During the affair recovery process there are many things that the betrayed spouse needs from the cheating spouse to help them recover, heal and save the relationship.
The list can be quite extensive obviously, and is very dependent on where the betrayed is at in their own recovery process. For example, a person 2 years removed from D-day is probably going to need different things from the cheater than a person 2 months removed from D-day.
As an example, a reader recently offered the following list of things that he needed for his own affair recovery process to continue:
- To take ownership of the affair – that it was her CHOICE – and to use the word affair.
- Acknowledgement that the pain inflicted was real, cut deep and will take a long time to heal.
- Proof of no more contact, access to cell phones, email, passwords, whereabouts and who she is with. Gradually this need will fade but I reserve all rights to know.
- Full and complete truthful, honest answers to ALL questions for as long as I need answers.
- Individual/couples counseling until I deem it over.
- Mandatory scheduling of together time- away from everyone. To laugh out loud and cry and argue and make up.
- Expectation of communication that she never withhold information again, ever, under any circumstances. I can ask as many times as I need.
- For her to know that the trust being rebuilt will not happen in a day. It is on my schedule, not hers.
- That she believes she must change her belief system of what is right and wrong in a partnership.
- Acknowledgement that her reality was that of a fantasy, that marriages take hard work and that she is willing and able to put forth the effort.
With this in mind…
What do you need your cheating spouse to do in order for you to better recover and heal from the affair?
If by chance your spouse is doing everything you need, please let the others know what he/she is doing to help you in your recovery and healing.
(Please let us know how long ago your D-day was)
As always, feel free to share your story and respond to each other’s comments!
Linda & Doug