pillars of trust

The 8 Pillars of Trust  – Ways the Unfaithful Spouse Can Help Rebuild Trust

I listen to a few podcasts on a weekly basis.  My listening interests range primarily from sports, to business to relationships. The other day I listened to a business-related podcast on Donald Miller’s site where he interviewed David Horsager, leadership speaker and author of The Trust Edge. David believes practically every business problem is ultimately […]

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Runaway Spouse Syndrome

The Runaway Spouse Syndrome

By Sarah P. It all started a long time ago—probably as long ago as marriage existed—but most recently this phenomenon was brought into focus by Vikki Stark in her book Runaway Husbands.  I am calling this post The Runaway Spouse Syndrome because this is not necessarily a gender-specific phenomenon. While this behavior may be found […]

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Open 'Mic'

Open ‘Mic’ Discussion #28

It’s been a couple of months since our last discussion, so we felt it was time for Open ‘Mic’ Discussion #28 !   In case you didn’t know, or are a new reader, this is where you guys call the shots and discuss the topics that you want to discuss. We know there must be […]

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trauma after an affair

Affair Trauma Part 3: What I Learned at the Gottman Affair Trauma Seminar

By Sarah P. This is part three and the final post of the trauma series. I wanted to start this post with song lyrics, by Amanda Palmer, wife of Neil Gaiman (Dresden Dolls), that describe the paradox of trauma. Because really, trauma is a paradox. Biting keeps your words at bay Tending to the sores […]

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You Decide

What to Do After a Failed Confrontation? You Decide!

This is the latest installment of our ‘You Decide’ series where you will provide your opinion on a fictional affair scenario. In this particular scenario, Dale has  suspected that Susan was having an affair, but has struggled with whether or not to confront her.   Dale and Susan were college sweethearts who have been married for […]

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affair trauma

Affair Trauma Part 2: Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore

By Sarah P. This post is part two of a three part series on Affair Trauma.  (Click here for Part One)  In this post, I will discuss the real reasons you feel like you cannot fight the battle against trauma anymore. Once we understand why trauma and subsequent symptoms of PTSD are so difficult to […]

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what were you thinking

What Were You Thinking? Did You Think of Me?

“What were you thinking? Did you even consider the consequences? I just don’t understand how you did this without thinking at all of me and the kids!”  “Didn’t you even think of me?”  Those are just some of the questions that might be asked after a person’s world has been shattered by their spouse’s infidelity.  […]

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ptsd and affairs

Trauma Series Part One: PTSD and Affairs

By Sarah P. Anytime there is an affair, trauma is not far around the corner. In fact, I have never spoken to a betrayed spouse who says something to the extent of: “Yeah, my spouse’s affair was no big deal. It’s just one of those things—no more hurtful than getting home late for dinner.” If […]

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codependency recovery

Codependency: Don’t Fall Into This Trap – 5 Steps to Codependency Recovery

One of the topics that we mention now and then is the topic of codependency.  Why is codependency an important topic? Well, in short, codependency creates unhealthy marriages. But, codependency has what I refer to as a ‘positive side’ and a ‘negative side.’ But, here is the kicker— even the positive side of codependency is destructive. […]

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sense of self

Danger Ahead – You Can Live Without Your Spouse, But Not Without Yourself

Infidelity can annihilate our sense of self. By Sarah P. From the time we are children, we are told that when we grow up we must find a prince or princess charming and get married. Much of the mass media trades on this idea. It is so ingrained in our society that people rarely question it. […]

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