what is stonewalling

The Last of the Four Horsemen: Stonewalling

By Sarah P. Not all negative communication patterns are alike. Sorting through the most harmful of these patterns has been one of the main areas of research for Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They have narrowed the four most harmful communication patterns down and refer to these patterns as The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, […]

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You Decide

You Decide: Is it an emotional affair or not?

We are launching a new series that we’ll run periodically called “You Decide” where you will provide your opinion on a fictional affair scenario. For each column, there will be a different scenario that has to do with infidelity. The purpose of this exercise is to define what infidelity means as well as to help […]

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John Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Defensiveness

John Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Defensiveness

By Sarah P. This post is the third segment in the John Gottman’s Four Horsemen series. In this post, I will be discussing defensiveness. But, before we jump into the post, I would like for you to watch this video. It’s only about 5 minutes long so let’s dive in:     I really like […]

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Coping with the Pain of Infidelity

Coping with the Pain of Infidelity

  We received an email the other day from a reader who writes the following:   I have been in contact with you during the last few months. Your site continues to be a great resource for me as I have come to terms with what happened in my marriage.   We are the couple […]

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the 5 stages of affair recovery

Discussion: What Stage of the Affair Recovery Process are You In at Present?

Whether you just found out about the affair or you are much further along in your recovery process, you have something in common… …You’d like things to get better and move closer to complete recovery, healing and a thriving marriage we all want. The first step is really understanding where you’re at currently. Take a […]

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four horsemen - contempt

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Part 2: Contempt

By Sarah P. This blog post is the continuation of a four-part series on Dr. John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. In the first blog post in this series, I discussed criticism, which was the first of the Four Horsemen. In this post, I will discuss contempt and the role it plays in destroying […]

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are you really ready for divorce

Are You Really Ready for Divorce?

Let’s face it.  Not every marriage is going to survive infidelity.  But are you really ready for divorce? It‘s probably impossible to know what percentage  of marriages end in divorce as a result of infidelity.  But based on the reader surveys we’ve conducted over the years, the percentage of divorced and/or separated respondents hovers around […]

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The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – Part One: Criticism

  By Sarah P. To start off the New Year well, Doug, Linda, and I decided it was time to take a closer look at how to build more successful marriages. As of today, there is no better theory on how to have successful marriages than the theories of Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Often, […]

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Open Mic Discussion

Open ‘Mic’ Discussion #26

It’s actually been since early September since we’ve had an open discussion.  So, we thought it’s a good time for Open Mic #26 !   In case you didn’t know, or are a new reader, this is where you guys call the shots and discuss the topics that you want to discuss. We know there must be […]

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musings on infidelity

The Ache of Affairs and What You Can Do About It

By Sarah P. The one question that people ask after their partner has had an affair is “why?” There are many answers to this question, but not enough information on what to do about it. In this blog post, I will talk about my own answer to the “why” and “what.” But first, let’s define […]

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