By Linda & Doug
Every so often we like to take the pulse of the readers by conducting a reader survey. Well, it’s that time again! (Especially since it’s been since 2017 since we conducted one!)
So…We’d appreciate it very much if you could help us out and take this confidential 16-question survey.
We know, that seems like a lot of questions, but the vast majority require just one-click to answer. It should only take you about 4 minutes to complete.
Since your needs are constantly evolving – as well as readers coming and going to Emotional Affair Journey – these surveys are always very important as they help us to determine what is most important to you guys so that we can address your issues in future posts or with other resources.
The survey is below for you to complete. Just scroll down a bit and you can start right here on this page. Or, you can click here and go to a separate page to complete it.
Remember that there are 16 questions in all, so you will have to use the slider thingy on the right side of the box to scroll down to answer all the questions. And make sure you press the “Done” button when you’re finished.
If you’re on a cell phone, more than likely there will not be the slider thingy and instead you will just need to “slide” down using your finger through the survey to answer the questions. (We hope that makes sense!)
We will report back to you the results in a week or so, or as soon as we get a substantial amount of responses.
Stay tuned because there are always some interesting findings and/or tidbits that come out of these things.
Thank you so much. We really appreciate your time!
Linda & Doug
9 replies to "The 2021 Emotional Affair Journey Reader Survey"
Hit a red flag last week on recognizing spouse in emotional affair and his attempt to make me feel guilty. He discourages me seeking the peer support I need because of his guilt. and. thus denies me support while he is off in la la land. Fortunately just found own therapist.
My husband has just owned up to being angry with himself. He says it’s grinding him down. His affair ended about a year ago. We are in recovery although lack of intimacy is a problem as he seems to be holding back. I do feel this is a break through because up until now he has answered questions but this is the first time he has admitted to how he is feeling. I’m hoping we can move forward but I’m unsure about how I can help him. He doesn’t like talking about any of it, so it’s taken months to get all the answers I need. I think he’d like to forget the whole damn thing. If only we could. We have been married for 51 years and his affair was for a couple of years with a much younger woman and a so called friend.
I am not sure I will be able to forgive my husband and would welcome a support group to talk with others in this situation.
Hi Wendy, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I would suggest reading as much as you can on this site and encourage your husband to as well, IF you think he would be responsive to it. Most will not if they’re still in the affair or just got out of it. Only you will know enough to be able to guess how he would react. The best thing you can do is concentrate on you. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Exercise, meditate, eat right, try to get enough sleep, etc. You do you. Good luck and God bless you!
I have been reading this blog for almost 3 yrs , along with daily emails from EAJ.
For the most part they have helped alot. My spouse had an EA with someone at work. Says it was not physical but in our therapy session it was trending there and also based on the texts, websites i seen ( how he was caught)
We have attended therapy , read many books and I have read this site. We have the tools but hubby is not consistent. It took him him 2 yrs to change work locations where he could start fresh with the tools we have learned. Since covid he has been working from and i hear how he talks with his staff and he still provides the empathy to these women ( one actually calls every morning btwn 7-730am and there convos are long and not about work most of the call) he really has not provide mush support to help with trust building as we have had a few issues over the course of 3 yrs when i ask to see his phone and read/things.
My dilemma is that after 3 yrs of therapy, lots of reading and talking ( mostly me) about triggers, feelings i have , concerns ) he still gets defensive . Now he is returning back to original workplace where all these woman and affair person is and didnt have the decency to talk to me about it. He says he loves me, he says he would never do it again, he did apologize (but i think it was part of therapy session) … he doesnt understand or get it why i get upset and think about this. He doesnt like conflict and just wants to sweep it under the rug and take his word.
I have not had any trust build back up, and any that was built up was destroyed with something i found that he didnt mention. We have talked about what we need to get thru this (needs) he says he has none .. just to be with me and communicate… problem is he doesnt communicate with me … still on a need to know basis and he keeps work and home completely separate. But it was the workplace that caused this and the things he does there and doesnt tell me about. Or lied . I really wouldnt know one way what was true or not. Until something pops up which it always does. How can trust be built if he keeps things and only talks about the guy stuff which i know is not the case. As i heard about 5yrs of these ladies till dday then not a peep about them.
I have thoughts of ending our 29 yr relationship (we are not married) because I dont feel i should be second priority to his work mates, i should have built trust by now a little bit, and i really dont know how many more ways i cant get him to understand and help work with me. It just seems that the one who didnt have the affair has to do all the work to feel better. But that cant be…
any and all suggestions are welcomed .
Just to add i am not the type to check phone , computer, etc…. i do ask to see his phone when a bad gut instinct and usually i see something to one of the ladies that he is consoling or being a shoulder on. That he never ever mentions.
Hello Wendy:
Are you sure your husband wants you to keep his affair on the low down because of guilt? Or, is it image control for HIM? The two could be tied together, but his discouragement around you getting the help you need sounds self serving to me.
As Andy suggested, you do you, and if you need to reach out to your friends and family for support DO IT. Maybe a few select members of your tribe who will support you without telling you what THEY think you should do? Cause ultimately it is up to you, not them. OR HIM. The support of people who care about you could make a big difference to your well being right now. Good for you for finding your own therapist! I hope the therapist recognizes that infidelity is emotional abuse. That was key for me. Best wishes!