There is no shortage of excuses as to why some people have affairs.

why some people have affairs

By Sarah P. 

We had a guest post that caused quite a stir. A man named, Dark Horse, wrote an article for this site about his serial cheating.

Dark Horse is a married, serial cheater and believes that having lovers on the side makes his marriage better.

Dark Horse explained, “I got married just over 10 years ago and have 3 wonderful children. My wife is a tough cookie, she’s pretty, smart and professional, but after the kids were born, what little attention I got beforehand completely went on them. I dropped so far and fast down the pecking order in my own home that I felt that I was wanting and craving the attention elsewhere.”

Dark Horse also proclaimed that he loves his wife and does not want to harm her, by her finding out, about his escapades with other women.

Dark Horse has taken it a step further and now teaches others how to have affairs, via his blog, and via writing articles for other media outlets.

If you read that article and felt like you were pulled down a rabbit hole, you are not alone.

When it comes to affairs, there’s no shortage of excuses. Cheaters often rationalize their behavior by blaming their partner, citing dissatisfaction in the relationship, or simply succumbing to temptation. But what really drives people to cheat?

Featured Download: “The Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Affair Partner Now”

If you’re the unfaithful, get it, read it and carefully consider the advice. If you’re the betrayed, give it to your unfaithful spouse.

See also  The 8 Pillars of Trust  - Ways the Unfaithful Spouse Can Help Rebuild Trust

Why Some People Have Affairs

A recent survey of over 1,000 cheaters revealed some interesting insights into why people stray from their partners. I take these reasons below with a grain of salt. Why? Because cheaters are also liars and many of them lie the most to THEMSELVES.

The most common reason cited was a lack of emotional satisfaction in the relationship (42%), followed by a desire for more sex (32%).

Other popular reasons included feeling underestimated or unappreciated by their partner (26%), and boredom with the relationship (24%).

Interestingly, less than half of respondents said they felt guilty about cheating on their partner.

This suggests that many people rationalize their behavior, making excuses to ease their conscience.

When it comes to the length of an affair, the majority of respondents said they had cheated on a partner more than once (68%).

On average, people confessed to cheating on their partner three times BEFORE getting caught.

While there are many “reasons” why people cheat on their partners, it ultimately boils down to their “perceived” and “rationalized” dissatisfaction in their relationship.

Cheaters often rationalize behavior by telling themselves they’re not being fulfilled emotionally or sexually in their marriage.

They sometimes fool themselves into believing that happiness can only be found in an affair partner.

Most of all, the mantra here is that CHEATING IS A CHOICE.

The rationale people use to defend their affair is no more than a lie they created to feel less guilt OR to feel justified in their behavior.

Is The Cheating Spouse Living With Regret?

If You Suspect Your Spouse of Cheating

If you suspect your partner is cheating, you might want to have an honest conversation with your partner. But, it’s important to know that having an honest conversation without any proof will often backfire and cause your spouse to be even more secretive.

See also  Momma's Boys and the Predisposition to Affairs

You also might be tempted to talk about what each of you needs to feel happy and satisfied in a relationship. But, if your partner has already found an affair partner, such conversations will be useless.

Your spouse might end up using such a conversation to tell you everything that is wrong with you. That will leave you feeling defeated, hurt, and more confused than ever.

In Summary

People have affairs and use a million reasons to rationalize them.

People who cheat generally won’t stop until they want to stop, until they get caught, or until it’s no longer worth it.

In other words, they may stop cheating if they stand to lose everything. Or, they may keep going.

In Dark Horse’s article he admitted that he loved his wife and yet his worst nightmare was her finding out.

Yet, his worst nightmare is not stopping him from seeking out the other “mares” in a green, grassy field.

As they say, “you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.”


Featured Download: “The Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Affair Partner Now”

If you’re the unfaithful, get it, read it and carefully consider the advice. If you’re the betrayed, give it to your unfaithful spouse.


    7 replies to "Straight from the Horse’s Mouth: Why Some People Have Affairs"

    • TryingHard

      I was hoping Dark Horse was going to have some profound revelations into why people cheat or in that case why men cheat. Instead all i got was the same tired and tacky excuse. “She had my babies and ignored me”. Wah Wah poor me i was compelled to cheat and now that I’m so good at it I’ll teach others, or at least pretend to, how to do the same. What a useless human. I wish i hadn’t bothered to read it. Complete waste of my time reading it and then answering but hey I’m a hopeless chump. Fodder for those kinds! Yuk!

      • Sarah P.

        I am just thrilled to see that you are commenting. I missed you.

        Yes, I was hoping that Dark Horse might have a revelation when reading all the comments. I also noticed that he appeared to have ZERO empathy for the betrayed spouses, who recounted their stories.

        It is really troubling when someone can read the pain of others and have no real emotional insight into what that person is going through. I don’t think Dark Horse has any empathy. It was really troubling that he got a bigger high from his conquests because he was married. He admitted it wouldn’t be as fun if he were single. I cannot imagine the hell that his wife lives. He gets high off of betraying her. Can too imagine? (You get married because then it makes Tinder hookups more exciting?)

        He needs to take up a hobby like free falling skydiving, where they open the parachute at the last minute. That surely would satisfy a need for excitement.

        All in all, we got the same excuses. Dark Horse “has a sadz” because he is married to a woman who had his children and those children need attention.

        • Shifting Impressions

          Sarah and TH
          He reminds me of the serial killer that actually mingles amongst the search party as they frantically try to locate the “missing person”…..all the while knowing he has killed them. That might sound harsh but that is what my gut is screaming.

          Eventually he will slip up or someone will out him. Meanwhile I believe he got his jollies circling a group of people that have been betrayed and are searching for answers and healing.

          • Sarah P.

            Hi Shifting Impressions,
            You don’t sound harsh at all. Dark Horse appears to get some kind of sadistic pleasure out of his behavior. Serial killers and serial cheaters all get a sadistic thrill, when they believe others are amply fooled.

            I tried to understand his motive and to see if there was anything to understand. Nope. Nothing to understand except he is stuck in a seriously toxic mindset and likes to talk about his conquests and teach others how to conquest, just like he does. (Shame Shame). Men are NOT immune to penile and testicular cancer and condoms don’t prevent these cancerous STDS.

    • Kittypone

      That guy doesn’t deserve a single minute of my time. I will not even bother to read whatever he has to say.

    • Don't Put Up With It

      It’s only a matter of time before Dark Horse becomes Horse Meat. She’s gonna find out, people always do. You always slip up somewhere, theres’ too many lies, too much evidence, too many people have seen it. You’re not as clever as you think. She probably already knows and is looking the other way. MAYBE SHE’S CHEATING TOO.

      The house of cards always crumbles. Why not build a real house on a foundation of being a decent honest human being trying to get his needs met while not hurting others, and meeting your spouse’s needs too? Can someone like a Dark Horse ever really be happy or is just living in some kind of drug-like state of anxiety waiting forever for that text to surface or call to be made or photo to emerge?

    • Cheaters face real karma

      I have a serial cheater husband who claims he loved me more than he loves himself. But yet I found it out hard way, from ob-gyn’s news that I have chlamydia. I trusted him 100%. He had freedom to do whatever he wanted whether to travel abroad solo for months or with his band mates. I never thought that he’d cheat on me. I thought he was a loyal, honest person. Once I found out that he cheated on me, of course he had to gaslight to me yelling “You are really mean person. I wanted to tell you that I slept with somebody else. But I knew you’d yell at me. So I didn’t tell you.” Since then I found out he had had cheated on me many times with an escort who wrote on her profile “If your money is funny don’t talk to me.” and others. I had to lick my wounds and I forgave him telling him “Never again cheat on me”. He agreed. But after several months I found out the reason he didn’t come home the night before my and my youngest child’s departure abroad he was waiting for an arrival of another new encounter at our business. While I was gone with my youngest child abroad for 2 weeks a different woman was staying in our house (she even did some black magic thing in our house, I found it out while cleaning my home) that he even forgot to take our oldest child from my friend’s house to the point my friend had to call me long distance to ask me if my husband was alive. Once I confronted his infidelity after my arrival from abroad, he left us (over 3 years ago). Since then in these 3 years he has had at least 10 affairs. His last mistress decided to anchor him down last summer knowing she’s just his summer rendevouz and announced her pregnancy. He is tied down now with a person with whom he doesn’t even love. For her it’s also beneficial as she’s a homeless woman. We live in a small town where people gossip a lot. Some people told me his mistress is pregnant from somebody else and told him it’s his. He doesn’t even take care of his real children who were born in a marriage that he loved. I just have to say karma on him. Oh yes, of course he blames me and denies all of his infidelity. I don’t know how is he denying to others about living with a pregnant woman.
      As for me I’ve always have been hearing from people that I’m an attractive lady. As soon as my husband left there were many men who offered their heart and soul to me. I’m in touch with my childhood love and the future looks brighter 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.