By Sarah P.
My husband asked me to sit down and start the show “The Last Man On Earth” with him. He had read the reviews and told me others viewers liked it. I loved the first and second episodes, but in the third episode, I became so irrationally angry that I could not continue the show.
The premise of the show is that a virus kills most of humanity and after two years alone, the last man and woman on earth finally meet. She could be considered annoying by some, but regardless, she is a good person with a good heart. He on the other hand is a man-child and portrays the worst in male human nature when rules and society disappear. They get married because she says she will not ‘repopulate’ the planet without being married.
Of course, he thinks he deserves better and does not appreciate her. Then, January Jones enters the picture as the third last person on earth. Everything quickly falls apart because the last man on earth becomes obsessed with the January Jones character and does not even try to hide it.
He tries to convince his wife that he needs to mate with both of them to preserve humanity. Of course, that is not his real motive—he is an incredibly selfish, immature, man-child who cares not for the feelings of others and cares not if he deeply hurts his wife.
That’s when I turned it off because I became enraged. The character’s treatment of his wife is so heinous and demeaning to her that I could not continue watching it. You see, his character is basically a summary of a type of man out there that actually exists.
There are quite a few men in this world that, when they meet an attractive woman besides their wife, will stop at nothing to bed that woman. In fact, that woman may not be more attractive than his wife and often she is not as attractive as his wife. But, she is different and that difference drives him blindly forward.
He puts on blinders and completely ignores his wife’s feelings—he completely ignores the fact that he will be breaking up his family and leaving many broken hearts in his wake. He needs that different woman and will stop at nothing.
A Mistress’ Tale…
I started researching this phenomena online and I came across an anonymous post on the Experience Project website. A mistress, who called herself “Anonymous,” wrote a post telling her side of the story and the psychology of these men.
I in no way empathize or condone infidelity under any circumstance. Still, I felt it is important to share her insights because she says some things that maybe the rest of us haven’t thought about. Please be aware that the man she describes is not all men and does not represent all cheating husbands. Still, it’s worth a read.
Anonymous begins, “Don’t you women get it yet? Most married men are not going to leave their wife for the other woman. These men want the best of both worlds and as long as you’re giving it to them, that’s how things will be.”
Research actually supports what she is saying. According to the latest research, 90% of men don’t leave their wives for their mistress. Most divorces happen when a fed-up wife leaves. (And I support those women who leave just as I support those women who stay.)
Anonymous continues, “These men are just missing that spark that passion that their marriage has lost. And they want the excitement of someone new. Oh at first, they really think that they’re in love, but as time goes by they realize that they aren’t as it becomes more routine.”
She is pointing out a flaw that I believe many men have. But, it doesn’t matter whether they feel their marriage is stale. First off all, they need to do something about it so that it isn’t stale. Secondly, it is always their choice to action it or not. It is never an excuse, but I do believe most men deal with this at one point or another.
Anonymous points out, “All these men want is the thrill of being with somebody new and to know that they’re still attractive to other women. They want the stability they have with their wife and the excitement they have with the other woman. They want the best of both. When the other woman starts pressuring the married man to leave his wife, normally he dumps her.”
She reinforces that when men stray, they don’t do it because they have fallen out of love with their wives or want a divorce. They have fallen in lust with someone else and sometimes it is as simple as that.
Anonymous has more to say: “Now I’m not saying all married men are like this. But I am saying that you deserve better! Why do we as women put up with this? I myself put up with this for over eight years. My married man did marry me, but he has cheated on me too. Do you really believe you are the difference? I did! Even though he promised to never bring strife into our marriage and never cheat on me, the fact is he did!”
So, Anonymous found out that even if the rare man leaves his wife and marries his mistress, he goes out and cheats on the mistress too. The other woman always thinks she will be “different’. She makes up a story in her head that the married man is her soul mate and that normally he is a loyal guy (snicker); she reasons that she is different—indeed she is better—and he will never cheat on her. I guess women like this never heard the phrase, “A zebra never changes its stripes”. Plus, how can a man respect or trust a woman who has been his mistress?
Anonymous continues and wants others to share in her pity party: “If you happen to be lucky enough to have your MM leave his wife and family, it can be even worse. Once his wife and family find out about you, you have now become the enemy and it’s all your fault. You’re a terrible home wrecker and the kids will never like you and the wife has nothing nice to say about you. They usually end up alienating the married man too. The children listened to their mother and the horrible thing she has to say about the father and the woman that took him from her so their opinion is not very good of your relationship. They tend not to want to be around you and if they are they usually just want something from you.”
Oh wah, what a tragedy. It never ceases to amaze me the level of entitlement other women have in regards to what they did. This attitude drives me insane and I want to tell these women to wake up and to look at how their actions lead to their unhappy situation. They are not victims—they are active participants in their own demise. And yet, they never want to take responsibility.
Finally, Anonymous ends on an interesting note. She summarizes, “Things that aren’t issues to a normal couple, end up creating problems for the new relationship. Family functions don’t usually go very well. You end up fighting with your spouse over the stupidest things. So I ask you, is he really worth all that? And if he did it to her you can bet he’ll do it to you! Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, and we all hope we have that exception. But, the truth is we can’t all have that exception. So all you other women stand up for yourselves demand respect and get a man you deserve!”
From the horse’s mouth—what can I say? For starters, a woman’s behavior, actions, and decisions end up getting her the man she deserves. (The exception here is women in abusive relationships).
It sure seems like most mistresses just don’t get it…
And moreover they don’t want to accept the consequences of their actions. They continue to play the victim in these situations and refuse to see that the real victims are the wives and the children whose lives will be forever changed. Infidelity is a BIG, stinking deal. Lives are changed irrevocably and there is a negative trickle down that can affect many future generations.
Of course, everyone has the ability to heal, to renew their lives, and to come out the other end unscathed. If you have been cheated on, remember that there is nothing you did to deserve it, nothing you did to create it, and nothing you did to cause it.
The bottom line is, everyone has a choice in how they conduct their life. But, don’t allow his/her choices to impact you. There is hope and there are steps you can take to come out the other end a much stronger and more peaceful version of yourself.
You see, the bottom line is, the unfaithful’s actions only affect you for as long as you let them. Give yourself time to go through the grieving process and then let go of his/her actions. They do not define you in any way.
We’d like to thank Sarah P. for once again contributing to our blog. Sarah is a busy writer and mom and has two Master’s degrees – one in English and another in clinical psychology.