Thank you for coming to our blog about the emotional affair that I (Doug) had with a co-worker over a year ago.  It’s been a long hard road to recovery from that affair for me and my wife, Linda, but I’m happy to say that things are going very well, and we have re-established our love for each other. That’s not to say that there haven’t been many bumps in the road along the way, and there continue to be bumps regularly, but our relationship is on the mend and gets better with each passing day.

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Quite coincidentally, we received an email yesterday from one of our readers who had some words to share regarding marital infidelity as an addiction.  After getting her permission, we thought it would be an interesting and thought provoking piece to post.

Compared to many people that have shared their opinions on affairs, she has somewhat of a unique stance regarding the way that she feels that she should have dealt with her husband’s marital affair (addiction).

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Good Wednesday to all!

We’ve talked about this many times before on this site. Some of you agree and some of you don’t agree with the premise that infidelity is an addiction. So here is today’s question…short and sweet:

Is marital infidelity an addiction, or is it just a bulls@#t excuse?

Please be sure to respond to each other’s comments!

If any of you have ideas or suggestions for future discussion topics, don’t be afraid to shoot us an email and we will certainly consider your ideas. Our email is help@emotionalaffair.org

Also, don’t forget to utilize the forum!

Thanks again!

Doug & Linda

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Your comments from my post from yesterday were insightful and helped me to make a move in the right direction. I believe that I should personally deal with this emptiness feeling and figure out what is missing in my life after Doug’s emotional affair.  I am not looking for a quick solution. I am just trying to find meaning.

Jeffrey asked some good questions about if I had felt this emptiness before the affair. Looking back I can honestly say I didn’t.  I had a rewarding career. I always felt very fulfilled as a wife and mother. I had many interests and hobbies that kept me very busy.  I had friends.  In fact, these are all still present today.

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I was reading some of the comments this weekend and I felt that so many of them had the same theme and many of the same problems voiced by the betrayed spouse after the affair. I also felt the same sentiment but I really couldn’t put my finger on just what it was.  I guess at times I just feel empty. I know that our marriage is better than it has been in a long time.  Our relationship is great and the time we spend together is enjoyable.  For some reason I feel something is missing.  I want more from Doug but I am not sure what that is.

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I have read all of John Gray’s books in the past, and recently picked up his new one called, “Venus on Fire Mars on Ice.” It has a lot of the scientific data that I enjoy absorbing.  I haven’t realized this about myself until after the affair, but I am somewhat of a geek.  I love gathering data, research and information to help me understand life’s problems.

The insert of the book promises to provide the knowledge required to “…ensure a steady supply of feel-good hormones for you and your partner.”  He states that he would teach me about stress hormones, especially the ways that they harm our health and complicate our ability to relate to one another.

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There are some of you who are further along in the recovery process than others.  Surviving infidelity now has become more a process of strengthening yourself and your marriage instead of dealing with the immediate aftershocks of D-day.

Dr. Willard Harley, in his book “Surviving an Affair,” has four rules of marriage that can guide a couple to total recovery from an affair.  Harley claims that without his four rules you will certainly fail in your efforts at surviving infidelity.

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Well it’s hump day again!

Some weeks it’s easier  than others to think of discussion topics.  This was one of those tough weeks.  Again though, we got this idea from one of those who commented recently.  So here it is:

Is it possible in your situation that the affair can actually be a good thing for your marriage?  Has the affair brought to light all that was bad in your marriage and given you a wake up call to make some changes together?

If any of you have ideas or suggestions for future discussion topics, don’t be afraid to shoot us an email and we will certainly consider your ideas. Our email is help@emotionalaffair.org

Also, don’t forget to utilize the forum!

Thanks again!

Doug & Linda

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While writing this post my emotions took over and I began to feel the pain of all of this again.  I ran up to my little hiding place and had a melt down.  It is amazing how all the negative feelings can be released with a good cry. Of course Doug was confused and upset with my crying.  I know it was difficult for him to see me like that when all of this happened over a year ago.  I believe that when things are so hurtful we keep it locked up in a little box and try not to think about them, until something triggers us to remember and we relive the pain like it happened yesterday.

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Last week I responded to a reader with a comment that getting over the fact that Doug couldn’t love me was more painful than the affair, and several people replied, so I felt a need to write a post about my experience.

When I first found out about Doug’s emotional affair he voiced confusion about what to do and told me that he didn’t have loving feelings for me.  He couldn’t put is finger on it but said I was attractive, he enjoyed my company, cared for me, but he didn’t love me anymore.  Those were the most difficult words a spouse could hear.

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Today is exactly 7 months since our very first post on this blog. We wanted to first say thank you to all of you for being readers.  We have learned and grown a tremendous amount with the help of all of you, and we truly hope that you have been able to learn from us.  This really has been a journey and you all are helping us out immensely.  It’s amazing the therapeutic value we get from doing this.

It’s hard to believe, but since that first post back on December 16^th, we have posted a total of 157 times.  When you think about it, over the 212 days since that first post, we have posted on 74% of those days.   You probably can guess that we are passionate about this subject and about recovering from infidelity.

Today, we’re writing to ask for your help.  As you can imagine, researching, writing and responding to comments for this blog takes a tremendous amount of time and effort.  We would like to think that this time and effort is being well spent.  Therefore, we would appreciate your input as to what you would like to experience when you visit.

We’ve got a zillion ideas, but don’t want to implement them if they won’t interest or be of benefit to all of you.  As an example, the Forum hasn’t taken off like we thought it would.  Apparently many of you must be too shy, or just like conversing in the comment section as opposed to the forum.  As a result, we may chalk that up as a failed experiment and close it down soon.

Here are some of the ideas that we are kicking around:

• Audio, written or video interviews with marriage and infidelity experts and authors. These would be formatted as a blog post or a podcast so that you could check them out at your leisure.

• Webinars with marriage and infidelity experts.  These would be similar to a conference call where we would all be on a call at the same time, with the ability to ask questions of the expert.

• A coaching program.  In this instance, we would schedule one on one telephone sessions with those who are interested in individual assistance.

• We also have kicked around doing interviews with any of you who might be interested in sharing your story.

The bottom line is we want to provide you with the best possible experience so that you can have the knowledge you feel is necessary to help you recover from infidelity and improve your relationships—whether you are a victim or have had an affair yourself.

So if you would be so kind as to use the comment section and make suggestions of what you would find most helpful.  You can mention ideas for post topics, ideas for future Open Discussion topics, format ideas such as video or audio…basically anything you can think of.  We would greatly appreciate the input.

One other thing…if you enjoy a post or the comments to a post, please pass it along by Tweeting it or hitting the “Share This” button.  By doing this we can possibly attract more readers and in turn additional points of view.  Feel free to donate to the blog at anytime too!

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