confronting the other person


One of the many decisions that face the betrayed spouse is whether or not confronting the other person is a smart thing to do.  

In our experiences, we’ve heard many stories of confrontation from folks who have done it.  And the results were a mixed bag to say the least.  It seems that when confronting the other person, it either goes wonderfully – or is a complete disaster.

A couple of weeks ago Linda was involved in a webinar with Dr. Robert Huizenga, author of “Break Free From the Affair.” Linda was interviewed about her opinions on confronting the other person. In her case she chose not to confront Tanya, and in the interview she explains why.

Right click the link for the MP3 download to the interview , and click “Save link as”  so that you can listen to the hour-long discussion at your leisure.  It will take a minute or so to upload depending on your connection speed, so please be patient.

Or, you can just listen below


In addition to discussing the confrontation issue, Linda and Dr. Huizenga also discussed several other subjects:

  • Linda’s initial thoughts, feelings and emotions just after D-day.
  • Dr Huizenga sites the characteristics of an emotional affair.
  • Why it’s risky in an emotional affair to confront the OP.
  • What questions to ask yourself before you confront the OP.
  • What types of affairs lend themselves to confrontation.
  • How to get past constantly asking questions of the cheating spouse.
  • Learn how Linda uses self-talk to help her move past the difficult aspects of the emotional affair.
See also  How to Recover From an Affair With RPL

You might also want to check out this short video from Bob where he discusses more about confronting the other person.

For more information about Dr. Huizenga, “The Infidelity Coach” please visit his website at


    4 replies to "Linda’s Interview about Confronting the Other Person"

    • AJ

      I wanted to confront her but she has hidden from me. So I know that I have to accept that I will never have that moment, that face to face moment.

    • Soul mate

      The very first thing I did when I found out was call the parasite and set her straight. I didn’t care what my husband thought. It turned out that he was glad I did as he wanted it to end, and just didn’t know how. Even if he didn’t, I don’t regret it. I can tell you that if he had acted in any way defensive of her or if he would have continued his behavior, we would have been done. We have been married 26 years at the time, I myself would never have tolerated that. It’s been 14 months since my DDay and I don’t regret calling that parasite and letting her know I am a woman who will defend myself and my family and will not tolerate evil attacks, and yes it was an attack by an ignorant fool and that I will retaliate agreesively if pushed.

    • LisaME

      I yelled at the AP on my husband’s phone the day after I caught my husband; I regret that now, because I would like to talk with her. A month later, when my husband started telling “some” truths I called her (on his phone); which she answered very cheery. When I identified myself she indicated she was “very busy and didn’t have time.” Sure seemed she had time when she thought it was him!
      My husband had told me where she lived and I went by, just to see, and decided to leave a note that identifed myself, asked her to please leave him alone, with nice whys, and if there were any belongings to drop them off at our door (she had been in my home when I was gone). Turned out, it wasn’t her home and I left a note to strangers.
      It took my husband 5 mo. to tell most of the truth–fell in love, bought her presents… I still, would love to hear what she has to say, but I think too much time has passed.

      I indicated to my husband, ‘I would love to be a bug on the wall for a week and she who she is, what made her special, etc.’ My husband indicates I would be even more confused because she is “rough,” and I would be shocked. huh…

    • Evan

      Upon discovery, I went into full detective mode, located the offender’s name, address, place of work and wife’s contact info. I immediately notified her (she was in the midst of a long battle with breast cancer and her prognosis was not good, she would subsequently perish, about six months later). I sent the perp a photo of my latest big game kill, a running 400 lb. boar shot at 150 yards with one round fired… head shot. He got the message. Oh… and his wife THANKED me for letting her know! What a despicable POS… cheating on his dying wife. There is a special place in hell…

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