Break Free From the Affair – Review
Since you have found this review I must assume that you are faced with infidelity in some form or fashion and are looking for a review of Dr. Robert Huizenga’s book, “Break Free From the Affair.” Perhaps you have even read some of the other sites that offer reviews of this book.
My review might be a little different from most in that I am not just some person who is trying to sell you a copy of Dr. Huizenga’s book and earn a commission without having even read the book, or for that matter having ever suffered from infidelity. As a betrayed spouse, I’ve actually put to work the strategies that are suggested in this book.
You see, I actually lived through, and continue to heal from my husband’s infidelity that occurred almost 3 years ago. Dr. Huizenga’s book was a life saver for me and was the first e-book about infidelity that I ever purchased.
It’s safe to say that without having knowledge of the information that is contained within this book, I would have not known about the various types of affairs much less how to proceed with surviving the affair and what to do to save my marriage. In our case, the type of affair was an emotional one which Dr. Huizenga refers to as the “I Fell out of Love…and just love being in love” type of affair.
The type of affair that you are faced with may be quite different and thus would require significantly different strategies for overcoming it.
An affair is not an affair. Affairs are exceedingly complex.
The major purpose of this book is to get you started in the right direction and to begin acting now on significant, well-thought-out, time-tested strategies. Certainly, Dr, Huizenga delivers in this area.
In working with hundreds of couples and thousands of individuals Dr. Huizenga has been able to identify patterns and themes that run through marriages, relationships and affairs.
Knowing a pattern is exceedingly helpful. It helps you get to the core of the issue or issues. And, when you are at the core, you achieve a high degree of clarity about what you need to do to make something happen.
Once you identify a pattern (or the nature of the affair facing you) you have a head start on moving through the affair with more knowledge and power.
Most studies indicate it takes two to four years to move completely through an affair, healing the feelings and reconstructing your relationships.
If you study the different types of affairs, focus on the areas that apply to you and implement some of the strategies, you will cut down on that time frame significantly.
“Break Free From the Affair” defines the seven types of affairs which are:
1. My Marriage Made Me Do It
2. I Can’t Say No
3. I Don’t Want to Say NO
4. I Fell Out of Love (and just love being in love)
5. I Want to Get Back at Him/Her
6. I Need to Prove My Desirability
7. I Want to Be Close to Someone (which means I can’t stand intimacy)
In addition, the book provides you with more helpful information in the appendices:
- 7 Powerful Tactics to Break Free From the Affair and Stop it NOW
- 12 Unattractive, Ugly, Typical Tactics Most People Use to Prolong the Affair and Guarantee Their Own Misery
When you purchase “Break Free From the Affair” you also receive some bonus materials:
- “How To Get Over It For Good! The Cure for Every Upset” In this 48 page e-book, Paul and Layne Cutright teach you how to transform your experience of arguments and upsets in your relationships. Rather than avoiding confrontation and “walking on eggshells”, you will be able to safely and constructively talk about things that are hard to talk about.
- “The Cheating Spouse Guide” This guide, written by someone who has been-there-done-that, includes effective ways to find out if your mate is cheating.
- The Break Free Newsletter. This monthly newsletter presents innovative, thought provoking and exceedingly helpful articles and tools that become tomorrow’s best selling e-books and resources.
- Bi-weekly webinar calls. For a limited time, Dr. Huizenga offers bi-weekly webinar calls for you to log in or call in and ask your questions or just listen. Get support. Sharpen your direction. Cut through the confusion.
Dr. Huizenga also offers a full 60-day money back guarantee.
This book will help you to break free from the affair and chart a new course for your life and relationship.
I know from experience that this is a most difficult journey. The affair most likely will, or is, shaking you to your very core. It stirs up profound feelings such as betrayal, rage, hurt, sadness or confusion, to name a few, that often control your every waking thought and often disturb you virtually every minute of each day.
So, your journey is intense and to be honest, quite complex.
Use Dr. Huizenga’s two decades plus of experience, study and research as a therapist to provide a wealth of in-depth and solid information to help you break free from the affair.
Your life will never be the same but it can be better, and you can find the life and love relationship you really want.
This book will point you in the right direction. It did for me!
Added Bonus!
I really do want to see you recover from infidelity to live a life a health and happiness, so to give you an extra incentive, if you purchase “Break Free From the Affair” from this link (or any other link on this page), we will give you a copy of our book, “Journey to Trust: Rebuilding Trust After an Affair” and all of the bonuses that are included – absolutely free. (You can read more about our book by clicking here)
Just email us at help {at} emotionalaffair {dot} org with your receipt number that you get after you purchase Dr. Huizenga’s book, and we will promptly send you the download information for our book and all of the bonus information.
Best of luck to you! I wish you nothing but success in your healing and recovery from infidelity.
Linda
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Marriage Fitness Review
We have been receiving many requests to review books and programs as this site gains in popularity, and one of those that has come across our desk is from Mort Fertel and his Marriage Fitness program.
Mort Fertel is an authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for saving marriages. He has been a featured expert on ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, and the Fox News Network, and is also a frequent guest on talk radio programs.
Mort’s Marriage Fitness program has been around a long time, so Linda and I signed up for the free newsletter which also offered a link to some free marriage assessments. “OK, we’ll give it a try” we thought, then we proceeded to answer a few questions about how we prioritize our relationships with each other, etc. We knew where it was headed, but this assessment was very useful because we saw ways that we could improve while we were taking it. He also had assessments on fidelity, knowledge of your spouse, giving patterns, and decision making. All are very useful tools that helped us look more objectively at our relationship, especially in light of the situation we have been going through the last several months. So it was well worth the time and effort.
The free newsletter is full of useful information
The newsletter continued to have some very well thought out, useful material which we continued receiving for some time. And you never get any hard-nosed sales pitch or anything like that, which is great. He does of course offer some programs for sale on his site, but we’re always a little skeptical when it comes to the “Save Your Marriage” programs that are out there, and we don’t want to just recommend anything that’s not worth a darn. We also had a false preconceived notion that this program would only be something for couples near the brink of divorce, the really tough cases. So we asked Mort (an employee I’m sure) to send us a copy of his program, and he did.
We were proved wrong. We were immediately surprised at some of the really good advice to improve our relationship. The thing we remember most clearly was that his advice was full of really basic things that we should all be doing to maintain good relationships with our spouse; yet at the same time, they are the things we sometimes forget to do. These things can lead to unfortunate situations down the road if not applied.
There are also programs for folks who are in crisis mode whose marriages are on the brink. They are offered for use by either one spouse or as a couple. Keep in mind that these are “programs” which generally provide a process for one to follow to be effective. They are not magic cure-alls for someone who is not willing to work or put forth any honest effort. So if your relationship is in desperate need of help, these programs might be the way to go. But don’t take our word for it.
To get started you’ll want to sign up for the free newsletter which will touch on the following subjects among others:
- I love you but I’m not IN LOVE with you.” An analysis and a solution.
- How to change your marriage even when your spouse doesn’t want to.
- How to get your spouse to change.
- How to forgive and be forgiven.
- How do you know when to quit?
- Analysis Paralysis: How to unstuck your marriage
- How to end a separation.
- How to stop a divorce.
- How to end an affair and reconnect at home.
- How to heal your spouse’s hurt and get them to give you another chance.
- How to talk so your spouse listens and listen so your spouse talks.
- How to get over your past (and past your hurt)
- How to protect your children from your marriage problems
- How to know if your marriage will survive.
- How to increase your marriage IQ.
- How to get your spouse to STOP.
- How to restore honor and dignity to your relationship
- How to heal old wounds in your marriage
- How to say “I’m sorry.”
You get all this information for free and more, plus 5 relationship profile assessments.
Lots of stuff included that’s for sure, so go to his website: MarriageMax.com, and sign up for his free newsletter to decide for yourself. We think Mort has a good thing going on here; it should be helpful for a lot of marriages.
Best wishes as always,
Doug & Linda
PS: If there are any books or programs out there that you’ve been wondering if they worth shelling out money for, let us know and we can check them out for you. Believe us when we tell you that we have read, reviewed or purchased most of them over the last several months while trying to save our marriage. If we haven’t, we’ll get a copy and review it for you.
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“How to Survive an Affair” : A Review
As we have mentioned previously on this blog, Dr. Frank Gunzburg and his book “How to Survive an Affair” has proved to be a very valuable resource. What we have enjoyed most about this book, is that it’s actually more than a book—it’s a system. Systems are easier to follow and adhere to than most books. Granted, it’s a little pricey, but it’s far less than the cost of one session of counseling. We decided to do a review of the system for you so that you can get a better idea if it is suitable for you and your situation. As part of the program, he offers kind of a test-drive with a free e-course that you might want to take advantage of.
In April 2004, Dr. Gunzburg performed an extensive survey of 300 willing couples who all had suffered from the effects of an affair.
Despite a lot of hard work (including counseling) that the couples undertook, only 55% were willing to continue the relationship. (Of those who were willing to continue, 71% stayed because of the children.) Many were ready to call it quits. So, what was the problem?
Dr. Gunzburg believes that “successfully repairing your relationship is not about doing a lot of hard work; it’s a system. This system is about doing the right things, BUT more importantly, doing them in the right order.” It’s about building on success after success—systematically.
While there are many good books that offer great information for understanding how you feel, they do not carefully organize that information into phases that help you, your partner, and then both of you work things out.
They simply expect you to figure it out with trial and error. That’s why books don’t heal marriages. But systems do.
In Dr. Gunzburg’s program there are three phases to help a couple save their marriage after an affair:
Phase I: Individual Healing – Understanding Personal Feelings and Sorting through Emotions
• Take control of the paralyzing emotions.
• Regain your sense of stability and get rid of the images.
• Eliminate the paranoia and restore your self-confidence.
• Cut-off the affair and move back to your spouse.
• Replace the lies with truth and start over.
• Understand why the affair happened.
• Uncover what was missing and how to add it.
Phase II: Healing As a Couple – Working Together to Identify and Resolve Key Issues
• Accelerate the healing process: Protect your relationship from further harm.
• Discover how to talk about the details.
• Transform your relationship with a heart-felt apology.
• Generate new honest communication.
• Ignite a renewed life-long commitment.
• Capture peace of mind with true forgiveness.
Phase III: Negotiating a Renewed Relationship – Understanding How to Rebuild and Sustain a New Trust-filled Partnership
• Eliminate the suspicion with complete transparency.
• Restore your sex life without haunting visions.
• Affair-proof your marriage for life.
• Develop lasting safety, honesty and intimacy.
• Accept the past without being tormented
As documented in this blog, an affair is one of the most painful things that can happen in a marriage, and the effects can be long lasting to say the least. Our marriage is not the same after the affair, but Dr. Gunzburg’s system and expert advice has helped us down the right path.
He has been helping couples affair proof their marriage for over 30 years and has used all his hands on expertise to create this excellent system to help you survive an affair. All that experience shows in the course and it has to be highly recommended for its thoroughness and attention to detail.
“How to Survive an Affair” has a 100% money-back guarantee so there is no risk if the course doesn’t work for you. If nothing else, check out the free email course to get a feel for what he has to offer. I’m sure you will be impressed like we were.
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Review of “Save My Marriage Today” by Amy Waterman
After Linda discovered my emotional affair with Tanya, she became a research fanatic. She scoured the Internet for hours at a time trying to find anything that would help our situation and offer advice on how to heal the pain that she was feeling. I reluctantly read several of them, but most of them pretty much said the same thing.
These were typically articles or books written by psychological and marriage experts. However, there was a resource Linda found that really did offer extremely valuable information and advice, and it’s safe to say that this resource was an integral part in helping us to find our lost loving feelings for each other. For this reason we highly recommend “Save My Marriage Today” by Amy Waterman.
When Linda first asked me to review the information I was skeptical, but I thought I’d make Linda happy and give it a try. By the time I had finished, I was really impressed. I realized for the first time, that this book would be absolutely essential for couples like us who are serious about solving their marital difficulties, and I don’t just mean young couples either. This book applies to couples young and old.
No matter what your marriage situation, if you are male or female, or how many years you have been married, there are tips and tools that can assist every couple with developing sound communication and conflict resolution techniques.
You can check it out at Save My Marriage Today.
Everybody knows someone who is in a difficult or failing marriage, and since you are reading this blog, there’s a good chance that it may even be you…..
Nobody said marriage was ever going to be easy, and if they did, they were lying. It’s perfectly normal in a marriage to have disagreements and times when things involve a little more effort than they used to. In an ideal world we would sit and talk about these changes and differences in a calm and rational manner, and establish an outcome and move on. Unfortunately things don’t always work like that. Its all too easy to get caught up in the moment and let things deteriorate to the point where you are both wondering why you are still in it.
Amy has developed a course that encourages couples to break the ice and develop ways to interact and strengthen their failing relationship. She deals with topics such as:
- Tips on how to rescue your marriage
- How to reintroduce passion
- How to repair your marriage after an affair
- Self assessment
- Gestures that are more important than words
- And much, much more….
I was impressed with the content, not only with the theory but the accompanying exercises at the end of many chapters that helped cement the concepts and helped us apply it to our marriage. In addition to this she has included a free email consultation so that customers can discuss any specific problems or further clarification that the course doesn’t already cover.
Obviously, the ebooks and course offered much advice and numerous guidelines to follow, but the real key is putting the information to work. It will be difficult and it won’t happen overnight, but change will occur and good things will happen if you apply the tactics in the program. We can honestly say that we applied the information and it has worked for us.
But don’t take our word for it, see for yourself! Take a look at: Save My Marriage Today.
LINESPACE
UPDATE!
Since originally writing this review quite some time ago, Amy and author Andrew Rusbatch have gone a big step further in their attempts to help people save their marriages. They’ve developed a home study course that can help you find the answers to your most difficult relationship problems. It’s called “The Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course.”
You can still of course try the original “Save My Marriage Today” program, but if you want to really delve deeper you might want to consider the premium course.
The course covers all the fundamental aspects of examining relationships. They provide resolutions to marriage problems such as:
* Identifying your marital issues. Do you really know specifically why your marriage is in crisis? Discover crucial techniques that help you get to the real issues quickly.
* Examining expectations of marriage. Is it not what you thought it was going to be? Learn the things you must know and how to avoid the misconceptions that are plaguing your marriage.
* Ten steps to save your marriage after infidelity. If your marriage is affected by infidelity learn first-hand the key steps to stop the decline and start to make improvements immediately!
* Identifying and dealing with addiction. Hear the team discuss self-soothing, keys to transformation, detoxification, core therapies for treating addiction, relapse prevention, and tips for partners. They devote an hour and a half to offering key tips and strategies, and guiding you through the addiction support and treatment process.
* Creating a place for each other in your marriage. Do you feel smothered? Do you wish you could spend more quality time together? The authors offer key strategies for balancing all of your needs in the relationship.
* Managing Anger. What strategies do you have as a couple for processing and controlling anger? Find new ways to manage stress and express it in a positive way. You and your partner can work together doing some of the many exercises in the study guides to reconnect and express feelings with love.
* Balancing Goals. Feel like nothing you ever do is good enough? Use their recommendations to identify how to achieve your individual and personal goals immediately and in the future, and how to make both of you happy!
* Developing new tools for communication. Breaking the habits of the past and finding new ways to communicate with love. Discover the strategies necessary for reconnecting with your spouse in a way that you never have before!
* Transformation. Breaking the bad habits of the past and moving forward. Every relationship has a defining moment when it seems possible to both of you that you can save your marriage. Follow the guidelines to achieve the turnaround in your relationship in minimum time!
The Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course is an instant-download 12-part video and written course, AND includes FOUR additional topic-specific courses where the moderators delve into relationship issues for couples dealing with depression, addiction, infidelity, and money problems. That’s 8 hours of video and 5 study guides to work your way through!
Plus there are bonus interviews with guest relationship coaches Scot and Emily McKay discussing ways to cope with a partner with mental illness, and Mimi Tanner discussing how to keep your spouse interested in you forever.
In addition, there is a free email consultation so that customers can discuss any additional marriage issues with a member of the team. This really can help ANY couple with almost ANY marriage problem!
I really do believe Andrew, Amy and the Save My Marriage Today team are onto a good thing here, and they really want to help. The techniques are fresh, thought provoking, come from a range of perspectives, and have been proven over and over to help save marriages.
I would encourage you to look for yourself and do something today to kick-start your marriage-saving solution. Click here to check out more information about the course.
LINESPACE
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“Torn Asunder: Recovering From an Extramarital Affair” by Dave Carder
I recently was introduced to a book by Dave Carder called: “Torn Asunder: Recovering From an Extramarital Affair”
The author points out that both partners share the responsibility for the state of the relationship which led to the extra-marital affair. He writes, “The goal for both to figure out is: what emotional and/or physical nurturance did the infidel receive from the affair that was unavailable in the marriage?” This has been the subject of on going discussions for Linda and me from the onset, and has resulted in us constantly striving to make our needs known to each other so that they can indeed be satisfied.
One of the most interesting chapters of the book to me was that on forgiveness. Mr. Carder offers us a “Forgiveness List” to help guide couples through the process of forgiving infidelity, as misconceptions and bad practices surrounding forgiveness are the biggest mistakes most couples make.
The Forgiveness List:
1. Forgiveness at this level (after infidelity) of betrayal needs to be asked for. To voluntarily offer it without the infidel acknowledging their behavior is inappropriate and counter-productive to the healing process.
2. Forgiveness should not be asked for or granted as a “blanket” experience. There are multiple levels of betrayal that need to be identified and forgiven. Besides, it allows the spouse to process small pieces of the betrayal without having to handle the entire experience all at once.
3. The forgiveness request should not only identify each specific behavior of the infidel, but should also contain a “best guess” identification of how this behavior hurt the spouse.
4. Forgiveness is not the same as a commitment to reconcile the marriage. Forgiveness needs to be initiated, whether or not the marriage is saved.
5. The forgiveness process stimulates the rebuilding of respect, trust and love. It works like this: To the degree an individual can forgive some of the violations that occurred in this betrayal, to that degree they can begin to rebuild respect. To the degree they can rebuild respect, they can rebuild trust. To the degree that they can rebuild trust, they can start to rebuild love (if both spouses desire to do so).
6. The ability to forgive is a learned skill and highly influenced by an individual’s history with both being forgiven and forgiving others. If an individual struggles in this area, it often has more to do with their history than with the current infidelity.
Don’t give up on your marriage. If you and your spouse are willing to seek knowledge and recommit yourselves to each other and work on forgiveness, your marriage can recover and even thrive after an affair. This book can be a good resource to help you do just that.