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why do people have affairs

The Ache of Affairs and What You Can Do About It

By Sarah P. The one question that people ask after their partner has had an affair is “why?” There are many answers to this question, but not enough information on what to do about it. In this blog post, I will talk about my own answer to the “why” and “what.” But first, let’s define […]

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emotional manipulation

Cheaters Can Be Masters at Emotional Manipulation

I was exchanging emails with a woman recently whose husband had an affair lasting about 2 years, and whose behavior since discovery has been incredibly bad.  During our exchange, she forwarded me some texts that her husband had sent where he was expressing his deep sense of guilt and that he ‘didn’t know if he […]

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cheating to avoid commitment

Runaway Spouse: Cheating to Avoid Commitment

By Sarah P. Do you know how to spot a commitment-phobic person? It’s easy to spot the glaring examples of these people, but not so easy to spot clandestine commitment phobes. (I will call them CCP for short.) Most people have probably seen or heard about the film Runaway Bride that starred Julia Roberts. Each […]

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making excuses for infidelity

Stop Making Excuses for Infidelity: It’s Not in Your Biology; It’s a Decision

By Sarah P. Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on […]

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How to Use Empathy to Communicate Effectively

At the Heart of Attachment: How to Use Empathy to Communicate Effectively For On-Going Recovery

By Sarah P. Empathy is the most mysterious transaction that the human soul can have, and it’s accessible to all of us, but we have to give ourselves the opportunity to identify, to plunge ourselves in a story where we see the world from the bottom up or through another’s eyes or heart.”  – Sue Monk […]

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male infidelity

You Have Come A Long Way, Baby! – Female Gender Roles as an Attempt to Curtail Male Infidelity

By Sarah P. If you have been through an affair, you have come a long way, baby. You know your story backwards and forwards and have become a wiser person. You have been able to piece together how you got there and how far you have come. (By the way, I do smoke and I […]

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the other woman

Does the Other Woman Play A Role In an Affair or Does the Blame Land Solely on the Cheating Husbands? YOU Decide

By Sarah P. You have heard it many times: when a husband has an affair, he is 100% responsible for the affair. While this is absolutely true, it lets the other woman off the hook.  I want to look at it another way: the wayward husband is 100% responsible for his role in the affair, […]

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when affairs are deadly

When Affairs Are Deadly: Suicide and Grieving

By Sarah P. No one ever knows to what extent infidelity can truly consume a life. Like a fire, infidelity is indiscriminate in whom it harms and like an out-of-control blaze; it harms everyone and everything in its path. The fall out of infidelity burns through families and lives. The unfortunate truth that nothing that […]

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boundaries after the affair

Boundaries After the Affair – How to Use Physical, Geographical, and Emotional Boundaries to Move Forward

  by Sarah P. After you find out about your husband’s or wife’s affair, the very first thing that you must realize is that nothing will be normal again. Your task is to create a new normal as a couple and that normal includes a marriage that will ultimately be better than before. But that […]

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rebuilding your marraige

When You Decide to Stay: Dealing with triggers and the issue of trust while rebuilding your marriage.

Sarah P.     About 15 years ago, I was interviewing for a contract position at a tech company. The hiring manager wanted an informal interview, so he and I went and had lunch at the company cafeteria. He didn’t have a filter and the conversation went like this: “You know, trust is a really […]

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