WTF are Men Thinking? Some Answers

As I promised last week when I shared the things that annoy men about women, this week I wanted to throw out some of the answers to women’s questions as presented in the book, “WTF Are Men Thinking?”

Keep in mind that there are literally hundreds of questions in the book in the following categories:

• Communication
• Dating
• Romance
• Sex
• Marriage
• Work

So here are the answers that over 250,000 men gave to some of the questions that we thought you guys might have some interest in (in no particular order).

Why won’t he open up?

From the feedback that the authors received, men are saying that they believed either they were brought up not to talk about their feelings and/or they feel uncomfortable or weak in doing so. About 32% of men said they can’t talk about how they feel because they’re just too shy.

One man said, “Most men, first of all, like to keep things to themselves. We do not like to share problems or how we are feeling because we want to solve those problems on our own and not look weak.”

While many men say they don’t feel comfortable in talking, 26% say they don’t because they just don’t have anything to say. Basically men seem to talk and have something to say when it really needs to be discussed, and are not really interested that much in idle chitchat for no reason.

Why is it so hard for men to express their feelings?

Here 54% of the men said that in fact it’s just difficult for them to share how they are feeling. They see it as a cultural and social norm for men.

Men also perceive being emotional as being weak.  Thirty-nine percent of men feel that being a man means being macho, and showing emotions in talking about how they feel takes away from that.

Some men find it hard to express their feelings because many of them grew up thinking that it was unmanly to cry or show pain. They feel they look weak. However, many men indicated that they tend to be very emotional behind the wall that they’ve built up around them.  Outwardly expressing emotion would allow someone behind that wall which would give that person the opportunity, whether they would or not, to exploit or hurt the man. So instead of letting anyone in, many men just clam up.

Why is asking to talk a big deal?

Here men are saying that the biggest turnoff for talking is that they always get the feeling they’re in trouble or the talk will lead to a fight.  In fact 40% of men try to avoid talking for just that reason.

One of the men said that usually a talk or discussion is like saying, “You messed up” or “Here comes something I probably don’t want to talk about.”

Outside of dreading the fight that might come out of talking, 19% of men don’t like to talk because they don’t like the emotions involved. Many of the male respondents told the authors that they try to avoid emotional issues, and thus avoid talking.

They also don’t like scheduled discussions.  Instead, easing into a conversation is suggested.

How do men justify lies?

For the most past, the authors reported that men believe honesty is the best policy.  However, 62% of men say they would lie to their partner just to spare her feelings.

Many men thought that a little white lie never hurt anybody especially if the truth hurts worse than not knowing. Thirty-eight percent of men think it’s okay to lie if you are protecting the one you love.

Are there really any romantic men?

Men who think of themselves a romantic took offense on this one. They almost universally cited that only young or immature men weren’t romantic or didn’t know how to be.

The older men seem to feel that one just had to mature in order to become romantic, while the younger men had typical responses like, “It’s not in our DNA” or “We just don’t know how to be romantic.”

Many said that they like routines and don’t like having to try to go above and beyond every day in their relationships. They like to get into a comfortable position with a woman and keep it there. Although they do like to be romantic for special occasions like birthdays, Valentine’s Day, anniversaries etc., most men won’t try to be romantic on a regular basis.

The authors stated that the data showed that it was very much dependent on age, with older men believing romance is important and thus embrace it, whereas younger men more often tend to shy away from romance. It appears as though like wine, men in the romantic abilities, skills, and desires get better with age.

Do all men like to experiment with sex?

One of the questions that was asked was from a woman who was satisfied about her sexual life but she wanted to know why her husband never seem to be content with it. He always wanted to do new things. Sometimes it was fun for the wife but she was totally content with the missionary position and maybe one or two others now and then.

Basically, the authors state that the men are sexual creatures, so it should come as no surprise that a whopping 90% of their survey respondents said that they do like to experiment during sex.

Some of the comments by the men were… “I think it’s important to experiment during sex so you can know what your partner will and will not like.” And “Sex can get boring if you do the same thing over and over. Plus, your experiments may help you discover something you can make routine.” Or “The same action and positions tend to get boring even when in a loving relationship. Some variety tends to keep the intimate relationship more interesting, especially with all the demands and stresses in our lives.”

The authors added a little tip about what to look out for…Don’t fall into the trap of believing your sex skills are just fine and your man is completely satisfied sexually.

The authors stated that most women think they’re taking care of their man, and yet man after man told them he wishes his wife would be more adventurous sexually.

What turns men on?

What turns men on varied a lot, but the majority agreed that a woman being aggressive about what she wants really scores points. Nothing is hotter to a man than a woman knowing what she wants.

Next on the list was a vocal woman. Men love the sounds a woman makes during sex. From soft moans to screams to just telling a guy what feels good and what she wants.

There were many other answers men gave what turns them on, but none of the answers were “younger women.” Some did say looks mattered, which included various body parts on a woman, but most answers revolved around her attitude and mindset as the thing that turned them on the most.

Does he believe marriage is forever?

Surprisingly the author said that 70% of men say that marriage is forever, as long as both people work at it and they end up marrying “the one.”

So what about the other 30%?  What makes them so jaded on marriage? The reasons vary from marriage being a fad, to getting married for the wrong reasons, to just growing tired of each other.

The majority of men still believe in happily ever after and the fairytale ending. There are some realists in the group who believe it’s just not possible anymore, but if you are working on it together, it stands to reason that you have a better chance for success.

Does love change in a marriage?

Does love increase with time, or does it diminish and fade over the years? Or perhaps is it a constant, never changing feeling?  Seventy-two percent of the men said love does change over time and 42% said it changes for the better, while 28% of the men said love doesn’t change with time and indicated that they love their wives as much as they did the day they got married.

Most see love maturing in a positive way versus fading with time. From a man’s perspective, love changing isn’t always bad, but rather that it’s just human nature. Couples grow distant, people mature, and things will change that will reflect how you feel about the other person. It is up to you as a couple to make sure love grows stronger and doesn’t fade with time.

Why do men cheat?

It was interesting that the authors made a special note on this one saying that they get this question more than any other, and it comes from women of all backgrounds, ages, experiences and values.

Men cheat for variety of reasons, and each man has his own justification, reasoning, or excuse as to why they have or would. Nevertheless, the authors categorize them into three core areas:

1.  Because there are so many options available to them.

2.  Because their existing relationship is not satisfying.

3.  Because they lack self-control and discipline.

Under the first category of there being so many options available to them…This guy’s response summed it up: 

Why do men cheat? Because most of us can, and other women are always available. I don’t mean that to be flip or callous. It’s just how life is. I’ll put it this way…if I have a pool in my backyard, I can enjoy all year round. It gets me wet, I can swim laps, it cools me off on a hot day. I love my pool. It doesn’t mean that when I go to the ocean I’m going to pass on jumping in simply because I have a wonderful pool. What a waste of experiencing life. I can be back in my pool and enjoy it again. I’m taking nothing away from my pool by swimming in the ocean every now and then. I know this might be in an odd analogy and women will hate it, and I’m not justifying it. I’m just trying to explain a very complicated topic in a way that might be understood.

Coming in a close second is how their current relationship is going. Thirty-seven percent of men say they would or have cheated if they are unhappy or unsatisfied in their relationship. Basically, they’re not getting what they want from their wives.

One man says “Sadly women, once married to men, seem to lose their sex drive, and as a result a man will look elsewhere to satisfy sexual needs.”

A small segment of men just said it was their lack of self-control that leads to their infidelity. Some men just simply lack the self-discipline of saying no when sex or companionship is offered. It takes a lot of willpower to do it and it’s why so many men fail.

The authors suggest that the key, it would appear, is to find out what truly makes your man happy, what he really wants from you as his wife and deliver that to him. Even with all of that, it’s still a gamble and ultimately the choice and faith is in his hands.

Would he cheat if he could get away with it?

According to the survey, 81% claim that they would never think about cheating, even if they could get away with it. The main reason behind why you ask? They would just feel too guilty to live with it.  Of the men who do think about cheating, it seemed that’s all it is… just thinking about it.

What would he consider unforgivable?

This one came down to two answers:  74% said cheating and 26% said abuse. The 74% agreed that cheating was the worst thing a person can do in a relationship. The other 26% was a tie between abuse of all types and the opinion that there is ultimately nothing that is completely unforgivable.

Short of adultery, almost everything else is forgivable. With adultery, trust is lost, and that is something that men site as hard to regain, if not impossible. Men believe that the constant wondering and uncertainty will almost always lead to the end of relationship.

Why are men so messy?

I thought I’d end on a lighter note as this one might make you women out there chuckle…

Their answers…Some men were coddled as children and never had to pick up a thing in their lives, while others were brought up in a traditional household were cleaning and taking care of the house was a woman’s job. So it should come as no surprise that 44% of men think the cleaning should be taken care of by their wife or girlfriend.

In second place, 36% of men say it’s either in their nature to be messy or others feel they are not, in fact, messy at all!

Sure it’s an unfair generalization to assume that all men are messy, just as it’s unfair to say that all women nag. That said, there is a significant segment of men who just think that cleaning is not their job. Perhaps it’s time to change that mindset!

Please share your thoughts on this post in the comment section below.  We appreciate it!

LINESPACE