After 3,500 miles, mountain storms, a surprise bear encounter, and only three hot showers in sixteen days, we came home with a lot more than great memories. As often happens, the trip reminded us that the lessons we learn on the trail aren’t all that different from the ones we learn while recovering from infidelity.
By Doug
A few weeks ago Linda and I pointed our little Intech Pursue west and headed toward Colorado and New Mexico.
Sixteen days and more than 3,500 miles.
Every night spent camping, whether in a beautiful mountain campground or, on a couple of occasions, in the glamorous accommodations of a Cracker Barrel parking lot in sweltering heat.
Would we do it again?
In a heartbeat.
Like every trip we take, there were moments that were incredible, moments that were uncomfortable, and moments that reminded us just how little control we actually have.
As I thought about everything on the drive home, it struck me that recovery after infidelity isn’t all that different. So, as I usually do, I thought I’d share a few highlights from our trip and some of the parallels I couldn’t help but see with the recovery journey.
You Can Prepare, But You Can’t Control Everything
One of our favorite places on earth is the San Juan Mountains around Silverton, Colorado.
This year we camped at over 10,500 feet and used our campsite as a base camp for day hikes throughout the area.
The scenery was absolutely beautiful. Jagged peaks. Alpine lakes. Wildflowers everywhere. Cool temperatures that stayed mostly in the 70s during the day and dipped into the 40s at night.
It was perfect.
Well…almost.
Linda struggled quite a bit with the altitude. I felt it too for about a day before my body finally adjusted.
Kind of how recovery works…
Two people can walk through exactly the same experience and respond very differently. One person may adapt fairly quickly. The other may struggle much longer. That doesn’t mean either person is doing recovery wrong. Sometimes our emotional “altitude” just affects us differently.
We Don’t Always Get Sunshine
Almost every afternoon it rained. Sometimes it poured. But we hiked anyway.
Sure, bluebird skies make for prettier pictures, but the rain never made the mountains any less beautiful. If anything, it added a little drama. Streams became more powerful. The clouds rolling through the peaks created scenes we’d never have seen on a perfect day.
Recovery is a lot like that.
Most people hope healing means life gets easier every week. But usually it doesn’t.
There are setbacks. Bad days. Triggers that seem to come out of nowhere. Conversations that don’t go well. Progress followed by discouragement.
That doesn’t mean you’re headed in the wrong direction.
Sometimes you’re simply hiking through today’s rain.
We Almost Learned a Lesson the Hard Way
While hiking the Perimeter Trail in Ouray, we rounded a corner a little past the via ferrata (which we will never do, btw!) and suddenly found ourselves staring at a good-sized black bear about fifty feet ahead.
The bear froze. We froze.
Then I remembered enough to make myself look bigger, threw my arms into the air, yelled as loudly as I could…
…and thankfully the bear decided he had better things to do.
As we stood there catching our breath and cleaning out our underwear, one thought hit both of us.
Bear spray. Still sitting in the car.
Of all the hikes to leave it behind…
Recovery has its version of bear spray too.
Boundaries. Transparency. Support. Good communication.
Those things may seem unnecessary when everything feels calm. But it’s usually the day you leave them behind that you wish you had brought them with you.
Nature Doesn’t Care About Your Plans
The day after we drove the Million Dollar Highway, heavy monsoon rains triggered mudslides and rockslides throughout the area. Parts of the highway were temporarily closed, along with several backcountry roads and off-road trails. From what we heard, some people out exploring in their Jeeps and OHVs ended up stranded until conditions improved.
At the same time, several forest fires were burning in the region, so we found ourselves checking the Watch Duty app every day to make sure our campsite and travel plans weren’t about to be affected. Thankfully, none of the fires threatened us directly, but they were a constant reminder that conditions in the mountains can change in a hurry.
It’s funny how quickly our carefully planned itineraries can disappear.
Marriage recovery has a way of doing that too.
You finally think things are settling down, then something unexpected happens. A new trigger. A memory. An anniversary. A chance encounter. A difficult conversation.
Sometimes life simply hands you a detour. But the goal isn’t avoiding every obstacle. It’s learning how to adjust without giving up.
One of My Favorite Parts Wasn’t Even on the Itinerary
One thing happened on this trip that neither of us has ever experienced before.
We met a couple who are mentoring clients.
As it turned out, they lived almost directly along our route through Colorado. Since we were in a bit of a hurry, we arranged to meet at a gas station on the highway – of all places. We wound up talking for over an hour or more.
It was one of those moments that reminded us why we’ve been doing this work for so many years.
Most of our conversations happen over the phone. So we hear voices and we imagine what our clients look like. (And I bet most clients do the same in reverse!)
So, actually standing face-to-face with someone we’ve come to know felt…different. Special.
It reminded us that behind every email, every mentoring call, every comment on the blog is a real person trying to build a better life.
That’s something we never want to lose sight of.
Old Friends…and New Ones
Another unexpected highlight came near the end of the trip.
We met up with my freshman-year college roommate, someone I hadn’t seen or talked with in roughly forty-six years. Yikes!
You always wonder if conversations like that will be awkward. Instead, we picked up almost where we left off. We spent a wonderful afternoon with him and his wife before heading to Red Rocks that evening.
Speaking of Red Rocks…
Seeing a concert there had been on our bucket list for years. And Red Rocks – and Tedeschi Trucks – lived up to every expectation.
Some experiences are worth waiting for.
We also made several new friends along the way, something that seems to happen every time we travel. We swapped stories, laughed around campgrounds, tailgated with strangers at Red Rocks, traded phone numbers, and left with a few more people we’d be happy to see again someday.
That’s one of the gifts of slowing down. People become part of the journey.
The Little Things Become the Big Things
Somewhere along the way we realized we’d taken exactly three hot showers during the entire sixteen-day trip. Yep, you read that right. Three.
The rest of the time we relied on our camping shower kit…which meant cold water, military style showers.
Not exactly luxurious.
Yet by the end of the trip, a hot shower in a campground in Colorado felt like a five-star resort. It’s funny how quickly your perspective changes.
The same thing often happens in recovery.
After betrayal, many people find themselves appreciating ordinary moments they once overlooked. A peaceful evening. A genuine conversation. Holding hands again. Laughing together without forcing it.
Sometimes healing teaches us to value what we used to take for granted.
Home Is Good…But So Is the Road
We loved Colorado. We loved New Mexico.
Santa Fe surprised us. Taos was a different vibe, but a good one.
Red River was exactly the kind of mountain town we enjoy (though maybe a little touristy).
Overall, the food was outstanding and the local breweries weren’t bad either. But eventually it was time to point the truck east and head home. That’s how every good adventure ends. You come back a little more tired, a little dirtier, maybe with a few sore muscles…and hopefully with a little more perspective than when you left.
As I think about this trip, I realize that’s exactly what recovery often looks like too.
It probably won’t follow the route you expected. There will almost certainly be storms. And you may encounter a few bears you weren’t planning on meeting.
There will be days when you’re convinced you should have packed differently.
But if you keep putting one foot in front of the other, stay flexible when the trail changes, and remember why you started the journey in the first place, you’ll often discover that the road itself changes you in ways you never anticipated.
Thanks for following along with our adventures.
Now that we’re home, it’s time to unpack the trailer, do an embarrassing amount of laundry, and get back to our passion…walking alongside people who are finding their way through some pretty rugged terrain of their own.
We’re glad you’re here!
1 Response to "Sometimes You Just Need to Head for the Mountains"
Having just gotten home after three months “on the road” with my wife which included an intensive in the Colorado mountains, I relate wholeheartedly with your words. Thank you for sharing.