save your marriage

Save Your Marriage by Saving Yourself

One of the benefits of this site is to read and learn from the experiences of others who have walked in your shoes. Hopefully, you all read the comments as we feel that that is where some of the best advice can be found. This post addresses how it may be appropriate to work more […]

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Open ‘Mic’ Discussion #12

For the time being, we’ve decided to stop our regular weekly discussions that we’ve been running since 2010.  However, we will still be posting the ‘Open Mic’ discussions each month. So once again it’s that time.  This is Open Mic #12 and we hope that there are some things that are going on that you […]

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dealing with abusive relationships

Resources for Dealing with Abusive Relationships

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last couple of weeks (or live outside the US), by now you’re probably more than aware of the whole Ray Rice situation. I won’t rehash the whole story for those who may not be in the know, but here’s a link you can go to if […]

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finding meaning in the affair

Stirring Things Up – Finding Meaning in the Affair

“It’s time to move on.” “I know I screwed up and I know I won’t do it again.” “Digging up all these past wounds doesn’t do either of us any good.” Have you heard (or said) any – or all – of these phrases in the past? Of course you as the betrayed also want […]

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adhd and infidelity

ADHD and Infidelity – Definition, Symptoms, Real Life Example

As a teacher, Linda utilizes the local library quite a bit. She checks out numerous books each week to use in her third grade classroom. She typically reserves the books online and when they become available, the library alerts her by email – our joint email, btw. So each day, I’m used to seeing various […]

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false reconciliation

False Reconciliation – Perhaps More Devastating than D-day

There’s a devastating situation that we run into quite frequently when talking with other couples. In fact, some consider it even more devastating than the initial affair discovery. OK, here’s the scenario (based on a true case story, btw)…You’ve discovered the affair and your spouse almost immediately breaks down and begs for forgiveness and promises […]

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filling the void caused by infidelity

Filling the Void Caused by Infidelity

I was talking to my father the other day and he mentioned to me that it was the ten year anniversary of my grandpa passing away. I hadn’t remembered that at all, but after hearing that I started to travel down memory lane just a bit to think about my grandparents. One thing that always […]

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facing the pain of infidelity

Facing the Pain of Infidelity

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” – Kenji Miyazawa The pain of being betrayed by your spouse is a strong feeling that can be difficult to process.  Why? Because the trauma of the betrayal creates within us many emotions, such as fear, confusion, shame, guilt, anger, and resentment. These […]

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the affair fantasy

The BS Can’t Get Sucked Into the Affair Fantasy

I received an email the other day from a young man I’ve been mentoring for the last few months. I thought it might be helpful, enlightening and inspirational to some of you. A little background first… His fiancé was having an affair with her boss. She was deep in the fog and the affair fantasy. […]

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after my affair

4 Lessons Learned: 20 Years After My Affair

Reflections on what I’ve learned and what I wish I’d known twenty years ago. by Tim Tedder I remember one particular afternoon in college when, for some reason, I became deeply contemplative during a walk from class to my dorm room. My considerations turned to future expectations, imagining what path my life would take. What […]

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