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ADHD Contributed to an Affair

Is It Possible that Adult ADHD Contributed to an Affair?

Why you should ask if adult ADHD may be the elephant in the room. By Melissa Orlov When your partner has an affair, one of your first instincts is to try to figure out what happened.  What led you both to this place?  One possible factor that neither partners, nor therapists, commonly consider is that […]

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musings on infidelity

Musings on Infidelity: Affairs Are Not Original and Not Excusable

By Sarah P. The things that people say and do during affairs are so predictable that it is almost funny. Unfortunately, broken trust, destroyed lives, and broken families are no laughing matter. Still, there are patterns that all affairs follow; there are universal actions on the part of the wayward spouse; and there are the […]

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John Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Defensiveness

John Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Defensiveness

By Sarah P. This post is the third segment in the John Gottman’s Four Horsemen series. In this post, I will be discussing defensiveness. But, before we jump into the post, I would like for you to watch this video. It’s only about 5 minutes long so let’s dive in:     I really like […]

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Coping with the Pain of Infidelity

Coping with the Pain of Infidelity

  We received an email the other day from a reader who writes the following:   I have been in contact with you during the last few months. Your site continues to be a great resource for me as I have come to terms with what happened in my marriage.   We are the couple […]

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musings on infidelity

The Ache of Affairs and What You Can Do About It

By Sarah P. The one question that people ask after their partner has had an affair is “why?” There are many answers to this question, but not enough information on what to do about it. In this blog post, I will talk about my own answer to the “why” and “what.” But first, let’s define […]

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emotional manipulation

Cheaters Can Be Masters at Emotional Manipulation

I was exchanging emails with a woman recently whose husband had an affair lasting about 2 years, and whose behavior since discovery has been incredibly bad.  During our exchange, she forwarded me some texts that her husband had sent where he was expressing his deep sense of guilt and that he ‘didn’t know if he […]

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cheating to avoid commitment

Runaway Spouse: Cheating to Avoid Commitment

By Sarah P. Do you know how to spot a commitment-phobic person? It’s easy to spot the glaring examples of these people, but not so easy to spot clandestine commitment phobes. (I will call them CCP for short.) Most people have probably seen or heard about the film Runaway Bride that starred Julia Roberts. Each […]

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making excuses for infidelity

Stop Making Excuses for Infidelity: It’s Not in Your Biology; It’s a Decision

By Sarah P. Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on […]

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How to Use Empathy to Communicate Effectively

At the Heart of Attachment: How to Use Empathy to Communicate Effectively For On-Going Recovery

By Sarah P. Empathy is the most mysterious transaction that the human soul can have, and it’s accessible to all of us, but we have to give ourselves the opportunity to identify, to plunge ourselves in a story where we see the world from the bottom up or through another’s eyes or heart.”  – Sue Monk […]

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male infidelity

You Have Come A Long Way, Baby! – Female Gender Roles as an Attempt to Curtail Male Infidelity

By Sarah P. If you have been through an affair, you have come a long way, baby. You know your story backwards and forwards and have become a wiser person. You have been able to piece together how you got there and how far you have come. (By the way, I do smoke and I […]

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