I thought it would be helpful to show you a brief video of what renowned relationship therapist, Dr. Sheri Meyers considers as signs of an emotional affair. Enjoy:
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7 replies to "Signs of An Emotional Affair Part Two"
Great video to post. An emotional affair is just like a sexual affair without the sex. It’s just that …
If you can’t tell your wife (or husband) what you are feeling, thinking, or doing then you are having an affair.
You know if you are doing something wrong, you have a certain excitement going on inside of you.
I like what she says what she says about the difference between a platonic relationship and an emotional affair – a platonic friendship is completely open and there’s no hiding.
Emotional affairs are so sticky but so real. Thank you for bringing this to the open. I have been following you for a long time… (under a different name) 🙂 Look how far I have come! Thanks for the insight all this time….
Wow! This was eye-opening for me! My husband of 16 years started a relationship with a co-worker about 2 months ago. He told me about it right away. He said he was not sexually attracted to her, but gave me all of the “she listens, offers advice-type, we have SO much in common comments”. While I still have a problem with this (and we are working on our relationship) he discovered (as the video says) that things we heading into “crossing the line” type place. This was after several weeks of us arguing and him spending a ton of time texting with her. He (I believe) is also dealing with a mid-life crisis.
They both had a discussion and they only want to be platonic friends. He scaled back communicating with her. No more texting on the weekends or at night. Only communicating at work. I still didn’t like it. I felt like it was still taking away from our relationship. She seemed very “needy”, which he likes.
The other night she texted at 11:00pm at night. Said she “needed him now”. Her SO was very angry with her because she was texting my husband. Husband tells me that she needs to talk to him. Her SO is threatening to leave and take their son with him. I am upset. It’s very late and we were going to bed. I throw his pillow out in the living room. He’s mad about that. Tells her. She says she’s sorry and didn’t mean to get him in trouble and “what’s the big deal? we’re just friends.” Husband says “It’s ok. Wife is a very possessive person.” (I was VERY hurt by this.) He continues to talk to her for a little while. I am fuming in the bedroom. Finally, I come in and somewhat calmly state it’s time for him to make a choice. He can either continue this relationship with her or stay married to me. First time I really put my foot down because when it first started, he was wanting to leave – not for her – just to be by himself. Tired of the responsibilities of life. (Mid-life crisis) He says he understands and wouldn’t like it if I was out there talking to another man. He still tells me that he is just friends with her and was trying to help. I’m still upset, but we go to bed.
Next day I send him some articles about how to know if a relationship has gone too far – this time from a male’s point of view. He reads them. He comes home in a super bad mood and says, “Well, we decided we can’t talk anymore.” I say, “Why?” And he says, “Because it was hurting my marriage relationship.” When I probe a little more it sounded as though she decided to stop talking to him. I feel like he is upset by this and he once again says I don’t want him to have any friends. This is totally false and I say have as many friends as you want – just not ones that interfere in our relationship.
I cry the entire night and his anger subsides. He comes in to comfort me. We talk. He says he still thinks I’m possessive and controlling. I say I’m not and that he’s free to do whatever he wants, but that I am also free to not be treated like “second choice”. He was giving her all of the attention that I needed. I also said that he would never drop everything he is doing for me, like he did for her. He said that I don’t “need” him.
We end up making up (we’ve been in the hysterical sex phase since this started which is actually going great! Best sex of our entire lives!). I say I understand he has emotional needs, which I am working on. But, that I have emotional needs too. He agrees.
Next day, I’m flirt-texting with him. He’s responding.) We had previously talked about paying more attention to each other.) He comes home in a great mood. We talk and laugh with each other. I have no idea if he talked to the OW that day (previously when he did talk to her he would come home in a good mood). I’m not going to worry about it. If he does that’s his choice. I’m going to be concentrating on myself and being the best wife, friend and mother I can be.
We still have a lot of things to work on and I’d really like him to get some counseling for his mid-life crisis issues (feeling like everything he’s done has been failure, living in the past, thinking his life is half over and if he doesn’t make some changes now it will be too late). But, I’ll let him figure that out for himself.
That’s my story! This site has been very helpful! I started reading it 2 months ago when this all started. Thank you!
Oh, I also sent him this quote:
“”True friends will hold sacred the vows made between a man and his wife. They will respect the decisions made and act accordingly. If people are not capable of such respectful behavior, they were never friends in the first place.”
In case anyone is interested in the articles I mentioned:
http://www.marriagemissions.com/keep-your-opposite-sex-friendship-at-work-from-going-too-far/
I really think he took it to heart…or so it was my hope.