Fearless Living
"Fearless Living" is a book about living without excuses and loving without regret.

I have started reading a book by Rhonda Britten called “Fearless Living.”  This book is about living without excuses and loving without regret.  The book challenges you to defeat your fears and achieve true self-confidence and fulfillment.  It also provides a Fearless Living program which I haven’t delved into yet.

There is a story in the book that resonated with me.  It was about a woman whose husband of eighteen years unexpectedly told her that he was leaving as he believed there had to be more to life than being with her.  He said that all they talked about was the kid’s homework, the bills and what fertilizer to use.

Obviously the woman was in shock.  She had spent the last eighteen years devoted to being a good wife and mother and put everyone else’s needs before hers. Foregoing things that she had wanted to do in order to make everyone else happy. His leaving had confirmed to her that she was insignificant.

During her sessions with Britten, this woman realized that she didn’t even know who she was anymore and wasn’t sure what she enjoyed or what interests she had.  She had become so used to going along with her husband that she assumed her desires and her husband’s desires were one in the same.  She had become a people pleaser and for the last several years had rarely shared any thoughts or feelings that were different from his.

She believed that bowing to her husband’s wishes in order to avoid feeling selfish would save her from the experience of feeling insignificant.   Somewhere fear had caused her to rationalize that if she made everyone else happy, she would be important to them rather than insignificant.  Therefore, she had thought it was better to accept the love she had than question whether her husband’s love fulfilled her needs.

See also  Forget About the Affair Fantasy and Get the Playbook

Britten stated that this woman’s divorce was the impetus she needed to look within herself and understand how fear hindered her happiness.  Before that, she never gave herself the internal permission she needed to make her own happiness.  This woman had been waiting for someone to give her the answers that would “fix” her life.  However when this woman began mastering her fear, she no longer waited for life to happen.  Instead she began to make life happen.

I think this story resonated with me so much because I know that in my own life I often acted in ways because I was afraid of not being loved.  I often failed to state my needs or opinions because I didn’t want to appear selfish or assertive. I acted in fear and Doug’s emotional affair was my wake up call.  It was the jolt I needed to make me aware of the patterns and behaviors I have infused into my life and why I often felt empty and unfulfilled.  I was on automatic pilot and completely unaware of my actions and why I was doing them.

Now I feel that the most important element in my quest for a more fulfilled life is being aware of my fears and how to combat them.  It takes patience and practice and I am basically undoing behaviors that have been a part of me for decades.

Britton had a tragic childhood and it amazes me that she was able to emotionally recover from her experiences.  Rhonda’s story begins with a tragic, traumatic event that happened when she was fifteen years old. Her father, who was an abusive alcoholic, murdered her mother in front of Rhonda and her younger sister and then committed suicide.

She did not receive counseling at the time, which led to clingy relationships for fear of abandonment. It affected her dating relationships and her own personal life. She had to learn what was appropriate behavior and what fearless living really meant.  She has a site called FearlessLiving.org.

 

    12 replies to "Fearless Living – Living Without Excuses and Loving Without Regret"

    • changedforever

      Great post…ordered the book yesterday. Can’t wait to read it! I, too was on automatic pilot Linda…same as you. Facing my fears is and has been a ‘given’ since the affair unfolded. Almost as if I am now on automatic pilot with doing just that. I even overcame my fear of flying during this new personal ‘quest.’ Looking forward to what new level this author may be able to take me…

    • D

      Great new format. Clean, ordered, like starting over. : )

      • Doug

        Ding,ding, ding…You just won the prize for the first person to make a comment on the new theme! 😉

        • D

          Ha, I just saw this. At first I thought I typed in the wrong URL. I do like it, though. I’ll leave comments on the Feedback post.

    • Saddenned

      I like the new format…Getting used to it.

      • Doug

        Thanks Saddenned. Let me know if you have any questions or have any issues.

    • Anita

      After my exhusband’s affair and our divorce, I felt many different ranges of emotions and feelings. It took me awhile
      to work through each painful thought that would emerge, and I had to make a choice to forgive each and every part of
      those memories that brought pain to me. This is where
      my faith was so helpful to me, instead of turning this on
      myself, I chose to ask my self why this person,
      or persons did or said what they did, this helped me to
      reconize my own wrong doing, but also I could see when
      the person/persons had treated me wrong. I had to forgive
      myself and the other person/s. I had to realize when I felt
      an offense, I also had to say to myself at hurting people
      hurt other people. I still to this day have to do this when
      new offenses come my way, because life is what it is,
      there will always be times when an new offense occures.
      Also I realized some of my offenses were because I didn’t
      get my own way.
      I also am no longer a people pleaser, because its
      impossible to please everyone , instead I am here to
      live my life to please God, and when I mess up he is
      forgiving.
      My faith has helped me to see I know who I am in
      Christ, and other peoples labels/opinions do not
      matter. This was a major victory in my life when I
      realized I could break myself from those chains.
      I believe we are our own worst enemey, with our
      stinken thinken. Once I realized it only mattered what
      God says about us, it has brought a whole new freedom
      into my life.
      Also being in the process of getting my marriage
      annuled, one theme has reoccured, there it no excuse
      for infidelity. This has given me so much freedom,
      knowing I was not responsible for someone elses wrong
      choice. Instead I can forgive them, and move on with
      my own life.
      Since life on this earth is not perfect, there will always be
      some kind of hurt or pain, from betrayals, wrong choices
      and actions. However, its important to realize, we can
      hold on to that hurt or let it go.

    • Anita

      Life being what it is, I am currently dealing with something
      from the past and present, but it has nothing to do with my
      exhusband or our divorce. Instead its about a couple of
      people who still are connected. One has trouble with
      boundaries and the other one has a problem with making nasty comments. I have to be around both these people
      time to time. Sometimes they are sweet as pie, and the
      next time, their showing the worst of themselves. Whenever possible I try to avoid being around them, but
      when I have to, I’m always nice, but with my guard up.
      I must admit there are times I would like nothing more
      then to give them back a taste of their own medicine,
      however I know that would only drop me to their level
      of behavior, and I would be upset with myself for letting
      them get to me. So as of even now I’m working again to
      put this behind. It happened just a few days ago again,
      with broken boundaries and nasty comments. However
      forgiving them is what I need to do.
      I know I can’t change them, so I am changing me instead
      to rise above this. I admit its easier said then done,
      but I don’t want it to steal my joy so I am making the
      choice to let it go.

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