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Summary of the 2017 Reader Survey

  We’re sure you’re just chomping at the bit to see the results of our most recent annual survey!  OK, well maybe not so much.  But the results had a few surprises when compared to last year’s survey. First of all, we wish to thank everyone who took time out of their busy day to […]

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Enabling and Codependence

Playing the Double Fool: Mistaking Enabling and Codependence for Lovingkindness

By Sarah P. I do not know what it is about the past couple of months that has turned many normally grounded people into huge fools. But, I have seen it everywhere. I have seen well-meaning betrayed spouses/partners responding in the most inappropriate ways to wayward spouses/partners. It seems that a wayward spouses egregious behavior […]

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Is It Possible to Recover from an Affair

Translating Affair Speak – Who Are You and What Have You Done With My Spouse?

By Sarah P. Have you ever noticed that your wayward spouse says some of the most off-the-wall things sometimes? Never in a million years would you have expected some things to come out of the mouth of your dearest and beloved husband or wife. Yet, there you are, standing in disbelief, while your husband/wife is […]

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ADHD Contributed to an Affair

Is It Possible that Adult ADHD Contributed to an Affair?

Why you should ask if adult ADHD may be the elephant in the room. By Melissa Orlov When your partner has an affair, one of your first instincts is to try to figure out what happened.  What led you both to this place?  One possible factor that neither partners, nor therapists, commonly consider is that […]

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musings on infidelity

Musings on Infidelity: Affairs Are Not Original and Not Excusable

By Sarah P. The things that people say and do during affairs are so predictable that it is almost funny. Unfortunately, broken trust, destroyed lives, and broken families are no laughing matter. Still, there are patterns that all affairs follow; there are universal actions on the part of the wayward spouse; and there are the […]

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John Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Defensiveness

John Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Defensiveness

By Sarah P. This post is the third segment in the John Gottman’s Four Horsemen series. In this post, I will be discussing defensiveness. But, before we jump into the post, I would like for you to watch this video. It’s only about 5 minutes long so let’s dive in:     I really like […]

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Coping with the Pain of Infidelity

Coping with the Pain of Infidelity

  We received an email the other day from a reader who writes the following:   I have been in contact with you during the last few months. Your site continues to be a great resource for me as I have come to terms with what happened in my marriage.   We are the couple […]

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musings on infidelity

The Ache of Affairs and What You Can Do About It

By Sarah P. The one question that people ask after their partner has had an affair is “why?” There are many answers to this question, but not enough information on what to do about it. In this blog post, I will talk about my own answer to the “why” and “what.” But first, let’s define […]

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emotional manipulation

Cheaters Can Be Masters at Emotional Manipulation

I was exchanging emails with a woman recently whose husband had an affair lasting about 2 years, and whose behavior since discovery has been incredibly bad.  During our exchange, she forwarded me some texts that her husband had sent where he was expressing his deep sense of guilt and that he ‘didn’t know if he […]

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cheating to avoid commitment

Runaway Spouse: Cheating to Avoid Commitment

By Sarah P. Do you know how to spot a commitment-phobic person? It’s easy to spot the glaring examples of these people, but not so easy to spot clandestine commitment phobes. (I will call them CCP for short.) Most people have probably seen or heard about the film Runaway Bride that starred Julia Roberts. Each […]

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