Whether you just found out about the affair or you are much further along in your recovery process, you have something in common…
…You’d like things to get better and move closer to complete recovery, healing and a thriving marriage we all want.
The first step is really understanding where you’re at currently.
Take a few minutes to think which of the 5 Stages of affair recovery you are in right now, and please share in the comment section below the post.
Here are the 5 Stages of Affair Recovery:
Stage 1 – Trauma & Crisis
This is the stage right after the affair has been disclosed or discovered. More commonly known as D-day. This is a period of numbness, shock, anger and overwhelming grief. The couple and the marriage are in crisis. Neither the hurt spouse or the unfaithful spouse can think clearly.
Stage 2 – Stabilization
In this stage, the heightened emotions of D-day have settled down a bit and the couple is starting to look at and deal with the core issues that led to the affair. There is still an emotional roller coaster and often there are many emotionally charged arguments. This is often the stage where an attempt by the hurt spouse to further understand the affair and all the details occurs.
Stage 3 – Dealing with the Issues
In this stage the couple has worked through much of the emotions and have survived the initial marital crisis. The couple is now ready to begin the hard work of healing the marriage and dealing with the myriad of core issues. Once again, this can be a frustrating time as there will be many ups and downs and progress may seem to crawl at a snail’s pace. During this phase the hurt spouse’s self-confidence slowly starts to return and she or he may start to feel more secure.
Stage 4 – Working Together
After a while, consistency will return to the relationship which in turn, allows trust to also return (though maybe not quite 100%). The couple will have a sense of cooperation and work together as they continue to rebuild the marriage. The affair is rarely discussed and most of the focus is on moving forward. There still may be some painful days and triggers may be a semi-frequent issue for the hurt spouse.
Stage 5 – Connection and Intimacy
This stage is where the couple attempts to take things to the next level by working to develop a deeper connection and level of intimacy with each other. The memory of the affair is certainly still there, but there is little to no pain associated with the memories. Each party has done the work to understand who they are and what they need. There is improvement in communication and conflict resolution skills. The couple understand each other’s emotional needs.
When you read these summaries, you may feel like you’re doing pretty well…or maybe you’re frustrated by your current situation.
The GREAT news is that you can absolutely move up to higher stages. Whether you’re starting at Stage 1 or Stage 4, the important thing is getting to that next step of your journey toward affair recovery.
We’d love to hear from you personally on this! Please take a few minutes and tell us which stage you’re in currently, what you’re experiencing and anything else you’d like to share.
Linda & Doug