We receive many emails from readers, and recently we received one that really struck a chord with us.  This reader shares her touching story of immense pain as the result of infidelity, as well as her hopeful view of the future and her decision to seek happiness and love no matter what.

I personally was moved by this email from “Erin” and I thought that it could do the same for others.  Feel free to share your thoughts and encouragement in the comment section.

Here is the email…

“Thank you for all your help. My marriage of 30 years ended in March of this year.  I still love him, always have.  He wanted a divorce, I did not.  I am trying to start some sort of life by myself and it is so hard.  I miss him so much.  I never have been told why or what I did to cause it or who has taken my place in his life.

He is still in our home, with someone else.  I live only a couple of miles from there and try not to go too close to my old neighborhood.  I feel awful and cry all the time.  I do not want anything bad to happen to him or his future however, I feel life is so unfair for me right now.

He has done some pretty bad things to many people and I am the one who is punished.   My health is bad.  I have skin cancer, lots of medical bills and on and on.  He has love from someone he is with and life is so good for him.

My children live far away, friends are busy and I get so lonely.  I have done a lot of reading and writing, crying, and beating up on myself.  Maybe if I were thinner, younger, prettier, smarter, had a successful career earning lots of money, he would have not wanted a divorce.

Now I hear he tells all sorts of actual lies to friends of both of ours.  That hurts.  There is no reason that I can think of as to why he would lie.  I never did anything wrong except give him my love for 30 years and be very patient and try to do everything he ever ask of me.

One day he just did not want me anymore and started pushing me away whenever I reached for him.  I never gave up and never got angry.  Now, it is over and I am devastated.

I am trying to put my mind in a better place.  I have decided to be happy no matter what goes on.  People who know me will know the difference between the truth and a lie.  I will get healthy and will find a place for me in this world.

I have come to realize that when I was with him all those years, that is where I was supposed to be – at the time.  Now, my life with him is over and I look forward to what is next for me.

Of course I hope, at my age, it is good and that God will place me where I am wanted, as well as needed.  I look forward to being able to laugh with ease again, to wake up every morning with a smile and look forward to the day ahead.  I gave him power over me for 30 years that could at times be abusive and I will not let him destroy me anymore.

God grant me help in the days ahead.  I want to stop hurting.  I want to live in happiness and love.”

See also  Discussion: How Important is it to Understand Why?

    7 replies to "A Reader Shares Her Pain and Hope After Infidelity"

    • roller coaster rider

      I pray this for you too. I am so sorry for the pain you have been feeling, and I applaud you for being positive and hopeful. Given your ex-husband’s behavior toward you, I have to believe you really are in a better and happier place without him, but I understand how incredibly difficult this has all been. Please keep moving forward…and let us know how it goes!

    • DJ

      Erin,
      You are strong and brave and an inspiration to all of us who are struggling to move forward. My marriage of 29 years is on the rocks after my husband’s affair. I really don’t know how this will all turn out, but I hope I can be like you and really believe that it will get better.

    • Candace

      Good luck to you Erin! I know you will find happiness! My marriage of 25 years is being tested. I am not sure what the outcome will be yet. You have helped to remind me that no matter what happens with my marriage I still have a future as “me”.

    • Nony

      Great article! I am still with my husband and he is confronted with seeing the OW often through his work and apparently told her last Friday that he had made his decision to stay in our marriage and try to make it work. She has decided to leave her husband and was surprised that my husband was staying and that they were no longer going to be able to be ‘friends’. I am sure that I do not have the whole story about what they actually discussed and the only reason I know of this is because I decided to look at his phone last Sunday night. Shameless, I know! But the conversation that followed seemed like a breakthrough, if not for him, but for me. I only want happiness. I have no choice. I have a life too, and I know how I want to experience it. My happiness has been building inside like a fortress to keep out further sorrow. I have told my husband via email that I will NEVER mention the OW anymore, that I and our daughter (and our unborn child – I sadly got pregnant switching pills…unfortunate timing!) are still here for him, that we love him and that my family is the most important thing to me. What I have discovered is that I can be happy each day regardless of the bombs of emotion going off around me. Only I can determine my future, my joy, and I alone am responsible for the path I choose. He can be part of my love or live outside of it, but hating him, resenting him, mistrusting every word that he says will only hurt him. I no longer accept this sadness. I am so sorry for the pain this woman is in. I hope she finds her joy. It is out there for us. There are many chapters in our lives. Some of them are fun to live!

    • Jackie

      Erin,
      Life is a long journey with many chapters. We do have many choices and many paths to take. I chose to take the path of love, happiness, forgiveness, caring and sharing. Whether our significant other chooses to be on the journey with us, is truly an individual choice. Sometimes we are on the journey together just part of the way. For others, the journey may last their lifetime. But we each must choose what we want our journey to be.

      The difficult things about affairs, is that emotional choices aren’t made consciously and aren’t even thought through. Perhaps that is why none of it makes much sense to all the parties involved. It takes a strong sense of self, to look deep into oneself, as to why we do the irrational things we do.

    • Kristine

      Erin, I pray God is with you during this very difficult time. I know when my husband left it brought me to my knees to cling to someone other than my husband and more than anyone else. It was Him and Him alone that I found peace with and it was Him that prompted me to stand for my marriage. I remember shortly after my husband moved out I heard “your marriage will be restored and your husband will not be gone long.” I thought it was me, my subconscious saying that but 10 weeks later my husband was home. I don’t know the outcome for your marriage but I pray you go to God to find out what His plan is! Jeremiah 29:11

    • Holdingon

      I just have a hard time with people who split up after so long together, I’ve been married 26 years and I can’t imagine life without her, she has become a part of me, that’s why I was rocked to my core when I found out she had been in an EA for almost 3 years before I found out, it was probably an PA also, but she won’t talk about it, it seems women do exactly the same thing men do, lie and deny, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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