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When Your Husband Gets the Other Woman Pregnant

The Ultimate Poach: When Your Husband Gets the Other Woman Pregnant

By Sarah P. Wives, knowing what your husband has done with the OW, does not have to ruin your marriage. Linda and Doug have been receiving many emails lately where wives have unfortunately found out their husband’s mistress is pregnant OR their husband already has had a child with his mistress/OW. So they asked me […]

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Getting the Affair Details – Maybe Trickle Truth is Best for Everyone

Getting the affair details – as little or as much as the betrayed spouse wants – is vital for healing. Yet, sometimes it works out that getting them gradually over time is best. By “TryingToGetOver” When I joined this forum I was in shock over my husband’s affair. One of the first emails from the […]

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anguish

Haunting Images: What Happens When You Know Too Many Details of Your Partner’s Affair

By Sarah P. There are many events and feelings that are universal to infidelity and all of these events can be equally difficult. But, today, I wanted to talk about when you know too many details of your partner’s affair  – his or her experience and intimate life with the other person – and how […]

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Runaway Spouse Syndrome

The Runaway Spouse Syndrome

By Sarah P. It all started a long time ago—probably as long ago as marriage existed—but most recently this phenomenon was brought into focus by Vikki Stark in her book Runaway Husbands.  I am calling this post The Runaway Spouse Syndrome because this is not necessarily a gender-specific phenomenon. While this behavior may be found […]

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trauma after an affair

Affair Trauma Part 3: What I Learned at the Gottman Affair Trauma Seminar

By Sarah P. This is part three and the final post of the trauma series. I wanted to start this post with song lyrics, by Amanda Palmer, wife of Neil Gaiman (Dresden Dolls), that describe the paradox of trauma. Because really, trauma is a paradox. Biting keeps your words at bay Tending to the sores […]

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ptsd and affairs

Trauma Series Part One: PTSD and Affairs

By Sarah P. Anytime there is an affair, trauma is not far around the corner. In fact, I have never spoken to a betrayed spouse who says something to the extent of: “Yeah, my spouse’s affair was no big deal. It’s just one of those things—no more hurtful than getting home late for dinner.” If […]

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sense of self

Danger Ahead – You Can Live Without Your Spouse, But Not Without Yourself

Infidelity can annihilate our sense of self. By Sarah P. From the time we are children, we are told that when we grow up we must find a prince or princess charming and get married. Much of the mass media trades on this idea. It is so ingrained in our society that people rarely question it. […]

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talk about infidelity

The Big Five: Gottman’s Communication Techniques to Talk about Infidelity

By Sarah P. It’s almost always a struggle for couples to communicate about topics that matter to one but not the other, especially if this topic references past hurts. Unfortunately, just talking about such heated topics can cause a fight. When marriage becomes one fight after another, most couples withdraw from hot topics. After all, […]

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what is stonewalling

The Last of the Four Horsemen: Stonewalling

By Sarah P. Not all negative communication patterns are alike. Sorting through the most harmful of these patterns has been one of the main areas of research for Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They have narrowed the four most harmful communication patterns down and refer to these patterns as The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, […]

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You Decide

You Decide: Is it an emotional affair or not?

We are launching a new series that we’ll run periodically called “You Decide” where you will provide your opinion on a fictional affair scenario. For each column, there will be a different scenario that has to do with infidelity. The purpose of this exercise is to define what infidelity means as well as to help […]

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