When I found out that Doug had fallen out of love with me and found someone else who was “perfect” for him, I set out to clean house on myself. I definitely took the blame, and thought I needed to make a lot of changes to save my marriage. Obviously, I wasn’t thinking clearly and was desperate, so I set out to change everything after the affair.
I threw away all my old underwear and bras and bought matching, sexier ones. I tossed all the old boxers and sweats I wore around the house in exchange for cute little nighties.
I also wore my padded, push-up bra around the house (like I was really fooling Doug into thinking I have big boobs). I put make-up on when I woke up in the morning. I even began closing the door when I used the bathroom. The list goes on and on.
Looking back I wonder what I was thinking. Would these stupid little things really help me to save my marriage? If so, then the marriage wasn’t worth saving in the first place. But these little things have been very difficult for me to let go of, and I really didn’t understand why until recently.
Saturday morning when Doug and I got out of bed, it was a beautiful, cool, fall morning and I preceded to put on my shear little nighty, like I have for the past two years. I have learned to sacrifice warm for sexiness.
Doug asked why I was wearing that, and why I didn’t put on my pink fluffy bathrobe. I looked at him like he had lost his mind. I was thinking I can’t wear that because it swallows me up and you can only see my head and toes.
He was confused why I didn’t wear the bathrobe anymore, but then he told me that I looked beautiful in that robe, and very sexy because it looked like I was naked underneath it. His words were so sweet and genuine that I really felt secure when I put on the robe. He really did good!
I realized that I was afraid to let all the silly little changes go. I was afraid that he would leave me or fall out of love with me again. I guess those silly little things were my security blanket. It really made me think about what I had changed about myself because of his emotional affair, and that I need to bring those things back because they define who I really am.
Doug and I have made some very good changes concerning our marriage, and personally we have definitely thought about how our behaviors and communication contributed to the distance that had existed in our marriage before the affair. However, wearing a bathrobe, closing the door and always wanting Doug to see me as perfect can be thrown out of the door. I can save my marriage by just being who I really am.