How an Affair Stole Christmas – Well, Not Really but it Sure Can Make it Complicated

Christmas crazyA messed up story of a Christmas made complicated as a result of infidelity. (Somewhat tongue in cheek)

There once was a man who had been married for over 25 years to the same woman.  For most of that time they lived a wonderful life with their three beautiful kids. 

The years went by and the kids grew up and left for college and careers, while the man and woman immersed themselves in their work and in their own hobbies and interests. 

Eventually, the man got a huge promotion and was required to move to another city.  Thinking that this would be a short term assignment in his climb up the corporate ladder, they decided that he would live in the new city alone and commute home on the weekends.

Well, this worked for a while but as the months went on, instead of returning each weekend, it soon became every other weekend and eventually he only returned once a month, if that.

While in the new city, the man worked long hours and traveled quite often.  When not traveling, he had a favorite restaurant that he liked to frequent as he was not a good cook and he was often too tired from work to cook for himself. 

One night, while sitting at the bar in the restaurant, he struck up a conversation with an attractive younger female.  They laughed and flirted and generally had a nice discussion.  He enjoyed himself very much.

Well, long story short, they wound up having an affair.  After several months his wife found out so he made the decision that what he was doing was very wrong.  He broke off the affair and returned home to try to reconcile with his wife and work on his marriage.

They really didn’t put 100% effort or commitment into it and not surprisingly, they were not successful. 

Christmas divorceThey soon filed for divorce which caused the family much sadness and heartbreak.  The woman was in a tremendous amount of pain and anguish while the kids were mad as hell at their Dad.  He understood and felt that as time went on they would get over it.

While they waited for the divorce to be finalized the man resumed his relationship with his affair partner.  Eventually, his wife and kids found out which caused even more pain, anguish and anger.  The man felt that it was his life and he was going to live it the way he wanted to, so he tuned his family out which caused the rift between them to widen.

Once the divorce was final in the summer of 2012, the man and his “girlfriend” left on a vacation to a tropical island.  Without telling anyone, they got married on a beach at the resort where they were staying.  When his family found out, the kids were enraged even more, while his ex-wife slid into deep depression.

Fast forward to December 2013.  For the last several months the newlyweds have lived in their own little bubble.  They have lost a lot of friends and have distanced themselves from a lot of people who were close to them throughout their lives.   The man only talks with his kids on occasion and it seems as though his ex-wife is now just a distant memory.

One day, the ex-wife calls her ex-mother-in-law (who she is still close to) and informs her that she and her kids will all be coming to visit for Christmas.  This was great news to the ex-mother-in-law as it had been quite a while since the whole family was together for Christmas and she hadn’t seen her grandchildren for many months.

For some reason though, when she mentioned this to her son, he was less than thrilled.  It seems that even though he had been married to his new wife for well over a year, his kids still had not met her and there had really been no attempts at doing so.

Christmas calmThings all of a sudden got very complicated.  You see, for years the man’s sister hosted the annual Christmas family get-together.  Due to the divorce however, the previous year’s celebration did not include his kids as they did not want to be in the same house as their Father’s new wife.

Now what was the man going to do?  He wanted to see his kids and he wanted everyone to be together for Christmas, but there was no way he was going to have them meet his new wife for the first time at the annual family gathering.  In fact, his sister and her husband would not allow it. 

So the man agreed that it would not be fair for everyone involved for that to happen so he told his sister that if his kids were going to come to her house for Christmas that he and his new wife would not attend and would instead visit on Christmas Eve, or perhaps even the day after Christmas.  

Being the organized planner that she was, his sister wanted to know exactly who was coming and when.  So she got on the phone and contacted her mother (who speaks to her grandchildren on a regular basis) as she thought she might know their plans.  “When were they coming?  Where are they staying? Are they coming to my house on Christmas?” she asked.  “Uh…I have no idea.” her Mother replied.  She didn’t even know when everyone was going to be arriving in town, much less what they were doing.

She wasn’t alone. The man (in an effort to get some brownie points) was arranging and paying for his kids’ flights, but for some reason hadn’t told anyone yet of the itinerary.  Curious indeed. 

As Christmas got closer there was still not much information being offered by the man – except for one little tidbit…

It turns out that the kids were now going to meet his new wife a day or so before Christmas and then they all were going to be attending the annual Christmas gathering together (except for the ex-wife of course).  In fact, the man was insisting that his kids stay with him and his new wife the entire 3-4 days that they were going to be in town. 

Oh joyful all ye angels!  A solution to his dilemma!

Now, his kids can meet his new trophy wife and discover on their own just how wonderful she really is.  Certainly they will love her instantly and want nothing more than to spend ten hours with her on that blessed day, getting to know her better and generally basking in her greatness.

But wait!  Could there potentially be a lump of coal in the proverbial stocking?  Could it be possible that the kids might NOT like her all that much?  If not, then Christmas day will surely turn into ten hours of hell for all who were in attendance.  It will certainly turn out to be the most stressful Christmas ever.

Needless to say, the man’s sister and her husband are less than optimistic that the introductory meeting will go so smoothly.  In fact, they are predicting that it will fail miserably and that the new wife will be so traumatized by the wrath of his kids that she will back out of coming to the Christmas gathering altogether. 

What on earth will the rest of the family do if that were to happen?!! 

Why, spend a nice, quiet, drama-free, tension-free Christmas together with parents, grandparents, nieces and nephews – that’s what.

The End (Or is it?)


(Note:  I realize this post may not make any sense to the readers who are fairly new to our site.  For a bit of background you might want to read this post.)

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26 Responses to How an Affair Stole Christmas – Well, Not Really but it Sure Can Make it Complicated

  1. battleborn December 20, 2013 at 8:35 am #

    If his children are in on the secret then it’s their decision to meet and greet the trophy wife. It will be on them if it doesn’t work out. On the other hand if he is trying to do this without telling them, he is an idiot and deserves anything that happens.

    Christmas is not the appropriate time to have children meet the woman who destroyed their mothers life, not to mention theirs. IMHO he is still a selfish, nasty asshole who is not thinking of anyone but himself, much less his entire family.

    What about their Mom? Has anyone even thougt about her? What about her Christmas? This would introduce another aspect to her life. Would she be able to overcome her anger and hurt to accept that her children like his new wife? Again I say he is a selfish man… unless he is out to hurt her then he would have succeeded.

    Too many “what if’s” for this story. There are too many variables, but I would say that he is the true GRINCH.

    • Doug December 20, 2013 at 9:00 am #

      Hey BB, the kids do not want to meet her on Christmas either – or ever for that matter. One of the reasons that the kids do not want to stay with their Dad is that they also want to spend time with their Mom. In fact, we will be having her over to our house along with the kids on Christmas Eve. He is being selfish and he is protecting his new wife’s feelings to the point of destroying his relationship with his kids, upsetting his parents and generally pissing Linda and me off.

      • Strengthrequired December 20, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

        Doug, you see the other side of the coin, as you have been there. May I ask though, in your affair did Tanya take up all of your free time, even that time you Would get to spend with your kids?
        I know it did with my husband, he was lucky to see our kids for 10min before he had to rush off and be with his ow. Tbh, I think that is where it hurt me the most, considering he had 4 young children that missed and wanted to see him, one of which had just turned one at the time. It was seeing the hurt in my children’s eyes each time he left.
        So that’s why I ask you, did Tanya take your free time away from your kids too?

        • Doug December 20, 2013 at 4:59 pm #

          SR, no she did not take time away from my kids – other than for texting or phone calls. We saw one another at work most every day and other than the texting and calls, that was it. That said, I did perhaps spend more time at work than I normally would have, but not much.

          • Strengthrequired December 20, 2013 at 5:12 pm #

            I’m glad to hear that Doug, my children barely saw my h to begin with, so that bit of time they did was taken from them. Now every time they see their dad, he cuddles into them, all four of my youngest children find a place next to him, just to be close to him. It’s nice to see them so close to him, even if they all fight over his lap. Lol. Yet it just brings to the forefront of how much they have lost since the ow came into our lives. How much they too have sacrificed, at no choice of their own, it was just “this is what needs to be done, we will see daddy when we see him”. Whereas before they would see him everyday. I know it is hard on them. They would ask everyday is daddy coming home today, and now they must be getting used to the answer no., because now the two younger ones ask a couple of times a week, but the older two ask just once a week now.
            The excitement on their faces when you say yes, is priceless, yet the disappointment on their faces when you say no is heartbreaking.

          • Battleborn December 20, 2013 at 6:18 pm #

            Sorry Doug, but my h said the same thing. He said that phone calls and texting were not “time away” from his family. Yes it is. You were mentally away from your family, you were physically away while you were texting unless you can text w/o looking at the screen and you were holding the phone, right? YEP, your affair did take your time away from your family.

            • Doug December 20, 2013 at 6:29 pm #

              Yes you are indeed correct BB. My bad. There were certainly times when I was not present mentally.

  2. exercisegrace December 20, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

    This is the affair fallout that most cheaters don’t understand. Actions have consequences, and sometimes they are quite far-reaching. He chose to cheat. He chose to destroy his family and hurt his children. He chose his affair partner. Of the many options available, he chose the least honorable. Now is not the time to act innocent and bewildered as to why the kids aren’t willing to meet the co-conspirator in the destruction of their world. Will the kids feel this way forever? Who knows. In the meantime, I think he should do what every good parent does. Put his kids first. This might mean attending one or two family events a year WITHOUT the tramp. He was a father before she came along. She KNEW this entailed great responsibility on his part. She KNEW she was destroying a family. No more cake-eating. Accept that your marriage is not going to look like a decent marriage would and should. It was conceived in lies and born into darkness. She should INSIST he go places alone with his kids. Who knows? Someday they might respect her for trying to preserve their relationship with their father. It might pave the way for a relationship with her. But the choices these two made will likely preclude the “fuzzy bunny” type of familial ties forever.

  3. Strengthrequired December 20, 2013 at 4:59 pm #

    I’m feeling so very sad and sorry for your brothers family Linda, maybe your brother is happy with his new life, maybe he is hoping that his children will love this new wife once they get to know her, I’m sure all cheaters hope that to some extent. Yet as far as the childreni go, they see the person that tore there family apart, it doesn’t matter what problems there was between their parents, they see the ow as the cause, and tbh they would be right. If your brother had found this ow after his divorce things would have been somewhat different. Christmas or other holiday events would have been somewhat different to what it is now. I do hope Christmas goes well, hopefully the tension won’t be too hard where you can feel it.

  4. Saw the Light December 20, 2013 at 6:07 pm #

    I can really relate to this story, although some of the details are different. My H hasn’t married his AP but my adult kids are having to manage their anger in order to have a relationship with their dad and I am having to figure stuff out to do while they all gather for a dinner without me. The gift that keeps on giving.

    • Sadsomuch December 21, 2013 at 6:24 pm #

      STL, you are so right it is the gift that keeps on giving. I encourage my children to spend time with their dad but they have told me that they will not leave me “alone” on Christmas. What sweet kids I have that they would sacrifice time with other parts of the family so that I have no time by myself on Christmas Day. I told them their dad was welcome to come to our house for Christmas but I don’t know if he will take me up on the offer. His decision to make.

      • Saw the Light December 21, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

        You are brave. I cannot spend time with my ex. But I am very glad for you that your kids “get it” and that they care so much for you. I hope your Christmas is wonderful!

  5. Rachel December 23, 2013 at 4:23 am #

    My ex has been discussing me with my friends and family members. He can’t understand why we can’t be friends. I have told him after what he has done and said, we will never be friends. He said thru email that he has been telling people this because he is a nice guy???
    Trying to back peddle after all that he has done.
    Is there anything legally that I can do to stop him from this??
    First of all why would any one stop and talk to him after what he has done to me and my boys? I would just keep walking if this situation happened to my friend.
    I am sick and tired of his constant involvement with my family and friends. I just want to lice my life free of him !!!
    Help, would like some advise.

    • Doug December 23, 2013 at 4:07 pm #

      Hey Rachel, I sure don’t know of any legal way to stop him from doing this. Perhaps someone with better knowledge of the law may know. Is this some warped way for him to try and get you guys back together or what?

      • Rachel December 23, 2013 at 6:30 pm #

        Doug,
        Nothing would surprise me!

  6. Gizfield December 23, 2013 at 7:38 am #

    Rachel, if they know what he has done, my advice would be not to play his game and ignore him. It’s hard I know but your reaction is what he wants. I was president of a group of about 30 people once. One lady got mad and quit, then continuously trashed me out to mutual friends. I never said anything bad about her in return. I know, incredible for me. People complimented me so much on my restraint, lol. They know who the crazy one is without you telling them. Friends with him? Really, lol?

  7. Rachel December 23, 2013 at 12:53 pm #

    Thank you, giz. Merry christmas !

  8. Tryinghard December 23, 2013 at 11:33 pm #

    Very good post. I know who they are!!! Poor Linda. Hey you’re not alone, we put the “fun” in dysfunctional family too:). Surly the kids aren’t going to leave their mom all alone for the whole holiday? And ten hours?!?!? I would rather take a stick in the eye. Maybe the ex wife will have a better time all alone:/. I give those kids two hours tops.

  9. Tryinghard December 23, 2013 at 11:42 pm #

    Very good post. I know who they are!!! Poor Linda. Hey you’re not alone, we put the “fun” in dysfunctional family too:). Surly the kids aren’t going to leave their mom all alone for the whole holiday? And ten hours?!?!? I would rather take a stick in the eye. Maybe the ex wife will have a better time all alone:/. I give those kids two hours tops.

    The new wife doesn’t give two cents about meeting his kids. She could care less if they have a relationship with her husband/their father. She knows they hate her and most likely always will. She is encouraging him not to have a relationship with his kids that way he is totally dependent on her. No interference that makes him feel bad. Again he wants his cake and eat it too. The kids represent his old life and she sure as hell doesn’t want that let alone him spending money on them. I’d have her over and give her a major cold shoulder. IMHO 🙂

  10. Broken2 December 24, 2013 at 7:26 am #

    What a mess Doug. Hope all goes well for you guys. I am sure this is an issue for many families each year and a sad result of a horrible choice. Merry Christmas to both of you and thank you for always being here for us. You both have been a source of inspiration and support.

  11. Rachel December 24, 2013 at 12:36 pm #

    Merry Christmas all!

    • Strengthrequired December 25, 2013 at 5:07 am #

      Merry Christmas all, it’s almost over here for us in the land of oz, so have a wonderful day everyone

  12. CookieMomster January 7, 2014 at 10:18 am #

    Very, very different story with some similarities: My sister’s husband moves across the country for job opportunities NINE YEARS AGO! She stays in home state until youngest graduates from school and home sells, visiting hubby bi-weekly. Hubby rarely, if EVER, returns to home state. The rest of sister’s family (my family) hardly notices a thing because he never accompanied her to our family gatherings, etc. anyway. Her life changes drastically, of course, because of the protracted separation. Even though her husband is aware of her depression regarding the situation, which has over the course of years manifested itself in drinking and physical problems for my sister, he does nothing to change it. Daughter graduates and house is leased…. finally sister can join husband, right? Well, sister works for husband’s brother who “needs” her, so husband comes and rents his wife an apartment in home state and returns to other side of the country. More drinking, more sadness, more unaccompanied family events (when our daughter got married, he cancelled TWO DAYS before the wedding and my sister attended alone…. and drank a little too much.) Fast forward to Summer 2013. Sister is diagnosed with melanoma and is dead in six weeks!! Brother-in-law makes big show at funeral, brother-in-law decides to start spending lots of time in home state now because “life is short” and youngest daughter still lives here, and the icing on the cake: brother-in-law becomes my mother’s “pen pal” emailing and calling almost daily to talk about the woman he neglected for nine years… but never once expressing any regret. Mom invites brother-in-law to family Christmas. A good time was had by all…. not!!

    • tryinghard January 7, 2014 at 10:34 am #

      Cookie
      OMG!! That is a story! I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. I know melanoma is a terrible cancer but I had no idea it could take someone so fast. Your poor Mother, how does she stand having anything to do with him? One thing he is right about is that life is too short. Too bad someone had to die for him figure that out!!! UGH!

      I think one of the biggest and greatest lessons I have learned through all this is that people are EFFED UP and WEIRD!!! Every once in a while I see a little glimmer of goodness and my hope is restored in humanity, but for the most part I see nothing but a bunch of immature clods roaming this earth. I think my biggest challenge is accepting this fact and finding peace and happiness despite it.

  13. Gizfield January 7, 2014 at 10:30 am #

    CM, what a horrible man your BIL is. So sorry about your sister. Sad story. These guts create these situations, then use them as excuses to be Assholes. Ugh.

  14. Gizfield January 7, 2014 at 10:59 am #

    These people cause so much damage in the world that it is ridiculous. Last night I watched an episode of “Hoarders” and there was a lady on there named Merlene. Sixty, seventy maybe. She had been a fashion model, then fell in love with a young man whose father invented the Lear jet. They got married and had a child. When their daughter was 2, Merlene got a PHONE CALL he wanted a divorce. That is low down. She didn’t ever remarry from what I could tell and ruined her life and the life of her daughter. She may have already had mental problems, I dont know, but that is just an awful story. And yes, adultery was involved on his part.

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