fighting depressionThis is a guest post by Mary C. about fighting depression on your own.

When you’re going through a difficult time in your life, it’s the perfect opportunity for depression to ease its way into your life. Believe me, it will if it gets a chance. It’s not something that’s hits you all at once. As I said, it eases in.

Before you know it, you’re sleeping until noon and then you only get up to relocate to the couch. If you work outside the home, you sleep until the last minute, throw your hair up in a clip, and rush off to work. You just don’t feel like messing with it. You find yourself thinking, “It won’t hurt just this one time.”  Then you realize you have gone to work looking like hell for several days. People asking if you’re okay or if you’re sick gave you a clue. You stop answering your phone or even answering the door. You don’t feel like talking to anyone right now. Forget cleaning house or washing clothes, you tell yourself everyday you’ll do it tomorrow. If you find yourself doing some of these things, Honey, depression is taking hold.  

You should not mess around with depression. Naturally, you should see your doctor right away and follow his or her recommendations, but there are additional things you can do on your own.

I was always a high energy, free spirited person; however, a few years ago, I started a battle with major depression. I knew I couldn’t lie on the couch and let life go by. I don’t respond well to medications; therefore, I had to find other ways to control it. It was so hard for me to get started. I literally had to force myself to crawl out of bed the first few days.

See also  How to Turn Off the Gaslight Effect in Your Relationship

I assure you, if I can do it, anyone can. Getting started is the hardest part.

Get Out of Bed

First, you have to get up. If you have to set two or three alarms, do it, but get up. Put on some coffee and while it’s making, force yourself to take a shower and wash your hair. You will feel better just by doing that. Throw on a robe and grab a cup of coffee. Weather permitting, go outside on the patio, drink your coffee, and get a few minutes of fresh air.

Fix your hair. It doesn’t have to be fancy, just do more than twist it up with a clip. Put on some make-up even if it’s just mascara and lipstick. Put on something nice even if you have nowhere to go. No sweats allowed. Now look in the mirror. Wow! Much better, huh? Even if you’re just staying around the house, when you walk by a mirror and catch a glimpse of yourself, you’ll feel good about what you see.

Get a Move On

Once you get in the habit of getting up and taking care of your appearance, you could try to add a little exercise. I know, just saying it fills you with dread, but it doesn’t have to be much to begin with. Before you take your shower, do anything that will get your body moving such as taking a short walk, or doing a few sit-ups and push-ups. My favorite is to turn on some music and dance. Do anything that gets you moving for at least 10 or 15 minutes. It might be agony the first couple of days, but just do it. It will help. 

See also  Discussion: Should a Cheating Spouse Confess?

Now That You’re Up, Get Out

More than likely, the last thing you want to do is go somewhere; however, you should try. Think about things you enjoy or even better, something new you’ve always wanted to try. Making yourself leave the house is hard, but once you get where you’re going, you’ll wonder what was so hard about it.

I love to bowl and swim. Not only are these fun activities, they are great exercise. It had been years since I bowled. After going the first time, I realized how much I had missed it.

If you have a local college, check and see if they have some non-credit classes. You’ll find things such as computer courses, foreign language lessons (I’m trying to learn Spanish), writing classes, photography classes and I even found a paranormal investigation class (call me crazy, but I’m going to do this one). Maybe look around and find some dance classes. Choose something, sign up, and go.

Clean Your House

Your house probably got messy while you were doing all that lying around. Take one room at a time if you have to until you get the whole house sparkling clean. Won’t it make you feel great to get up in the morning or come home from work to a clean house? It makes me smile. Try to do a little each day to keep it that way.

Fill Your Time at Home

Fill part of your day at home doing something you enjoy to keep you from getting back on the couch. It’s not my thing, but scrapbooking is very popular these days. I like to paint. If you’re not a great painter, do an abstract.

See also  An Encounter with an ‘Embarrassed’ Ex-Neighbor

Do some inexpensive home improvements such as painting a room. Go to your local hardware and craft stores and browse around. You’re sure to find something that suits you.

When you get into the habit of doing some or all of these things, reward yourself. Go to the beauty shop. Getting a new hairstyle is always a mood lifter for me. Then splurge and go buy yourself a new outfit.

You Can Do This

These are just some suggestions for fighting depression. Doing anything that requires movement isn’t easy when you’re depressed. Grit your teeth and get a move on.   

If you have something that you do to keep your spirits up, please share it with the rest of us.

 

Opt In Image
Processing the Five Stages of Grief after Infidelity
Tips for managing each stage as well as important Do’s and Don’ts for each

Processing and moving through the stages of grief is a vital part of surviving and healing the trauma of infidelity. So vital in fact, that we’ve created a program that deals exclusively with this subject to help you effectively deal with the stages of grief after an affair.

    33 replies to "Fighting Depression – Get Up and Out to Keep it at Bay"

    • battleborn

      Great article and most importantly a wake-up call for many of us, both CS an BS. I have depression and unlike some, I live on my meds. Believe me, there are days I get tired of taking them, but have learned that I must to maintain my life. But I digress, being depressed makes it harder for me to handle this affair. In fact I had my meds increased.

      I would like to add a couple of things to your list to be aware of.
      1. Clothing. Do you begin wearing darker colors? I am aware that I am “going downhill” when I begin to wear more black, greys, etc. If so, wear some brighter colors, it helps.
      2. Spending more time on the computer? Yep, that is a sign that you are beginning to spend more time alone. Get off… well after reading this blog LOL. There are times when being by yourself is great, but not all the time. Just shut it down and go spend time with people.
      3. Do you think your ill all the time? Most of the time I think I feel ill when in reality I am fine but making excuses because I don’t want to face another day. Get up get out and you may find you feel much better.

      There are so many signals to depression. Some short term, some long term, but only you can determine if it is serious enough to see your physician. Don’t wait, it can get worse. And if you are one of those who cannot or will not take medication for your diagnosis, please monitor yourself. Depression is NOT to be take lightly. And most importantly, it is NOT anything to be ashamed about… most of the time it will go away and not be a lifetime thing.

      • MaryC

        Great additions Battleborn. I have never thought about wearing dark clothes. It makes sense. When I think about it, I like to wear bright colors now, but I have tons of black clothes hanging in my closet, probably bought when I was extremely depressed.

        I can relate about getting tired of taking the meds. I tried to stop a couple of times, but it just didn’t work out very well, Even now when my life is going good. I finally decided it’s just something I have to do and my quality of life is better for it.

        I believe depression can also be genetic. My daughter has problems with it. She also calls her medicine “Crazy Pills”.

        I’m with you on eating chocolate. It’s good for lots of ailments.

        I think forcing myself to get up and do something about my condition was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it worked. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t. If you are going through this. Please please get up.

      • exercisegrace

        I completely agree. Depression wears many different masks. People would do well to pay attention to any significant change in ANY area of their life.

    • tryinghard

      I don’t have a problem with depression. Mine is ANXIETY!! Holy cow I could jump right out of my skin at any time. I did have depression when my H left for the first few weeks. I didn’t eat for two weeks.Lost 18 lbs, btw Dear Oprah, I figured out the secret to weight loss!!! Call me. Finally it was as if someone was taking me by the hand dragging me out of bed and to the kitchen to eat something. It was an egg sandwich and it was the best damn thing I had ever eaten. I remember shaking as I was eating it. I also went to church. As I walked in someone was playing “Let It Be” on a solo guitar. It was as if Mary was talking to me herself. “Just let it be…..” Slowly I moved out of the depression. Yes getting out of bed is the first step and also telling yourself that NO MATTER what I will not allow myself to go down that slippery slope. I was on anti anxiety meds for a few months and then slowly got off them. Sometimes I think I need to go back but I really don’t want to. I should however cut back on caffeine.

    • forcryin'outloud

      The anxiety immediately following the admission of my H’s EA was tremendous. I think I only slept an hour or two each night for about three months. I finally had to get on meds. I called them my “crazy pills” because without them I would have gone crazy. I stopped taking them after a few months when things calmed down a bit. Then I went into the depression tunnel. It didn’t help that I had just moved 5 hours away from any living soul I knew. It was a bad decision and still is! But I have learned a tremendous amount about the will of the human spirit. GET UP!!!!! Get up for yourself! Get whatever help you need. Do things for yourself even small things like eat chocolate. I buy dark chocolate covered prunes. I told my sister that I buy the prune version because they’re “healthy” and she told me I was hysterical (not sure if she meant crazy or funny, LOL.) The author of the post is right, you have to get a move on. And lastly don’t listen to anyone who brings you down or tries to tell you crap you no is wrong. I’ve had some real help from friends/family and some bs from” friends” who didn’t want my stink stuck on them. I’m grateful I know who’s who now. Maybe that’s what it’s about…finding the gratitude amidst the garbage. Good luck to all of us, we deserve it!

    • rachel

      Oh depression, my least favorite topic. I am also on meds after the admission of my husbands affair and my pending divorce. I am on my fourth pill. The others didn’t work or now I think I was going through so many emotions. Anger, anger anger. So my dr. changed my perscription.
      In the beginning when I couldn’t get out of my bed and my older son came into my room to see me and flipped the covers off of me and put up my window shades and said this is DEPRESSION!!! And he was right.
      I feel better now being on the meds. I too have gone off of them and plumitted quickly. I know now that I will be on them for a few years at least.
      I still have to force myself out of bed and put on a happy face. The tears are still there but not as frequently .
      This is all hard.
      I wish he could suffer even half of what I am.

      • tryinghard

        Rachel
        I didn’t want to be on meds because I wanted to feel my emotions. The meds masked them. I think anger is a good emotion depending on how it’s handled. You have a right to be angry and eventually it will go away. Are you going to therapy as well as the meds? Talking helped me more than the meds. The anxiety meds were good because when I was going to bed my heart was beating as if I were running a marathon. Seriously, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I could not get it to stop. I still have anxiety and I have learned to accept it. It is my friend. It helps me to make sure to look out for myself and pay attention. It’s no where near at the same level. Stay on the meds if you need them. There’s no shame in that!

    • Dol

      Timely. Depression definitely creeping around the edges of things at the moment. It’s incredible the amount I’m capable of sleeping! It is getting better, and it’s only round the edges.

      It is very hard: if someone is at the point where they can take the actions described in the article, they’re already making great progress – or perhaps, like many of us here, staving off falling into a worse depression. I think different advice would be required if the depression has got too bad. At that point, there’s simply no way you can be your own morale officer.

      I managed to get out for a run last night for the first time in a month. Meant to be going to an exercise class tonight, and I will make myself, but a small whingey child inside just wants to crawl off to bed…! At any rate, I feel lucky I’m able to be my own morale officer at the moment. There’s hope, and I’m keeping away from the worst of it. Good luck to you all!

    • tryinghard

      I know if I would exercise it would certainly help with my moods. I need to get motivated. OK Dol, I am going to get on the treadmill TONIGHT. 45 minutes. I will let you know tomorrow how it goes 🙂

      First step right?

    • KelBelly

      I think I had more anger than depression or anxiety! I could of spat in someones face at some points during all this from being so mad. I did throw things too, When the rage got so baqd, I would go clean my tack room or throw some bales of hay around,
      My biggest salvation has been my horses. Being able to load my mare up and go riding when I felt so overwhelmed with it all was a Godsend! I also rescue, retrain, and rehome abused horses. I hadn’t done any for awhile but when I needed the escape, I took on a couple and it always has a calming affect on me.
      Oh my! Don’t get me started on the chocolate lol!! The dark stuff has been a lifesaver 🙂

    • Recovering

      I was already dealing with depression and anxiety long before the cheating… now I am never happy… don’t even know if I know how to be anymore!! They say do things for yourself… like what? I’ve been doing the family thing so long I don’t even know who I am or what to do… or where to start to find out! I feel so selfish going out with my friends, so I never go… and I’m hiding away. Most of the time want to run in circles screaming while pulling my hair out – that is when I can get out of bed. Yesterday I took a “mental health day” off of work because, even though I was off for 11 days over the holdiays, the hubs and kids were there every second, and I ended up taking Valium on 2 of those days despite the fact that I take meds daily. I needed ALONE time! I did NOTHING! I slept til bout 9:30, then got up and ate some kid cereal (which I would normally NEVER eat) and then just laid on the couch and pet my dogs. Didn’t turn on the tv, the computer, the radio, nothing!! Just total quiet!! It was WONDERFUL (except on those few instances when the brain would wander THERE and I had to reign myself back in). There is just too much of everything right now! Too much stress, too much noise, too much to do, too much to feel, too much to figure out…. I feel like I can’t breath half of the time, so it was really nice to just BE… that is until the kids got home from school and the chaos started again… Depression? You bet! I want to jump out of bed in the morning excited for the day… nope… drag butt out of bed… no makeup, though I used to NEVER leave the house without it… hair just blah… used to be done up daily… and headaches EVERY DAY. I don’t want to not feel, so haven’t upped my meds despite the therapists recommendation, but I am sick of feeling like this! Am having to chose the lesser of 2 evils, neither of which I want… live and love a cheater and keep a constant eye out, or divorce and never trust again… Feel like I am too old to start over… doesn’t feel like it would be worth the effort anymore. So here I am, same today as yesterday, and expect the same tomorrow… but hey, I made it 9 days into the new year before I broke my resolution – to stop crying! Couldn’t control it last night – those damn TV shows…. how do you move on in a marriage when you can’t get over what they CHOSE to do to you? How they LIED every day, and how they planned sex with the slut… how am I supposed to get past that? Even if I leave, HOW DO I GET PAST THAT?

      • chiffchaff

        Recovering – you sound very deeply depressed from what you’ve written.
        I know you say you don’t know how to do things for yourself anymore but can recall that you used to do your hair etc each morning and care about what you wore. Is it possible for you to start with some really small things for yourself such as wearing something you like but haven’t for ages? even if it’s just wearing it around the house? even if you’re not convinced right now that it’s of benefit to do really small things they do gradually build up in making you feel a little bit better.
        You need to think about whether you want what your H and the OW to define the rest of your life or not. It’s what your H did, it’s his issue, you didn’t do it so why should it define who you are? It defines who he is and what the OW is. Sorry to be a bit blunt but my sister being blunt with me 12 months ago really helped me get a grip. Focus small and start taking back the control.

    • CBB

      Hello everyone,
      I don’t know how I did it but after 2y of horror I think I finally see light at the end of the tunnel. I hope it’s not an illusian. But I never dreamed I could feel this good again (not as commerless as before-I’m afraid that is over for ever). I’m not sure depressed was the mood; more rollercoasting between furious and a total loss of selfworth.
      One day I decided for myself that if this marriage had to break I didn’t want to grant them (my H or the OW )the satisfaction of dumping a total wreck. So I started fighting for my selfrespect. I replied hard whenever I was critisised; I went on picking up MY pieces at home/work that were pilling up since DDay and it started making a difference.
      On the one hand I felt more in controle on the other hand I had a much harder time hiding my emotions. I was at a party with my H and the OW was there to. Suddenly I got so overwhelmed (maybe because this time I thought I could handle it – otherwise I had to prepare myself for days to survive these encounters) I sat at a table talking to a friend and ended up cryinig the entire evening…
      The last 2months though I was finally able to talk about things with my H. Before that I would be so overwhelmed by emotions that it ended in fights, silences and me crying whenever I didn’t have to put up a brave face for kids/work/friends.
      Now that I’m feelling up to dealing with the issues it’s my H’s depression holding me back. He was feeling down before the EA (what probably enabled it) then a while because of it and now I think we’re back in the initial mid-life crises.
      Any CS on this blog who can help me understand his depression? What can I do to help (altough I would have appreciated more of his help in my recovery, we should help each other if we want to get out of this mess

      • exercisegrace

        I am a betrayed spouse and I can relate to much of what you are saying. “rollercoasting between furious and total loss of self-worth”. Been there. Done that. Stupidly, I still sometimes find myself in line for the ride. Usually now, I can step out of line, LOL.
        My husband also experienced depression prior to his affair, largely hid it from me (certainly the extent of it) and he and I both agree that it was the major contributing factor to his affair. I should mention, by the way, that we are about ten months out from d day. For much of this time, my emotions have been all over the map, out of control. I have backed him into a corner and verbally poked him with a stick more times than I would care to admit. This ( I believe) allowed him to NOTt completely “deal with” HIS emotions, his guilt, his depression. Initially he spent too much time trying to justify what he had done, then he spent too much time trying to defend or deflect my accusations, then he spent a great deal of time being interrogated by me…….getting the picture? Again, this is my opinion only, but I THINK that when a betrayed spouse arrives at a better place of healing, when as you said, we start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, there is nothing left for them but to face up to some of THEIR stuff. I am in that place. Lately my husband’s depression has worsened and that really has had me puzzled. I am doing better now. I am handling things much calmer. I can have true discussions without turning them into arguments or fact finding missions. So why is he suddenly seeming so down? Your post has helped me shed some light on that. Maybe we are on to something??

    • tryinghard

      Try as I have I just don’t think I can bear this anymore. Really bad day today. Yesterday everything was great. We had a good day working, came home made dinner, made cookies, talked about making love later night, laughed, were not tired etc. I bought a pretty sexy nightie and during our session well not failure to launch but failure. I feel I am not exciting enough compared to the excitement he experienced with the OW. He says that’s not the reason for mid act failure, but I can’t help how I feel. He told me over a year ago he was not sexually attracted to me but has since recanted and swears he is. I don’t know what is the truth anymore. Every trigger has been set off since last night. I cannot ride the wave today, the wave is drowning me. It’s been a long time since I felt this however today it is overwhelming. I wanted to stay in bed but can’t because I am too busy at work. Anxiety at a very high level. I am so sick of this constant hurt. I am sick of all the words playing over and over in my head. I want to pack up and run. I just want to sit and cry all day. I want peace and I don’t know where to find it. Going to see the marriage counselor next week but really don’t want to address anything with her anymore. I am fed up with EVERYTHING. Thank God the holidays are over with.

      • Rachel

        Tryinghard so sorry that you are going through anhard time. It’s all hard this thing called life. Think about you. Go for a walk, go shopping, breathe. We have been thrown into This mess. He has the problems not you. You are a good person.
        When I felt like you I did see my dr and she put me on a antidepressant . It truly has helped.
        We are here for you. Take care and breathe. Remember it takes baby steps to move away from this storm and then we will see a rainbow.

        • tryinghard

          Rachel
          Thank you so much for the kind words. ULK this is such a slippery slope. Ten steps forward five steps back. I did take care of myself yesterday. I want for a long massage and then home and early to bed! I feel much better today and of course all the kind support thru this blog helps

      • exercisegrace

        I hate that you are having a rough day. Hate it. I know how hard it is, how emotionally gutting it is to talk about things with the counselor, but I think you really need to. And maybe you need someone who specializes in this. In the enormous amount of reading I have done in the ten months since d day (name a book, I have likely read it!!!) I have read quite often about this very problem. It almost ALWAYS has nothing to do with your husband’s attraction to you or lack of attraction to you. Typically (again, from what I have read experts say) it has to do with HIS guilt, remorse, shame over what he did. Over his fear and anxiety about what YOU are thinking and feeling.

        This makes a great deal of sense to me. Affairs are not, at their core, about sex. They are about how the cheating spouse sees themselves. It’s an ego boost. I think it is much easier to have sex with someone when you are feeling great about YOURSELF than when you are feeling like a turd over what you have done. I would look a little more at where he is in his recovery, that is more likely where his problem is. When my husband expresses desire, it is inevitably on “better” days

        • tryinghard

          EG
          Thank you so much for your wise words. I too have read a lot but I can’t seem to find anything addressing this problem. He says he’s tired at the end of the day and that seems reasonable but my instinct tells me there’s more. I know I am probably paying too much attention to my gut and reasonably so right? What books have you read that addresses this problem? His words about not being sexually attracted to me just keep resounding in my head. I almost afraid to be the instigator to have sex for fear of “failure”. It’s really devastating to me. OK I will talk to our counselor about it. Intellectually I know it is about the ego and how he perceived her view of him and she did a lot of hero worship in his eyes. My H does express a lot of remorse and guilt. Our life and relationship is really pretty good and maybe he is feeling bad that he knows it was his actions that caused our detachment and that it could have been this way all along. I’m tired of being a mind reader and he is not very open about initiating discussion in this regard. He keeps saying he is working hard on feeling good about himself again. I am better today though.

      • Doug

        Tryinghard, I’m sorry that you are feeling so low. To echo what some of the others have said. Try to get out and do something that you enjoy and can take your mind off of things for a bit. Heed the others’ advice as well as they all have such great things to say. Stay strong!

        • tryinghard

          Thanks Doug,
          I do get so much from this blog as I feel so many have been through what I am going through and understand. I did get away for a while yesterday and felt better for it. I think there are many wise people here and we all need each other and their advice. I have a friend I can talk to but she has never experienced anything like this. Matter of fact I talked to her a couple days ago and told her about running into the OW at a store locally. She asked what I did and I said nothing. Her response was well I needed to let it go. I know she meant well and has been a good friend but I wanted to snap back “Well DUH why didn’t I think of that!!!” I didn’t but I just shook my head. Let it go??? Really if it were that easy wouldn’t I have done it? Thank you for you kind words. BTW in your experience do you think my H may be missing the excitement he experienced in the sex he was having with the OW? It’s been over a year since he’s seen her.

          • Doug

            Hey TH, Glad you seem to be feeling better today. You’re right, there are a lot of wise and helpful people that hang out here. Both Linda and I have learned a lot from everyone over the last 3+ years. People that haven’t been through this often do not have a clue as to what to advise. Like you said, they mean well but they just don’t understand. It’s hard to say what happened with your husband, but if he has not been in contact in any way with the OW, I find it hard to believe that he is still pining for her and missing her and/or sex with her. I could be wrong, but I find it hard to believe that he would.

    • Dol

      Tryinghard, so so sorry. How long since d-day? I’ve checked through this thread, can’t see. (Perhaps we all need the basic facts on our profiles!)

      It is HORRIBLE, there’s no way around it. I hope you can give yourself permission to feel your hurt and know it’s not your fault and perfectly normal. Insecurities from the affair leaking into the bedroom can be particularly dreadul to bear, feeding into all our own worst fears and insecurities, and it ends up being a downward feedback loop. It can make us feel like just being swallowed by a hole in the ground and never come out again.

      Verve lyric: “tie yourself to the mast my friend – one day, this storm will end.”

      http://www.jukebo.co.uk/the-verve/music-video,one-day,rruzz.html

      • exercisegrace

        To add a song so Dol’s great suggestion, I am currently loving this one from Gym Class Heroes, called the Fighter. Here’s part of it:

        Give em hell, turn their heads
        Gonna live life ’til we’re dead.
        Give me scars, give me pain
        Then they’ll say to me, say to me, say to me
        There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
        Here comes the fighter
        That’s what they’ll say to me, say to me, say to me,
        This one’s a fighter

        • tryinghard

          EG

          LOVE that song. Funny I am a fighter. As I said to Dol, I come from very strong female genes. Hell my mother was picked up by the Gestapo during WWII and almost shot. I could go on on and on. We DON’T run, we fight! Most people that know what has happened do not hesitate to come up to me and tell me their admiration for fighting for what was mine. Including my employees who had to work with her.

      • tryinghard

        Dol
        It’s been about 1 1/2 years since he last saw her. I think it just hit me so hard because we really had a good day. I felt I was being enticing and encouraging about sex and was setting the mood. But not too strong. Just loving and sexy. He actually said something about “frame of mind” which I would have thought at the end of a good day would have been perfect for a good night of sex. UGH!! You know sometimes he performs best when I’m really mad at him!!! This crap scares me. Sometimes I feel like and interviewee on Oprah! You know one of those dumb ass women whose husbands are gay or have wives in four different states and they never knew it?!?!?
        LOL love the song lyric. I picture myself tied to the front of a big ship with wind and salt water practically drowning me! One thing I am sure of I WILL GET THROUGH THIS NOT MATTER WHAT. ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. No one is going to get the better of me. I come from a strong female gene pool and I’m not going to let some man compromise that. My female relatives had way harder roads to tow than the one I am! I won’t let them down! Thanks for caring.

    • WriterWife

      I’m currently on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication. I started taking it a few months before D-day and I remember waking up one day after they kicked in and thinking, “What in the world have I let happen to my life!?!” My career had tanked, my appearance had tanked, my weight had sky-rocketed, my marriage wasn’t very strong, I was practically incapable of making decisions. And to think it hadn’t been crystal clear to me that I was depressed! The meds 100% made the difference I needed and were very helpful when D-day rolled around (by then I’d taken control of my career, my appearance, etc).

      I was in college when I was first diagnosed with depression and I started taking Prozac. This was at a time when people really frowned on anti-depressants and thought that you must be weak if you had to take them. That really you just had to pull yourself up and get over it. For years my sister didn’t take anti-depressants even though she needed to because her husband frowned on them. I hate that some people feel weak or crazy or whatever else negative because they take anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. I don’t think my grandfather is weak because he takes insulin. I don’t think my mother is weak because she takes blood pressure medication.

      I don’t think we get extra-credit for getting through the difficult times of our lives without help, including the help of medication. I don’t think that the medication I’m on blocks my emotions (because trust me, there were times after D-day I wish it did!). I think it allows me to have the strength to deal with my emotions. It allows me to get out of bed which is necessary for recovery. All the things on the above list, I was able to do with help — help from friends, family, and medication.

      I’m not saying this because I feel that people on here are bashing medication — quite the contrary! I’m saying this to support those who are on medication but feel like they have to apologize for it. And to support those who are thinking about medication but have been too afraid because they might be judged or considered “lesser-than.” I’ve faced a lot of judgment for taking anti-depressants and medicine for adult ADD. And yet, no one seems to judge me for the prescription strength anti-inflammatory I take — why is that? All three medications are to help my body perform better and I’m okay with that.

    • Rachel

      Tryinghard, just checking in. I hope you are feeling somewhat better. Thinking of you.

      • tryinghard

        Rachel
        You little doll. I’m doing better. You have no idea how much this blog helps me to sort all this crap out. We are a crazy sisterhood :/

        • rachel

          tryinghard, Yes we are all bonded together. I wish Doug would have a reunion so we could all meet. ; ).
          Take care, sista!!

          • Doug

            Maybe some day we’ll have a “conference” and make it a big party.

    • Carol

      WriterWife, I agree. A friend of mine who is a psychologist says that if you need medication — for whatever condition — you should take the medicine, and nobody should think twice about your doing so. Period. I had post-partum anxiety/depression after my third child (for me, it manifested as anxiety, which means that I didn’t think I was ‘depressed’ for a long time). I had never (fortunately) struggled with depression/anxiety before, and so it was a real wake-up call for me. Let’s just say that many, many things going on with my body made it extra clear that what was happening to me was hormonal, physical, medical — and I did take a small dose of an anti-depressant for three months, and it made a big difference.
      Post D-day, I was in shock, and had so much anger and emotional turbulence. Lately, over the last 3 months or so, I’ve become aware of a depressed, sad mood. I don’t get angry much anymore — it’s more like mourning. My counselor says this is totally normal, that it’s reasonable and a sign of emotional health, actually, to feel depressed and sad after a depressing and sad event. She recommended vigorous exercise for me — and so today I took my ‘anti-depressant’ (a vigorous, long walk) for 30 minutes, heh.

      Trying hard, I hope today is better. I think exercisegrace is right: affairs are about the cheater’s ego. As much as affairs *feel* as if they’re basically a rejection of the betrayed spouse, they’re really all about the cheater and his/her own ego or feelings of inadequacy. Please do keep your chin up.

      • tryinghard

        Carol
        Intellectually I know this is true. Sometimes it’s just overwhelming and as a woman it insults our ego. Like Dol said it’s a downward loop! Thank you for your kind words.
        Also I completely agree with the meds. If you are better with them take them. If it causes you more stress to be on them, don’t. No body needs to be a hero where this is concerned

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.