We came up with this week’s discussion topic with a little help from the folks at Marriage Sherpa. They ran a blog post recently on how finding the positives can help make a post-affair marriage successful.
In that post it was suggested that after the initial pain of the affair has been managed, it may be helpful to take a break from all the bad things that have been going on in your relationship and focusing your attention on something else. Something positive.
However, as an affair victim, it is difficult to “just be positive” after you find out your spouse has cheated. The news is devastating, and your whole world is turned upside down.
But many affair victims do harbor some degree of hope that they can save their marriage. At some point, they hope they can heal enough from the post-affair pain and put the pieces of their relationship – and life – back together.
Accentuate the Positive
“When we focus on negative, everything feels and looks negative. It’s easy to do. But positive? For some reason, it seems we really have to work at being positive. In a post-affair environment, it can be especially challenging. Your self-esteem has been shattered—along with your marriage vows—and you don’t know what tomorrow holds.”
The author then goes on to offer three steps to guide you in finding and cementing the positive back in your life again:
Based on this information, the questions for discussion are…
Are you drowning in negative thoughts?
Do you feel you’ll ever be capable of finding the positive again?
Do you have any successes you could share with your spouse that would give you a reason for a celebration—if you’ve done some healing from the affair pain?
Please leave your replies in the comment section below and be sure to reply to one another.
Linda & Doug