly choosing her right now so I’m requiring he separate himself from me as much as we can to coparent. He is resistant but he cant have it all and he can’t take forever to choose. After all like Dr. Bob says, if he keeps up the current dynamic he does not have to truly be close to anyone. But he doesn’t need to destroy me further while he sorts out his issues. I’m ok with our marriage failing at this point. I’ll do it and the rest with grace and make a different life rather than wait for him to catch up if it means my suffering and sacrifices will add up to him repeating his dad’s choices. I can do better for me and for my kids I think. I need to stop fighting and save myself. Or I guess just fight for a better cause – me.
Hi Jessica,
I am really sorry to hear about your situation.
The first thing that comes to mind is “wherever you go, there you are.” That is, your husband has childhood issues and jumping from one relationship to another will NOT fix him. It seems he is running from himself and finding a temporary distraction in the other person.
Honestly, it seems like a horror story to think you would have to coparent with this person. The damage it will do to your own children is a big deal.
Her kids plus yours? It’s not the Brady Bunch and there are no happy endings for your kids.
Honestly, I would keep fighting if only fit the sake of your kids. And if you do separate, get full custody, child support, and give him NO parenting rights.
I wonder if you could reason with him in terms of what this will to your kids. He of all people should know NOT to repeat the so-called sins of the father.
Unfortunately Charles did not have a choice. In the end it was his Mother who told them they had to divorce.
This is not how it is with most people. You are right in saying that honest communication is what is needed but when temptation arrives at the door, honesty flies out the window. There are many reasons why someone might let temptation in so it is not necessarily poor communication that proceeds an affair. It does however become part of the problem. There is not much the betrayed spouse can do if their other half has stopped being fully honest with them. Charles did not see any need to avoid having an affair. He never really loved Diana.
This is where I say “find a way to stay away.”
After I got married, I had a very wise colleague tell me about her own marriage. She said that just because she was married, she didn’t stop meeting people who could have been compatible. She handled it by not engaging with these people.
I appreciate she shared it with me because she was admitting people are only human and how she chose to deal with it.