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sense of self

Danger Ahead – You Can Live Without Your Spouse, But Not Without Yourself

Infidelity can annihilate our sense of self. By Sarah P. From the time we are children, we are told that when we grow up we must find a prince or princess charming and get married. Much of the mass media trades on this idea. It is so ingrained in our society that people rarely question it. […]

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talk about infidelity

The Big Five: Gottman’s Communication Techniques to Talk about Infidelity

By Sarah P. It’s almost always a struggle for couples to communicate about topics that matter to one but not the other, especially if this topic references past hurts. Unfortunately, just talking about such heated topics can cause a fight. When marriage becomes one fight after another, most couples withdraw from hot topics. After all, […]

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what is stonewalling

The Last of the Four Horsemen: Stonewalling

By Sarah P. Not all negative communication patterns are alike. Sorting through the most harmful of these patterns has been one of the main areas of research for Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They have narrowed the four most harmful communication patterns down and refer to these patterns as The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, […]

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You Decide

You Decide: Is it an emotional affair or not?

We are launching a new series that we’ll run periodically called “You Decide” where you will provide your opinion on a fictional affair scenario. For each column, there will be a different scenario that has to do with infidelity. The purpose of this exercise is to define what infidelity means as well as to help […]

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unethical amnesia

The Perfect Spouse: How Unethical Amnesia Might Affect Getting the Truth

By Sarah P. Imagine this scenario: you have a friend who always tells little white lies. Or worse, imagine that you have a friend who intentionally cheats on taxes or has extramarital affairs. From your perspective, it is evident that this person is being highly unethical in his or her behavior. But, this same person […]

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trauma bonding

Trauma Bonding: Why It’s So Hard to Let Go After an Affair

By Sarah P. Abandonment causes deep shame. Abandonment by betrayal is worse than mindless neglect. Betrayal is purposeful and self-serving. If severe enough, it is traumatic.” Patrick J. Carnes, PhD (1) The other day when I was looking for studies in psychology databases, I saw an abstract that caught my eye. The abstract basically said […]

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heal from the affair

The Nuts and Bolts of Affair Recovery – The elements that need to be present in order to heal from an affair.

What are the basic elements that need to work together to help you heal from the affair? By Sarah P.   This article is about some of the ‘must-haves’ that need to occur during the healing from infidelity. Conversely, there are other actions and processes that are more nuanced that need to occur, but this article […]

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why women cheat

For Betrayed Men: Why women cheat and leverage that you have if your wife cheated

  By Sarah P. This is Sarah’s second installment of her series on the leverage a betrayed spouse has after infidelity.  This post will address the leverage men have when their wives have been unfaithful.  (To read the first part of the two part series, you can  click here.) Most of the articles on this […]

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husband won't end the affair

Time For Real Talk – The leverage you have when your husband won’t leave the other woman

by Sarah P. Note:  This is the first installment of a two-part series where Sarah P. will address the leverage one has when their spouse won’t leave their affair partner.  This week she addresses when the husband won’t end the affair and next week she’ll dig into when the wife won’t leave her affair partner. It’s one […]

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Christmas tree_upclose

How Was Your Christmas This Year?

It’s a couple days after Christmas as we write this and we both feel pretty exhausted.  Christmas is always such a whirlwind around our home but this year seemed even more so. Perhaps it’s because we had back-to-back nights where we cooked and entertained for about 20 people – or maybe just that we’re getting […]

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