Rebuilding Trust After an Affair is Not a Quick Process

rebuilding trust after an affairPeople often ask me, “Linda, when you were going through this difficulty of rebuilding trust after an affair, how long did it take you?”  The answer is that it was a long time. It’s difficult to give you an idea of how long to expect. Six months out, twelve months out, eighteen months out?

In my experience, the first three months I was in emotional hell. I was trying to deal with all the emotions and the act of infidelity itself, plus trying to do everything I could to save our marriage. Trust at this point was just not something I could really even think about, much less consider.

After six months I was still trying to sort everything through and still trying to figure out if Doug was still lying or still in the affair. At twelve months, I started learning to trust myself. At some point after that, I got to the place where I could trust Doug again.

Obviously, your time frame could be shorter or longer.

It’s a two way street. Certain things have to be in place by both parties.  The cheater has to do things in order for you to start rebuilding trust after an affair. They have to be transparent. You have to communicate with them how you’re feeling. They have to understand how you’re feeling. All those things have to be in place before you can start trusting yourself and trusting your spouse. This takes time.

It depends on what kind of work you’re doing as a couple. If you’re not talking about it or communicating, then it will take a long time. If your spouse isn’t being transparent and still hiding things from you, then it takes a lot longer than I think people want it to – and expect it to.

At first I read books – tons of books. But I didn’t get to the chapters on trust in most of them. Trust always seemed to be at the end of the book. I was just trying to get through the beginning of how to deal with the  affair, what an emotional affair was and what it meant.

Trust was something I couldn’t… I wasn’t ready for, for some reason. I guess I should’ve read about it before, but survival was a higher priority than trust.

After an affair you’ve lost all that consistency and stability. Nothing is the same.  And you’re needing to find some, even if it’s not great stability.  Some stability is better than no stability.

Going through the mistrust is a painful thing, where if you find yourself feeling lost or feeling afloat or out to sea, those sensations are natural because the foundation on which your relationship has been built has been damaged and you are still searching for what you can hold on to.  Rebuilding trust after an affair does not happen fast.

For more information on how we were able to rebuild trust in our own relationship, check out our new book, “Journey to Trust:  Rebuilding Trust After an Affair”

 

 

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23 Responses to Rebuilding Trust After an Affair is Not a Quick Process

  1. So Sorry June 13, 2011 at 10:20 am #

    Hi Linda- I love your website-it offers very poignant and helpful points– I just read your last post,and as the CS,I do have a question. I hope this wont seem insensitive,because I do not mean for this question to be insulting in any way…..As far as getting back the trust,why does it seem to be so much more difficult after an affair than other forms of “nastiness” that can occur in a marriage? My H and I have had to deal with alcoholism,with gambling addiction, with money issues,with VERY explosive fights[furniture destroying,hand breaking on wall,kinda fights] Obviously we have sought couseling,because these issues are definitely a large part of why I “checked out” of the marriage temporarily. I am not looking for sympathy,just an honest answer to why the “cheating” betrayal seems to carry so much more weight. WE have been able to get past alot of the other issues in a relatively short period of time–and they are no little thing…..I would love for the BS’s to explain why an affair is something that is so much difficult to put ‘behind us”than other marriage betrayals Thanks

    • Doug June 13, 2011 at 12:03 pm #

      So Sorry, That is a very difficult question, and I am not sure I can give you a good answer. Even though Doug and I have experienced some of the issues in our marriage that included loss of security or lies we have not experienced some of the problems that you have.

      When a spouse goes outside of their marriage they betray everything that you believe about yourself, your relationship, your marriage. When they tell you that you are not “acceptable” or good enough to make them happy a spouse questions their ability to be loved or to love. It is like an atomic bomb has been set off in your life and you begin to question everything about your past, your love, your spouse. In essence everything that you trusted or believed in will never be the same.

      A person may choose to drink or gamble but in many ways it is not a direct reflection on you. It is more their problem. When a spouse made a choice to go outside of their marriage a BS feels responsible, not good enough, regrets everything they did in the past that created this mess. Should we feel that way? No, but many times that is how it happens.

      Before Doug’s affair I felt unloved, the way he treated me and talked to me hurt very much, however nothing will compare to the feeling of betrayal. His affair told me that he didn’t care about our commitment, our life or me. Our marriage and relationship was disposable and everything we had could be easily replaced.

      I know it is difficult for the cheater to understand the severe impact the affair created. I guess you need to look at it like your whole relationship with your spouse has been wiped away and you are trying to make meaning of everything again. It is a long, painful process, and often you don’t have the knowledge and strength to do it. linda

      • Paula June 14, 2011 at 4:18 am #

        Linda and SS

        Agree with Linda, I have trouble understanding this too. Having loved ones die, including my beloved mother, suddenly at 55, when I was a young mother of three small children, and a dear friend’s suicide, being raped at 20 (as a virgin) parental divorce, when they seemed so happy, failures and disappointments, all coped with really well, living a full and happy life. Moved on. Why not this? In my case, I think it was the double whammy of lover and friend both betraying me, and the fact that it happened under my nose, whilst I was condoning their friendship ( to them, myself and to others) and not knowing until it was over, feels so stupid. Also, contracting an STI when I’ve only slept with one guy, and am a stickler for the safe sex message, was devastating, felt SO dirty, and was SO angry at him for putting my health, and life at risk! Just completely wiped out, it feels like the wonderful first 20 years we had together were a lie, counted for nothing, all my sacrifice was in vain, oh poor me, lol!!! I didn’t check out, I stayed true and worked hard, following him down a road I wasn’t sure about, but I trusted him completely that he had made the right decisions for us. But I was doing the wrong things because I didn’t understand what was going on, because he stopped caring and sharing. We had shared a very special bond, and he had always had close friendships with females and I thought we were so lucky to not have any of the usual bullshit about jealousy, and now I have asked myself whether it was all lies, every one of them. I’m pretty sure it was all above board, and he’s so disappointed, because he totally understands that aspect of it, the doubt he has created about the past, he ruined my trust both then, and further into the past.

        The self-esteem issue is a very hard one for me. Not pretty emogh, not slim enough, not rich enough, etc, etc. She’s not that attractive, but very slim and athletic (I have a little “mummy tummy” but still in pretty good shape) and she is well-off. If he could be attracted to someone so “unattractive” how unattractive does that make me? Silly questions when said out loud, but real in your head. I also like the “lying, cheating, stealing” line from RCR, he lied and cheated and she tried to steal my life!

      • So Sorry June 14, 2011 at 8:30 am #

        Hi Linda- I have your read your post and Melvin,and RCR,and Paula’s- and you have all brought some VERY valid points.It seems that the main consensis is that an affair,rather than violence,or addiction or any other marriage betrayals,seems to bring self esteem issues along with it. I never thought about it that way. If your spouse drinks,you don’t directly connect that as “your fault”-whether they drink because of marriage issues,or what ever,its easy to distance yourself from that– an affair seems to make the BS blame themselves- and as Melvin stated,you add the shock value,and I guess you feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you—–makes sense——–I am sorry that many of you have felt such a loss of self worth.It’s funny how much we let other people determine our value.ie-if my H cheats,I must not be good enough.or pretty enough.or thin enough,or a good enough wife,etc….when its really the CS who is lacking. We have done something very selfish and stupid,and yet you feel de-valued,doesn’t seem fair…..

        • Paula June 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm #

          Yeah, SS, the silly thing is, I have never let other people be what I measure myself against, and didn’t feel my self worth was linked to anyone’s feelings about me, but this has made me feel like an insecure teenager again, the not pretty, popular, sporty, cool enough syndrome, RIDICULOUS, but you can’t seem to help it. No matter that I have forgiven him for reacting in a (predictable, immature, selfish, add your adjective here) way, to a stressful situation, by taking up with a caring and comforting ear, and some true “escapism” from the boring old grind at home, I still can’t free my thoughts about it, just manage to have the odd breather here and there, but am on constant alert, the fight or flight mechanism on full time now. All I can say is, it does improve, good old time, but I don’t think I’ll ever function the way I used to, so I’ve had to do a lot of personal growth to learn to accept that, and live “around” my insecurities and fears in a variety of ways. I also found the “time out” of separation was helpful for me to re-assess where I wanted to be, who I wanted to be, how I was going to manage the children financially (I was looking at going it completely lone, as I didn’t want a bar of his money, probably a bit over the top, but I needed to feel independent) and how I could achieve these things. I know I still love him as dearly as ever, and that he is truly remorseful for the agony he caused, to both of us. I haven’t got the ability to believe he will always be honest with me that I had before, no matter what he says, but that’s not the end of the world, I know he’s trying so hard, he would love to be able to just surgically remove that 15 months from our lives, why would he still be here after all we’ve been through, it would have been easier to go with her, or on his own, or just run away from the pain, but he’s stuck in here, even after I asked him to leave and never come back!

          As to the triggers for your H during intimacy, that rings a very loud bell with me. Our sex life has always been good, adventurous, intimate, sexy and loving, even during this affair. I felt so blessed, met the “right” guy straight off the bat!!! During his affair, he suffered erectile dysfunction with me on two occasions, and I was mildly concerned, but he just said, tired, older, it’s not you. He explained after D-Day that he had ED with her more than half the time!!! I was amazed, what, this hot, sexy, naughty affair, where they had to drive over 2 hours to see each other for, after texting, and building it all up, the anticipation, and you couldn’t get going?! So, as he says, it really wasn’t me! I asked him about this, and he says two things, firstly, guilt was getting the better of him, and secondly, she was boring and straight-laced, wouldn’t “help” get him going, even when he was having problems. No sexy lingerie, nothing. WHAT??!! That doesn’t stop me from getting anxious at times during lovemaking. I have to say, stop, I need a break, at times. The pictures in my head, even though he says it was rarely very “hot” are unbelievable. My triggers are certain manouvres, and even kissing can be a problem sometimes, that seems SO much more intimate than sex! Just time again, time and gentleness, change what you are doing, maybe change the place you are doing it, anything to break the horrid little porn movie that is playing in his head. I know a bit about what, where, how, and I can avoid some of those things when necessary, still can’t believe he would carry on if the sex was average, so there goes another “I don’t know whether to believe him” moment. However, the emotional high he was getting, and the ability to “check out” of his worries, was the main attraction, I believe, not the person herself. He sees this now, after the fog lifted!

          • So Sorry June 15, 2011 at 8:40 am #

            Paula- Thank you for your candor- I have read both your posts,and I wanted to say a couple things to you- First,yes it’s quite possible that the sex was only average. While I wont lie and say that the sex w/my OM was terrible-at its best it was never better than the intimacy I had and again have with my H—There was that spark of newness,but frankly I never had the same comfort level and connection that I had/have with my H- I think when you have a EA-that leads to a PA-you are searching more for a friend,a “calm in the storm”so to speak–It really isn’t about the sex-at least it wasn’t for me- in fact,I can honestly say that I never even meant for it to go there.[thats a whole other tale of woe]—I totally understand how our lies and betrayal during the affair can make you want to doubt all we say after D-day,think that its all been a lie- but if your H is truly remorseful-and it sound like he is-he’s most likely telling you the truth now-just as he was before that horrible 15 months—My H is most angry at himself because he said he saw the signs during my EA but didn’t act-he trusted me,he was in denial,,now he says he would NEVER wait to confront me if he suspected something or had concerns–I don’t try to see this as a bad thing-“oh no,he doesn’t trust me anymore”-instead I’m grateful to be on a “shorter leash”-it has made our communication better-I feel even closer to my H-and I want to ease his anxieties as best I can——-Third-don’t weigh your self worth against the OW- this is so important-my OM wasn’t anywhere near as attractive as my H-In fact if you saw the 2 you’d be like she cheated on HIM with THAT GUY???–It isnt about the looks-and once I REALLY got to know the OM,I realized that he wasn’t as good of a person as my H either—it’s so important that you know that you are every bit as attractive,kind,wonderful[insert positive adjective here] as your were before D-day. I know this must be hard,but its true–the affair didn’t happen because you were lacking- its because WE-the CS’s are lacking– I wish you much luck

            • Doug June 15, 2011 at 10:16 am #

              So Sorry, as I have said before I really appreciate your insight and honesty. You are able to articulate what our spouse’s can’t, maybe because they are male or they are afraid to say anything that could cause more pain. Your comments are helpful because you are at a point where you are seeing things based on reality rather than fantasy. So many of the cheater’s on this sight are still involved in their affairs and obviously are still wrapped up in the emotions of the affair. Thanks again. Linda

          • Paula June 15, 2011 at 8:55 pm #

            Thanks SS, I have worked to that point myself, I know it wasn’t about me, or my shortcomings, as I said, I’m perfectly logical and reasoned in my head, but you still get the old emotional waves of self-doubt from time to time. I do believe everything he says, but then I get the little voice going, “but you believed him before, and he was a cunning and resourceful liar – you’re being a fool again!” Not helpful, but I do cope so much better with “mind control” than I used to. I, too, really appreciate your posts, most of what you add here is stuff that I know, as I have been able to see things from “the other side”, but you articulate it so well, thanks 🙂

            Also, thanks Melvin, good point, men and women do think differently, and the visual vs emotional connection during/as a build up to sex is very valid. However, I have been told by two counsellors that I think much more like a man than a woman, and as such, my cues are very visual, but I definitely do need that emotional connection/intimacy to feel sexy, which I guess is why I waited so long to find “the right guy” in the first place. I think that SS concentrating on “turning her H’s brain on” is a good tool to have. Would like to add the obvious, in that it doesn’t always have to be about “the end” – the love and closeness achieved in other ways (good old cuddling, kissing etc) helps to mend the heart – and mind!

    • Melvin June 13, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

      SS,
      Why is an affair something that is so much difficult to put ‘behind us” than other marriage betrayals ?

      Because, throughout our many years together, this was the one issue between us that felt like we were at a precipice.

      Imagine knowing a person more than half your life, knowing she had a sorted past prior to you two meeting, but has not demonstrated any inkling of breaking her marriage vows of commitment to her spouse. Throughout that time of knowing each other, there were struggles, arguments, disrespect and even bad behavior. Not a lot but enough to strain any marriage. All of it was overcome with hard work, love and dedication. Both committed to each other with no straying ever.

      Then, out of the blue, she cheats with a former lover. Trust that was formed over a long period of time is broken. It’s the “Shock Value” of it. As Linda alluded to, everything that was up is now down. All other conflict/problems in the marriage now seem to pale by comparison.

      Top 5 reasons couples break up are :
      Infidelity or Betrayal
      Communication Problems
      Financial Problems
      Psychological, Emotional and Physical Abuse
      Loss of Interest

      None are pleasant. None are bigger than another. I do believe that, from a Shock Value point of view, Infidelity is by far the largest. The others tend to develop over time and cause less of a surprise. It’s that ambush to your trust system that makes the healing more harder, more painful, IMO.

      Best Always.

      • So Sorry June 14, 2011 at 9:08 am #

        Hi Melvin- our similarities continue-like your wife,I too had a “sordid past”—[probably a result of an abusive childhood]-I was with too many men,substituting sex for emotional bonding- and frankly,never thought I would get married until I met my H- I was older [32]-when I got married,and I never hid my past from my H-he was ok with it”the past is the past”-he would say-although he has only been with a handful of women,and has never been unfaithful—–my affair,was also somewhat “out of the blue”- although we look back and all the warning signs were there. We have been trying to get through this with the same strength and resolve that has allowed us to get through our other issues. I don’t know if my past did play a role in my affair,but when things got really tough–I reverted back to my pre-marriage behavior. If I wanted out of a relationship,I would just find another man. I would like to think that my head injury played a large part too, because I had never thought about cheating on my H before that,and can’t imagine that I ever would again—- I am writing to you to ask you a few things– I hope you wont find them too personal—but our situations seem to be very similar,and I need a mans advice— Unlike some of the other BS’s whose posts I read on here,my H seems to have the most issues w/my affair[or triggers}when we are being intimate.It affects his performance[you get the idea]—I ask him what’s wrong and he tells me that he is “having bad thoughts”-I try to be reassuring,I tell him its ok, and I try to tell him how much I enjoy OUR intimacy–Obviously-he hates the idea that I was with someone else–[this is where I think men and women BS’s can differ a bit–women seem to suffer more emotionally,self esteem,self-worth–men,at least my H-have more of a “someone else touched my woman” reaction] I am sorry if I over-simplified that- I Don’t mean to sound so “cavemanish”-or suggest that my H hasn’t been hurt emotionally at all-or that woman can’t feel creeped out that their spouse was intimate w/someone else. But MY H,seems to be affected the most with triggers in the bedroom— If you’d feel comfortable sharing I’d like to know if you’ve had similar issues-if there’s anything I can do to make him feel better-or is it better to stay quiet and allow my H to find his own happy place—– Thanks

        • Melvin June 14, 2011 at 11:36 pm #

          Hello SS,

          I’ll try to help, best I can. Our situations are very similar; however, there is one exception. DW was only involved in an EA, never a PA (although they were heading in that direction). This is a key difference, as I would probably also have performance issues like your DH seems to (due to bad thoughts). Early in our relationship, I recall a night whereby DW broke down crying about her past. She told me she felt like she was giving me “damaged goods”. I, like your DH, did not have many relationships before DW. I can see how your H would have intimacy issues after a PA – I would definitely feel the same. I do also agree and understand the “women suffer more emotionally” and men suffer from the “he possessed my woman” syndrome. To answer your question about my triggers/problems in the bedroom, I will relate the following. DW has always told me that for her to be “in the mood”, she would have to have her brain turned on (emotional stimulation). I never really understood that. For me, turn-ons had to have a visual component. I have come to find out that most men are wired this way in that visual stimulation causes arousal. You might want to try a visual approach if you haven’t already. Anyway, I really only had performance issues in the first few months right after D-Day, and most of it was due to the fact that DW was still in the fog. I really did not know how she felt about the other man and if she wanted him instead. Getting back to DW’s comment about her brain needing motivation, I started thinking about it and I find that I too sometimes need to have my “head in the game” to be a good performer. Maybe try getting his brain stimulated well prior to the act will help ease the bedroom tension. Also, if he has had bedroom problems prior to D-Day, he might want to get checked for low testosterone levels. Finally, if your bedroom is a place of performance issues, you can try other places (as appropriate as you wish). Hotels in our area offer cheap overnight weekend rates; might be a good idea to change up the scenery.

          Not sure if this helps or not. Would love to hear what you think.

          Best Always

    • Roller coaster rider June 13, 2011 at 4:00 pm #

      SS, I have thought a lot about your question since posting earlier today, and I have to say that it is the whole idea of there being someone else, someone better, more desirable and especially the lying cheating stealing thing…

      Not that other marital problems don’t hurt. It’s just that feeling like you have been replaced in your loved one’s heart and there was so little value or respect for you that your spouse didn’t even give you the chance to do something or work on anything. I don’t know.

  2. Roller coaster rider June 13, 2011 at 12:05 pm #

    SS, I know what you mean and I do agree with what Linda said, that every couple and maybe every situation is different. It’s a really good question, and one I can relate to. I guess I’m ready today to share a little more of my story and some of it does relate to the loss and regaining of trust. My H and I have been a couple since a few weeks after my fifteenth birthday. We are both from quite dysfunctional homes ourselves. We have been physically intimate since I was 16, and married 4 years later, but emotional intimacy is something we’ve always been missing. We have both been unfaithful more than once in our 35 year marriage despite our love for each other and our faith. There has been a long history of drug and alcohol abuse, emotional abuse in the form of H refusing to communicate with me and my eventual checking out and giving up (though never for very long), settling for emotional distance, not holding each other accountable or talking about feelings and needs. Both my affairs were primarily emotional, but I was never in love with the OM and knew it. I experienced huge amounts of guilt, and confessed the affairs. My H did not, although with the EA/PA that ended 3 months ago today he says he was trying to end it. I recently asked him if he thought this was a revenge affair (my unfaithfulness was first in 1980, and then in 1998) but he looked at me as if he honestly didn’t know what I was talking about! I really don’t think he ever thinks about them. I feel like Linda hit the nail on the head when she said that trusting herself had to come before she could trust Doug again. Maybe because we’ve been on the brink of separation or divorce many times before, and I understand now why I allowed myself to get too close to another person (I sure didn’t see it at the time), I realize that while this affair has been incredibly painful and devastating, I see it as being more about my H and he is doing many things differently now to regain my trust. Thanks for your thoughtful contributions.

    • So Sorry June 14, 2011 at 9:23 am #

      RCR- you should proud of yourself- you and your H have weathered some very difficult storms and have come out on top. A relationship of 35 years takes strength and perseverance. Instead of focusing on the failures,try to focus on all the successes,all the good times. I have only been with my H for 14 years-12 married-and I know all the things our relationship has been through-the challenges-the ups and downs–so I can only manage the work it takes to stay together 3x as long——–My Hs parents are still married,52 years,but they are miserable-it’s a real shame,they had a wonderful marriage and friendship for many years,but as they got older allowed the issues/problems to get in the way[taking care of sick parents,adopting a niece,alcohol addiction—-some of the stressors we all have in our relationships]I don’t think there has been infidelity,but my point is, that no matter what the stressors,we need to work on our relationships everyday.My in-laws are too stubborn to just sit down and work it through-they each see the other as the enemy—-I never want to get to that place–I love my H and while I understand it “ain’t always gonna be a bed of roses”-I’m in for the distance——-You should be proud of a 35 year relationship-and although you’ve been on the brink,you’ve stuck it out. Focus on the good things,work on the bad things,and I hope you make all the way……..

      • Roller coaster rider June 14, 2011 at 10:37 am #

        Thank you but although we’ve “stuck it out” since 1971 it doesn’t really seem like we’ve come out on top yet. Sometimes it seems like the road ahead is so daunting. But I really don’t want to end up like your in-laws, and the only way to avoid that is to keep pressing on, you know? Hang in there. The alternative is not better (I.e., giving up)

  3. roller coaster rider June 14, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

    Linda, do you ever have to forgive Doug again? I mean, telling the story of how he rejected you and acted as though you were at fault for causing him to stray in his affections, does that make you revisit the feelings and just get overwhelmed with emotion and then have to forgive him although you already have done so in the past?

    • Doug June 15, 2011 at 10:10 am #

      roller coaster rider, yes I have found that forgiveness is a process. For me I couldn’t forgive everything at once. I began by working on the things that were less painful, then I battled the more difficult ones. In an affair there are so many betrayals, lies, actions, words that I found it impossible to come to terms with all of them at one time. I can tell by my comment that this is something we need to discuss and we need to work through. I have learned when I bury these feelings I will feel pain and resentment down the road. There is no time limit on forgiveness or a guidebook. I try to listen to my feelings and my pain and go from there. Linda

  4. D June 21, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

    I agree. Trust and forgiveness do not follow any timelines. Like you Linda, I am working on forgiving little things day by day. There are so many issues that we need to meet head on, yet I am tackling the one’s that we can handle right now. I still feel like I am getting my life back in order then the next day I am back to square one.
    Tonight, a friend on mine mentioned that my husband is acting different lately. Or as she said, “Kind of like he did when he was being unfaithful….distant, cold, etc. ” Then all of a suddent I start thinking that I have missed these cues and maybe he is doing it again. I have not noticed this behavior directed to me. However because of where I am with trust, I worried again. Will it ever end?

  5. M girl June 22, 2011 at 12:40 am #

    Hi, I notice that generally, the OP in your situations is always the outgoing, vibrant and confident sort. But in my case, my H-to-be says she is the most kind-hearted person he knows, and the other qualities that he states seem to pain a sort of virgin mary sort of person, you know, who will never hurt any one, loves children, loves animals, and never pressurises him to do anything, never forces any idea through, and a complete opposite of the outgoing and vibrant personality.

    This hurts me because I see myself as more outgoing and confident. And the fact that he likes the OP for these qualities make me question whether they are more compatible? Does this run against the trend of OPs and maybe, is it possible that she is not the typical OP? She really IS special to him and unqiue and not the manipulative sort at all?

    • roller coaster rider June 22, 2011 at 9:43 am #

      M girl, this outgoing, vibrant and confident sort wasn’t the OP in our situation; in fact I think my husband was actually attracted by her neediness. No matter what the OP is like, it really isn’t about them but about the needs the CS is trying to have met in an illicit and ultimately, unreal way. Our marriages need help, obviously, but it really didn’t happen because we were lacking (and doesn’t it hurt that it always seems if WE were somehow different, they wouldn’t have strayed?)

  6. M girl June 22, 2011 at 10:51 am #

    Thanks for your comments rollercoaster ride- on one hand I am glad that he feels comfortable with me to be honest with me about his feelings for her. But his comments like ‘would it help if I met her (and found out for myself what a wonderful person she is) ‘ really drives a dagger into me.

    I know that it’s more about them and less about me, but being compared and ultimately weighed against someone he’s only known months compared to our years, is tough to swallow and tolerate.

    • roller coaster rider June 22, 2011 at 11:01 am #

      He is a fool if he thinks she’s such a saint. If she was, would she really be involved with someone else’s husband? And I know that has to be one of the most painful things to hear, that she’s so great…
      If I were you, I would probably tell him, well, just go enjoy your life with Ms. Perfect!

  7. karen July 7, 2011 at 11:00 am #

    Just got done watching the Casey Anthony sentencing – wanted to say one thing that I learned from this trial. The jury (according to juror 14 who is talking) did not believe one thing Casey’s dad said on the stand and totally bought the defense assertion, with no hard evidence, that Casey’s dad was involved in the death of Cailee. Why? Because he got on the stand and, according to the jury, lied about his marital affair on the stand. They believed the alleged mistress to at least some degree and based on that perceived lie from him about the affair discounted all his otherwise seemingly credible testimony that was partially supported by hard evidence. Hmmmm. . . . . kind of explains some of the continuing trust issues I’m having with my CS. Affairs involve lying, and the consequences for lying about a marital affair, if this trial is any measure, have long-lasting and perhaps infinite impact on many people’s lives. Is/was that affair really worth the forfeiture of your integrity????

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