There’s an axiom that we have noticed from comments, emails and observations that seems to indicate that most all cheaters “affair down.”
In general, this means that the person someone cheats with tends not to be as attractive, interesting, engaging, etc. as the primary partner who is being cheated on.
Rick Reynolds, LCSW says…
“I have never seen a situation where I felt an individual “affaired up”- meaning that they end up with a better person. It may seem like a better decision at the time, but it will prove it to be a step down.”
If nothing else, it will be a step down in terms of maturity, character, integrity, intelligence, loyalty, spirituality, sincerity, etc.
The reasons for why a person “affairs down” are potentially limitless, but the one noticed most often seems to be that the affair partner made the cheater feel good while stroking his/her ego so much that it didn’t matter what he/she looked like or how his/her character was.
Basically, the wayward spouse is needy and looking for someone to boost his/her ego and winds up looking for someone beneath him/her.
This person will make the cheater feel superior, if only temporarily.
Even if the affair partner’s appearance is attractive, it’s just a wrapping for something that is no match for his/her spouse.
So for the discussion this week…
In what ways do you feel that your spouse (or you) “affaired down?”
What do you feel were the reasons for this?
What effect does this “affaring down” have on your view of your spouse’s (or your) affair and his/her (your) mindset at the time?
Does the fact that your spouse did affair down make it easier or harder to take?
The website, The Hero’s Spouse has an interesting article on why a person might “affair down.” Though this is written in the context of a person experiencing a mid-life crisis, we thought it could possibly offer some further insight.
Thanks in advance to all who participate and remember to reply to one another in the comment section.
Linda & Doug