By Sarah P. Not all negative communication patterns are alike. Sorting through the most harmful of these patterns has been one of the main areas of research for Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They have narrowed the four most harmful communication patterns down and refer to these patterns as The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, […]
We are launching a new series that we’ll run periodically called “You Decide” where you will provide your opinion on a fictional affair scenario. For each column, there will be a different scenario that has to do with infidelity. The purpose of this exercise is to define what infidelity means as well as to help […]
By Sarah P. Imagine this scenario: you have a friend who always tells little white lies. Or worse, imagine that you have a friend who intentionally cheats on taxes or has extramarital affairs. From your perspective, it is evident that this person is being highly unethical in his or her behavior. But, this same person […]
By Sarah P. Abandonment causes deep shame. Abandonment by betrayal is worse than mindless neglect. Betrayal is purposeful and self-serving. If severe enough, it is traumatic.” Patrick J. Carnes, PhD (1) The other day when I was looking for studies in psychology databases, I saw an abstract that caught my eye. The abstract basically said […]
The Nuts and Bolts of Affair Recovery – The elements that need to be present in order to heal from an affair.
What are the basic elements that need to work together to help you heal from the affair? By Sarah P. This article is about some of the ‘must-haves’ that need to occur during the healing from infidelity. Conversely, there are other actions and processes that are more nuanced that need to occur, but this article […]
By Sarah P. This is Sarah’s second installment of her series on the leverage a betrayed spouse has after infidelity. This post will address the leverage men have when their wives have been unfaithful. (To read the first part of the two part series, you can click here.) Most of the articles on this […]
by Sarah P. Note: This is the first installment of a two-part series where Sarah P. will address the leverage one has when their spouse won’t leave their affair partner. This week she addresses when the husband won’t end the affair and next week she’ll dig into when the wife won’t leave her affair partner. It’s one […]
It’s a couple days after Christmas as we write this and we both feel pretty exhausted. Christmas is always such a whirlwind around our home but this year seemed even more so. Perhaps it’s because we had back-to-back nights where we cooked and entertained for about 20 people – or maybe just that we’re getting […]
How about a pre-Christmas discussion? Let’s delve into your affair recovery wishlist during the holiday season. The holidays are here and Christmas is just a few days away and we’re sure that many of you trying to get some last minute shopping done and are hoping for some holiday cheer. Yet at the same time […]
Almost four years ago, one of our readers, “blueskyabove” made a comment on a post that we thought was pretty great. We wanted to convert it to a post back then, but forgot about it for some reason. Luckily, we ran across it again the other day and decided to share it now. Better late than never! […]
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This short guide tells you what you need to know to survive the affair, heal yourself and emerge on the other side a stronger person.
- It’s Tough To Stop an Emotional Affair March 15, 2011
- When the Other Woman Becomes the Wife September 6, 2012
- Real Reasons the Emotional Affair Happened February 2, 2012
- Staying After Cheating: Is It the Right Thing to Do? October 11, 2016
- How Does A Betrayed Spouse Heal from Cheating? July 5, 2013
- Open House Discussion August 28, 2013
- Does the Other Woman Play A Role In an Affair or Does the Blame Land Solely on the Cheating Husbands? YOU Decide July 19, 2016
- Discussion: Why Do Men and Women Cheat? October 5, 2011
- Musings on Infidelity: Affairs Are Not Original and Not Excusable March 28, 2017
- Struggling to Heal? You Have to Reach! March 21, 2017
- The Last of the Four Horsemen: Stonewalling March 14, 2017
- You Decide: Is it an emotional affair or not? March 7, 2017
- John Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Defensiveness February 28, 2017
- Coping with the Pain of Infidelity February 21, 2017
- Discussion: What Stage of the Affair Recovery Process are You In at Present? February 14, 2017
- Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Part 2: Contempt February 7, 2017
- Tired: I just re read this article. It is so spot on. My ...
- Tired: Also Puzzled, that blank and angry stare. I have s...
- Tired: Puzzled. I think we will go to counselling. Perhap...
- Shifting Impressions: Puzzled I love that fishbowl idea........I think ...
- Puzzled: Keeping her from becoming defensive is the challen...
- Hopefull: Puzzled, These conversations are so hard. My husba...
- Robert M.: So I haven't mentioned anything about the affair ...
- Doug: That's good to hear Broken2! Though it sucks bad ...
- Affair Signs
- After the Affair
- Catch a Cheating Spouse
- Dealing with Infidelity
- Emotional Affairs
- Ending an Affair
- Forgiving Infidelity
- Healing From Infidelity
- Marriage Building
- Our Emotional Affair Story
- Preventing Infidelity
- Save Your Marriage
- Self Help
- Sex and Marriage
- Surviving an Affair