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you must stop being the victim

You Must Stop Being the Victim

We’ve used the word victim a lot on this site; typically with respect to the person who has been betrayed by their partner’s infidelity. We use the term because the betrayed is indeed a victim. If you question that for any reason, then here is the official dictionary definition of victim: a person who suffers […]

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coping with infidelity

Coping with Infidelity – Self-Care and Living for Yourself

A few months ago I was mentoring a younger woman (younger than me at least) and she had recently discovered her husband’s 2-year long physical and emotional affair. Needless to say she was not in a good place at the time. As she told her story it became apparent that the affair was becoming extremely […]

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surviving an affair

Surviving an Affair Requires Effective Communication and ACTION

We’ve certainly discussed the fact that surviving an affair requires communication – effective communication, that is,  So today we wanted to give you some additional Do’s and Don’ts for improving communication, as well as introduce you to the ACTION formula. Marriage and Family Therapist, Jeff Murrah LPC, LMFT, LCDC delivered these nuggets during a webinar we […]

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Advice for Betrayed Spouses – What to Do and What Not to Do

We came across the following piece of advice somewhere online. Neither one of us can remember exactly where, though it has the distinct feel of the Marriage Builders forum. In general, it offers sound advice for betrayed spouses to follow after affair discovery. As with any advice piece, it may not apply in its entirety […]

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talking about the emotional affair

Post Rerun – Stupid Things I Did After the Emotional Affair

For the next couple of weeks both Linda and I will be extremely busy.  I’ve got a huge event going on for work that will demand a ton of my time, while Linda is dealing with her mother who was just diagnosed with possible kidney cancer.  (It was detected early so we’re pretty sure she […]

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common misconceptions about infidelity

The 9 Most Common Misconceptions about Infidelity

As a psychiatrist in the Brown University faculty, Scott Haltzman, MD has been researching men, women, marriage and relationships for more than a decade. In that time, he’s learned a lot about infidelity.  One thing he has realized is that when people find out about infidelity, they often make all kinds of assumptions about how and […]

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surviving an affair

Should You Tell Your Partner if You’re Having an Affair?

We received an email this past week that included a video recording of a Google Hangout session where there was a panel discussion of sorts about the pros and cons of whether one should tell their partner if they were having an affair. We’ve addressed this topic a while back and it seems to be […]

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when there is a child as a result of an affair

When There is a Child as a Result of an Affair

There is a very delicate topic that we have yet to address here on the blog. I’m not really sure why as the subject comes up occasionally and we get emails periodically about it. And the subject is… What do you do when there is a child as a result of an affair? How do […]

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An Affair is a Major Life Changing Event Like No Other

The following post is adapted from a discussion that took place about four years ago.  I think you’ll find it meaningful. We’ve received several emails over the last few days where people have explained in great details the awful pain, shock and awe that they experienced upon discovering their partner’s affair.  These made me think […]

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After an Emotional Affair

What Transparency Can (and Can’t) Do After an Emotional Affair

If you’ve been looking for and reading ways to rebuild trust after infidelity, you may have come upon the term: “transparency.” Our frequent advice to couples trying to repair the destruction wreaked by an affair is to create agreements to be transparent with one another. This is especially helpful for the one who cheated to […]

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