Infidelity causes intense emotional pain--anger, disbelief, fear, guilt and shame. But an affair doesn't have to mean the end of your marriage.Resources
Here are some of the resources that we have found to be helpful in our recovery from infidelity:
E-Books and Courses
Every e-book that we recommend is one that we have actually purchased or reviewed ourselves. Many offer free email courses which allows one to sample what these experts have to offer.
“The Emotional Affair Journey Handbook — Vol. 1″ by Doug & Linda. A collection of our best posts from our first 6 months in a handy pdf format. Includes the previously untold story of how Doug’s affair began.
“Break Free From the Affair” by Dr. Robert Huizenga. This book by the “Infidelity Coach” discusses the various types of affairs and what to do about them.
“The First Step in Surviving Infidelity – From Basket Case to Making Your Cheating Spouse Blink” by Dr. Robert Huizenga. This is a follow up to his other book and deals more with your actions and reactions to infidelity.
“How to Survive an Affair” by Dr. Frank Gunzburg. One of the most comprehensive resources we have used. Very in depth system with lots of great advice for both the victim and the cheating spouse.
“Save My Marriage Today” by Amy Waterman. Amy offers a very good resource for couples to work through a myriad of issues in a marriage. This is a very popular resource for good reasons.
“Save the Marriage” by Lee Baucom. Lee is a Ph.D who lets you know what works and what doesn’t work when trying to save your marriage.
“Marriage Fitness” by Mort Fertel. Comprehensive marriage counseling resource offering assessments and exercises for building a strong marriage.
“The Art & Science of Love” by Ph.D John Gottman & Ph.D Julie Schwartz Gottman. Great stuff from the Gottman’s workshop, whether your marriage is in trouble or not. Teaches to help you work on what’s important in a relationship.
“How to Cope With a Cheating Spouse” by Jeff Murrah. A very good book offering great tips on how to deal with infidelity and a cheating spouse after discovery of an affair. No fluff. Lots of good info. Includes workbook. Also check out the webinar recording with Jeff where we discuss some of the important points of the book.
Books from The Library
One or both of us has read every book in our Library at some point. Here are our absolute favorites:
“Torn Asunder” with the Workbook by David Carder
“The Divorce Remedy” by Michelle Weiner-Davis
“Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus” by John Gray
“Infidelity: A Survival Guide” by Don-David Lusterman
“Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 other Secrets to a Great Relationship” by M. Gary Neuman
“Love Must be Tough” by Dr. James C. Dobson
“Passion” by Barbara De Angelis
“Happy for No Reason” by Marci Shimoff
“Surviving an Affair” by Dr. Willard Harley
Websites
Break-free-from-the-affair.com – Dr. Robert Huizenga’s site offers articles, free resources and blog about infidelity.
Survivinginfidelity.net – Infidelity forums and articles.
Talkaboutmarriage.com – many forums on all aspects of marriage.
Psychologytoday.com – lots of articles on infidelity by professional therapist and psychologists.
Marriagebuilders.com – Dr. Willard Harley’s site is chock full of articles, audios and forums.
Divorcebusting.com – Michelle Weiner-Davis has a very good site with lots of relationship advice and articles.
Other Resources to check out:
Signs of Cheating:
- Book by Ruth Houston–“Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs.” Offered in our library and as an e-book. The e-book comes with a couple of added bonus sections: For men –Is SHE Cheating? And a section with affair recovery advice.
- A gazillion articles on signs of cheating at Ezine articles.
- Other books about the signs of cheating from our Library.
Should you spy?
- A brief free report (13 pages) by Dr. Robert Huizenga entitled “Should I Spy?” discusses the pros and cons of spying to find out the truth.
Catch a Cheating Spouse E-books:
- Comprehensive e-book by Sarah Paul, “How to Catch a Cheating Spouse,” addresses virtually every aspect of cheating along with ways to determine if your spouse may be cheating. Discusses spying methods and equipment. One of the bonuses of purchasing this book is a free download of Sherlock Pro computer monitoring software. We’ve personally reviewed this book and do recommend it.
- “How to Catch Your Cheating Lover” by Edward Talurdey: Similar program to the above. Offers techniques and resources to catch a cheater along with some added bonuses.
Reading Body Language:
- Here’s a brief 3 minute video where a retired FBI agent discusses how to read a person’s body language to tell if they are lying. To watch it click here.
- Video from a body language expert: To view it click here.
- Two books on the subject: “What Every Body is Saying” by Joe Navarro and “Body Language 101” by David Lambert.
- Loads of articles on body Language and Lying on Ezine Articles.
Computer Monitoring:
Keylogging software allows for tracking (or logging) the keys struck on a computer keyboard, typically in a covert manner so that the person using the keyboard is unaware that their actions are being monitored.
- CNET offers a Free Keylogger download for you to check out.
- More computer monitoring gadgets and software. More bang, but also more bucks.
Portable Lie Detector:
- Hand held lie detector that analyzes audio and claims to be able to detect if someone is lying. To view information on this device go to the Deception Detector website.
Other Spy Devices:
- A variety of devices to catch a cheating spouse. This special Catch a Cheater package has products such as GPS tracking devices, cell phone monitoring devices, SIM card readers (for reading deleted texts), mini covert cameras, computer monitoring devices and even a semen detection kit. Wow! Go to Spy Associates to check these out.
Phone and Email Searches:
- Google: To find who a phone number belongs to, first try to do a search on Google. Type phone number (cell phones too) in quotations (try both with and without dashes)and hit search. For example, “555-123-4567”
- Reverse Phone Serches: The Phone Detective offers searches for cell phones, landlines and business phone numbers. The service provides access to high-quality data with a high-frequency of matches. Nobody has 100% of numbers, and any claims otherwise simply aren’t true. Not a “phone book” for cell phone numbers. This is a paid service, but can offer you more information than a Google search. A full phone report is $19.90 and a one year Premium Membership is $44.90 and offers unlimited people searches and phone lookups.
- Email Finder: Find nearly anyone’s email. Search by name or email address to find contact information, social networks, and professional listings. It’s a reverse email search to find out who the account is registered to. This is a paid service and a single email report is $14.95, or you can do unlimited searches for $1.95 per month.
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