dealing with abusive relationshipsUnless you’ve been living under a rock for the last couple of weeks (or live outside the US), by now you’re probably more than aware of the whole Ray Rice situation.

I won’t rehash the whole story for those who may not be in the know, but here’s a link you can go to if you need to know more.  However, here’s a real quick synopsis…

Baltimore Ravens football star Ray Rice punched his then fiancé (now wife) in an elevator and knocked her out back in February. This was all caught on video and a few months ago he was given a ridiculous suspension of only 2 games by the NFL. More recently, another video was released that shows the entire incident in the elevator where Rice punches his fiancé twice quite viciously. This created a tremendous shit-storm and culminated in Rice receiving an indefinite suspension from the league and the termination of his contract by the Ravens.

Now, I’m not going to get into the whole debate about what the NFL did or didn’t know, why the suspension was so weak to begin with or how hypocritical the Ravens and the NFL seem to be. The wonderful media in this country is doing a fine job of doing that on an hourly basis (geesh).

However, what I did want to bring attention to is the whole dealing with abusive relationships thing. What Ray Rice did is abuse. Plain and simple.

This is a huge problem in our world today and I’m sure that there are a fair number of our readers who are either emotionally or physically abused by their spouses or partners. Therefore, we wanted to do our relatively small part by providing some helpful resources.

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The other day, I was watching Good Morning America as always and they had Dr. Phil and abuse survivor, Beverly Gooden on and they talked about domestic abuse and some things that the victim should and shouldn’t do. Here’s that clip.



As mentioned in the video, one of the huge issues in domestic violence/abuse situations is the inability or hesitancy for the person being abused to leave the relationship.

To those of us who have never experienced domestic violence it can seem incredibly unbelievable how a person who is being abused doesn’t just up and leave. Well, here’s an article where six domestic violence survivors explain why it’s isn’t that simple.

‘Why Didn’t You Just Leave?’


Additional Articles

These articles come from the When Georgia Smiled website:

Are You in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Common Excuses of Abusers and Their Victims

An Exit Action Plan: Guidelines for Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Stay Safe Action Plan


Smart Phone App

Here is a link to the ASPIRE App that is mentioned in the Good Morning America clip. 



More Resources/Websites

Finally, I wanted to provide some resources regarding this problem.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH)
Serves as the only center in the nation that provides information regarding 5000 local and nationwide shelters and service providers available for victims, friends and family who often call for life saving help. The Hotline operates 24 hours a day in over 150 languages with a TTY line available for the deaf.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

See also  Assertive Communication and How to Do It​

Joe Torre Safe At Home Foundation
The Joe Torre Safe At Home Foundation was founded in 2002 with the belief that home should be a sanctuary, a safe harbor from any storm. They are committed to developing educational programs that will end the cycle of domestic violence and save lives.

Safe at Work Coalition
The Safe At Work Web site is designed to assist employers in addressing the issue of domestic violence. It has been organized to make available information about training curricula and model domestic violence workplace policies, address legal issues, provide domestic violence statistics and resources for employers and employees as well as offer referrals to necessary social service providers.

The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence
The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence is committed to prevention of partner violence through workplace education and awareness. Their site includes information on best practices, statistics, new programs, and highlights from their quarterly newsletter.

Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs
Domestic Abuse Interventions Programs from Duluth, MN creates innovative community-wide interventions to end violence against women and help men who batter change. DAIP also created the Power and Control Wheel used by many organizations to describe the types of abuse victims may encounter.

Department of Justice: Office on Violence Against Women
Selected speeches and articles, resource listings, federal legislation and regulations, a domestic violence awareness manual for federal employees, grant programs and ongoing research.

Feminist Majority Foundation
* Phone numbers and addresses for organizations in every state and for several national organizations dealing with domestic violence, rape and sexual assault, sexual harassment.
* Resources on topics including feminist careers, domestic violence, sexual harassment, sexual assault, and women’s health as well.

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Family Advocacy Online
Information, resources and prevention tips for fighting spousal abuse from the US Army Family Advocacy Program.

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV) was founded in 1993 as a key component in a national network of domestic violence resources. The NRCDV provides support to all organizations and individuals working to end violence in the lives of victims and their children through technical assistance, training and information on response to and prevention of domestic violence.

National Network to End Domestic Violence
A social change organization, is dedicated to creating a social, political and economic environment in which violence against women no longer exists.

Controlling Anger — Before it Controls You
Part of the American Psychological Association that works to help men understand and manage their anger and offers problem solving and communication skills.

Men Who are Abused

American Coalition for Fathers and Children promotes equal rights for all parties affected by divorce, and the breakup of a family.

SAFE: Stop Abuse For Everyone
The site features information on books, essays and research as well as many resources on the web.

Men Can be Victims of Abuse Too 
Blog post with additional resources for men.


We welcome any additional thoughts, comments, opinions, experiences or resources that you’d like to add. Please do so in the comment section below. Thanks!


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