I fell apart after discovering Doug’s affair. My initial shock quickly became endless numbness. However, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t understand at the time that taking care of myself was so important.
At its worst, it was very bad. I didn’t know how I was going to get out of bed each morning. To function was very, very hard. I didn’t know how I would get through the day. I just couldn’t believe that someone could lie to me that way.
I lost 20 pounds in a month and a half, and I’m only five foot tall. I didn’t weigh much to begin with. I still don’t know how I could have lost that much weight!
I went to my job every day, but I don’t remember being there or doing it. I just would go through the motions, go to bed hoping in the morning when I’d wake up, everything would be a dream. Then I would face it again.
My life was consumed with it.
It’s as if I didn’t even have an island of safety that I could go to, and I found myself having all that confidence suddenly gone and never knew if the people around me were hurting me or not. That’s very hellacious. (From Journey to Trust: Rebuilding Trust After an Affair)
Perhaps you felt something similar and realized that you needed to pull yourself together but had no idea how. I’m talking about self-care here. Individual counseling – not couples counseling.
The following is a helpful excerpt from the book, Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On – Together or Apart by Donald H. Baucom and Douglas K. Snyder. It may help to guide you as to whether or not you should seek individual counseling or therapy.
I know that the jury is still out for some of you as to whether or not therapy or counseling is worth the time, effort and money. I found that if nothing else, therapy helped me to focus on the things I needed to focus on and to keep me on the right track. It was also a wonderful avenue to express my thoughts and feelings without feeling judged and to confirm that I wasn’t going crazy.