By promising fidelity to your partner, you are declaring that you will be honoring your commitment no matter how inconvenient it might become.
By Linda & Doug
Today we have a guest article from Dr. Joe Rubino. Dr. Rubino is an internationally acclaimed expert on the topic of self-esteem and a life-changing personal development trainer.
He has personally witnessed the magic that results when couples begin to follow some very simple principles that result in establishing an entirely new tone in their relationship and a new way of seeing, honoring and interacting with each other.
It’s apparent that small changes can turn a troubled relationship around and restore that loving feeling that once existed between two people but somehow became lost in time as bad habits and sloppy communication wreaked havoc, threatening to destroy the love that once seemed so inevitable.
Fidelity: Honoring Your Commitment Rather Than What’s Convenient
In the beginning, when a relationship is new, couples are attracted to each other in a romantic and sexually exciting way. Over time, some of the initial early attraction may fade. In place of the romantic love that initially fueled a relationship, can come a more permanent and lasting form of love that grows with time.
Such enduring love goes far beyond the excitement of a new relationship and is based upon commitment and honoring of each other. It means living by the Golden Rule and treating each other in a way that each partner would wish to be treated themselves.
Love that endures goes far beyond just physical attraction. Such attraction can, of course, continue. But the bond of a lasting relationship is forged by each partners’ commitment to the other person in a much larger way.
Acting from commitments within a relationship requires courage and character. One of the most prominent reasons why people fail in their relationships is that one or both partners may act out of what is convenient in the moment rather than in accordance with their commitments.
When they act from a desire to satisfy a new physical attraction or to explore a new relationship that is without the baggage or resentment that can accumulate over time with the same partner, partners sacrifice trust, honor, and commitment for the fleeting excitement or short-lived gratification of a new attraction.
Couples who operate from their rock-solid commitment to each other do not allow themselves to be distracted from the source of their promises – that is their pledge to honor their relationship first and foremost.
By taking such a stand for their relationship with a promise of fidelity to their partner, they are declaring, as an act of courage, their commitment to an ideal, no matter how inconvenient that commitment might become.
By deciding to honor such a commitment to their partner, they are, in effect, deciding to trust themselves in the moment of decision to do the “right” thing. With respect to many of life’s tougher decisions, this looks like acting in alignment with what serves one most rather than what may be more convenient or comfortable to do.
Partners who act out of their principles rather than out of what might be most convenient for them to do at that particular time operate from a ruthless commitment on their part to being clear about what they are really most committed to – their relationship, vision, goals, and principles rather than to taking the easy way out.
It’s up to them to decide which is more important every time an opportunity comes up in which they can either act in a way that honors their relationship or in a way that provides them with what feels exciting or expedient at the time.
This critical moment of decision, “The Y of the Relationship” is the “fork” in the road requiring a partner to make a courageous choice in the moment of a difficult decision.
Doing what is convenient…or…Remaining faithful to a promise
Taking the easy way out…or…Doing the right thing
Doing what feels good…or…Honoring commitments
Looking good…or…Telling the truth
Being liked or popular…or…Remaining true to one’s partner
Selling out a partner…or…Acting for the benefit of the relationship
Each partner is at the fork in the road, when an opportunity to make a decision regarding whether to honor a commitment or do what is convenient.
Partners who have already decided to take the path that honors their relationship will not be put into a dilemma when the opportunity to make a decision on any difficult life issue arises.
The decision to take the “right” path is one that each partner will be required to make each time a new situation arises that tests their commitment and courage. This difficult challenge is never handled but must be chosen anew each time another opportunity presents itself.
A faithful partner decides time and again to act from their commitments, and in so doing, they will strengthen the muscle of being able to trust themselves to be counted upon.
Empowered relationships are those in which each partner exercises their personal power as a result of their courageous and never ending declaration to act from the perspective of their commitments to their values and to their partner and the honoring of the relationship.
Consider the following…
1) Gain clarity on what your commitments are to your partner and to the relationship so you are not forced to act out of what feels good or is convenient to do in a weak moment.
Notice in particular each time you are about to choose NOT to take the path of courage that aligns with the best interests of your relationship. Commit mentally to making the tough decisions anyway, no matter how inconvenient they may be.
2) Become clear about what the costs are should you fail to choose the path of courageous commitment to your partner and relationship rather than to doing what you feel like doing that would dishonor your promise.
3) If you have acted in the past in a way that has violated your partner’s trust, decide to learn from your mistakes, recommit to taking the courageous path that champions your relationship in the future.
Dr. Rubino is the CEO of The Center for Personal Reinvention, an organization committed to the personal excellence and empowerment of all people. He is known for his groundbreaking work in personal and leadership development, building effective teams, enhancing listening and communication skills, life and business coaching and optimal life planning.