It’s time to discuss what’s going on and share your struggles – and your successes.

By Linda & Doug

It’s been a few months since our last Open Mic.  So, let’s do it!

In case you didn’t know, or are new to our site, the Open Mic discussion is where you guys call the shots and discuss the topics that you want to discuss.

We know there must be some things that are going on that you can either ask questions about, share your experiences – or maybe just do a little venting.  (Let’s please leave politics alone though!)

We appreciate it as it not only helps to share and get the input from others, but it also helps us with possible issues to address in future posts.  Thanks!

With that said, the floor is all yours!

Feel free to discuss anything…

  • What’s on your mind?
  • What are you struggling with?
  • Have any success stories to share? Big or small. (We especially want to hear some of these!)
  • How about an update on how life in a Pandemic has affected your life and your relationship.
  • Wanna share any lessons you’ve learned recently?
  • Got a question? Ask it.
  • Do you have any problems or situations that you’d like the community to offer their opinions on?
  • Any good books you’d like to discuss?
  • What’s your favorite movie of all time?
  • What are you and/or your spouse doing to further the healing and recovery in your relationship?
  • What’s working or not working?
  • Has your therapist given you any good advice or exercises that the rest of the readers might benefit from?
  • What has your spouse done lately that really pisses you off?
  • What has your spouse done lately to make you really happy?
  • Tell us a little about yourself.
  • Everything and anything is on the table for discussion!

Please don’t be shy. If there is anything whatsoever on your mind, please leave a comment below.  And please reply to each other in the comments, as each person leaving a comment is not an isolated incident.

Thanks!

Linda & Doug

 

    17 replies to "Open ‘Mic’ #42 – What’s Going On?"

    • Lori

      I’m the wayward spouse, I want to heal the marriage in any way possible, but my spouse doesn’t seem as interested. There has been alot of name calling towards me, alot of disrespect towards me, and alot of everything else imaginable faced towards me, in front of anyone at anytime, including our kids. Once I finally told the entire truth, it seems to only get worse. My affair was a month and a half long physically, then when I stopped seeing him the communication continued for three and a half more months. When I finally said enough and stopped all contact, I thought that my husband was in it for the long haul of recovering and healing and making this eventually be our dream come true again. One day it’s “we will make it, it’s just gonna take me time,” then it’s “I want divorce papers now,” then it’s I just wish you werent so weak, you never loved me, if you did you wouldn’t have been able to do what you did, ” etc. It has been 3 months since communication as stopped with the affair person, and I have no desire to ever speak to him or of him again, other then for healing purposes, and from the affair experience I never want to do it again. I know how royally I screwed up, how much pain I’ve caused, and that I never want to do or cause that again. I can say I know how it feels because, in this marriage I was the betrayed 5 years ago, and then again 4 years ago, while my husband was the wayward one. Is there any opinion on how I can get him to change his mind? I know 3 months is not alot of time to heal its just the Rollercoaster of the back and forth is getting really hard on my mental stability. Thanks

      • Shifting Impressions

        Lori
        That’s a lot to sort out. How did the two of you deal with your husband’s affairs? Did you get any help in the past?

        Have you figured out why you had an affair?? Is it possible your affair is linked to the fact that your husband betrayed you in the past? I think these are the type of difficult questions you need to be asking yourself.

        • Lori

          I never really got a chance to actually deal wit his cheating. I was never allowed to talk about it because it was just a one night stand type thing and I needed to just get past it, which was always his response when he did something wrong. It still bothers me that the first time he cheated on me after we were married, I didn’t find out about that until about 2 months ago, so it was kind of a smack in the face that he lied about that the entire time.
          We have never don’t counciling, I have always wanted to, especially after my affair. I feel that talking with professionals or even in starting the emotional affair journey would completely benefit us in every aspect. However, he will never go to counciling, I’ve begged for months always a no, and when I brought up this stuff from Linda and Doug, he got so mad that I was doing this, all I’m doing is trying to help him heal and understand what is all going on in my head.
          I am pretty sure I know why I had my affair, it’s not certain just yet, but I’m almost positive that I know the reasoning. I have talked with my husband and have mentioned, had the stepping stones not been placed in front of me, with the actions of both you and me as well as of the person who had tried to separate us and almost succeeded, I ultimately would’ve never had the affair. It was a choice I made on my own to follow those stepping stones so there is no blame on anyone but myself for the actual affair being allowed to happen, as I should’ve placed my own stones and followed my own path. His response everytime, stop blaming me for you wanting another man, this is all your fault, if I would’ve had an actual affair you would’ve left right away, if you would’ve just had a one night stand this would be so much different but no you had a relationship with someone else and you expect me to just what, say oh I love you I bought you these flowers blah blah, no never going to happen. This is all on you, and now you get to suffer the pain I’m suffering.
          I’m suffering in pain from my choice to allow the affair to happen, as well as the pain of knowing how much pain I’ve caused him, all the pain I’m still suffering from from his one night stands, and my fear of him just one day up and leaving. I don’t expect sunshine and rainbows, I know the Rollercoaster isn’t going to end anytime soon, I just wish it wasn’t such a Six Flags Great America height restricted ride, but more like a Disney world rollercoaster where it’s suspenseful but manageable.

          • Shifting Impressions

            Lori
            It’s a roller coaster ride that’s for sure. If I have learned anything it’s that I can’t make anyone else do anything. The only thing I have control over is my own response. My husband refused counseling as well. So I went for individual counseling. I encourage you to get some help in sorting things out for yourself.

            In my own situation, we didn’t really move forward until my husband showed true remorse and was able to listen to me share my pain with him. One of the things that helped carry us through was our commitment to NOT DO FURTHER DAMAGE. So behaviors, such as name calling and shaming each other in front of the kids etc. were simply not acceptable.

            We put aside one hour a week just to talk about the betrayal etc…..that was helpful. But in all honesty he often found ways to avoid that hour.

            I encourage you to get some help for you!! Take care.

    • NewNormalcy

      This is my first time posting. I wanted to share this as a warning to those who have been betrayed. My husband had an affair with his coworker for 2 years. We are working through it (though he still works with her so needless to say, it’s been difficult). It’s been a horrible year to say the least. I found out after Christmas last year (two days before New Year’s Eve).

      I had my yearly Pap smear a few weeks ago and didn’t think anything about it (I had already had my PCP do a STD panel earlier in the year). A few days ago I received a call from my GYN’s office. They informed me that my results came back atypical and were positive for HPV. I have been with my husband for a total of 17 years (married for 14). I have been monogamous in every way.

      I follow up in a few weeks for a colposcopy and biopsy to see if it could be precancerous. So not only have I been emotionally violated, but now physically as well. And now I have to explain to my GYN why a woman whose been in a relationship for 17 years is testing positive for this. Embarrassing!

      For those whose spouses have been unfaithful, get a HPV screening. And women, make sure you get your annual Pap smears and request a HPV test.

      If it wasn’t for our 2 young boys, I’d so be done!

    • Doug

      Someone sent us this over the weekend…It is from a book by Melody Beattie. We found it to be a powerful excerpt and thought you might appreciate it and consider it as part of your journey. The excerpt is called:

      Be Who You Are

      “In recovery, we’re learning a new behaviour. It’s called Be Who You Are.

      For some of us, this can be frightening. What would happen if we felt what
      we felt, said what we wanted, became firm about our beliefs, and valued
      what we needed? What would happen if we let go of our camouflage of
      adaptation? What would happen if we owned our power to be ourselves?

      Would people still like us? Would they go away? Would they become angry?

      There comes a time when we become willing and ready to take that risk. To
      continue growing, and living with ourselves, we realize we must liberate
      ourselves – regardless of the reaction of others.

      Before long, we begin to understand. Some people may go away, but the
      relationship would have ended anyway. Some people stay and love and
      respect us more for taking the risk of being who we are. We begin to
      achieve intimacy, and relationships that work.

      We discover that who we are has always been good enough. It is who we
      were intended to be.”

    • Deeper Thought

      Doug, the excerpt is indeed powerful. It’s just what I need to hear to be comfortable with who I currently am. I am working on myself and the marriage follows. It is exactly what I’m going through during recovery. Except, I don’t expect people to see who I’ve become, unless I show it. It’s all mostly emotions and opinions that I internally manage. It’s creating a debate inside my mind, whether I turn into a bitter, negative person who doubts that happiness can happen to couples I see on tv. I’m trying to understand why I despise diamond/jewelry commercials. I started to question the concept of romance in a marriage. Because the marriage I know now, is far from what it seems or what it’s supposed to be. It’s a marriage in recovery.

      It’s been 20 months since D-day of my H’s EA. We went through 2 counseling with 2 different counselors. Things are okay now. There are still ups and downs, lots of changes (mostly in me), also changed the dynamics in our marriage life but honestly I don’t know if it’s a better marriage compared to before his EA. It changed me for sure. The words “If you can’t change the situation, change your respond to it” have pushed me to be who I am today. I don’t know if I like it but it’s just what it is. It seems like I’ve become the cynical person who doubts that true love exists. I’ve always doubted soulmates, but nowadays I even doubt the meaning of love itself. I read many stories how wayward spouse use the line “love but not in love” as an excuse. Now I’m wondering, maybe I love but not in love with my H? Maybe I stay married because it’s convenient? It does not mean I want to retaliate and do what he did, it just pushes me harder to never ever be that kind of person. No matter how bad the situation is, I need to show that I am a person who betrays a trust.

      At least the battles are kept quiet inside me. I still manage to disguise myself as a cheerful person so that I don’t have to talk about the sensitive topic. Communications between my H and me need a lot of work, but many times, I’m too tired to try. I’ve changed a lot for myself, so I feel like I don’t have the energy to change his way of communicating certain stuff, even though it’s important. It’s never perfect, but it is what I have now. A marriage in recovery.

      • Shifting Impressions

        Deeper Thought
        Your comment really resonates with me. I understand what you mean about the battle inside your mind. I too am forever changed and have battled with not becoming “hard” as a result of his betrayal.

        This is a good place to share some of those struggles that haunt us deep inside. I think that many of the cheating spouses are unaware of how intense that battle within us is and if they are aware, simply can’t or won’t deal with the depth of pain they have caused.

    • Another One

      Christmas is coming and I’m dreading it.

      Last year Christmas was a couple of months after Dday, I was still in shock, not sleeping, not eating properly and extremely relieved that my marriage hadn’t ended. So I lived through it and it was ok.

      This year is very different. I’m a lot more aware and awake and dreading having to spend a lot of time with WH’s family of origin. They know about the affair and don’t care. The AP was the daughter of an old family friend so MIL was sympathetic and supportive towards her while completely ignoring me. The only piece of advice she felt the need to give H was to get over it and move on. After all this time H is finally beginning to see how much they’ve hurt me and how unbelievably unfair his acceptance of their terrible behaviour is. However I don’t think this will change anything. He’s incredibly spineless when it comes to his parents (his mother is an old pro at emotional blackmail). So I have a huge pretending-we’re-a-big-happy-family to (not) look forward to and here I am wishing we were still in lockdown.

      • Doug

        Hey Another one, thanks for commenting. The holidays are typically rough for many betrayed people at least for the first few years after D-day – and quite possibly beyond. Here’s a recording I did with psychotherapist David Feder that might be helpful: https://www.emotionalaffair.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/David-Feder_Holidays_final.mp3 And here’s a post with some holiday tips: https://www.emotionalaffair.org/surviving-holidays-infidelity/ Certainly dealing with an unsupportive family (and a spineless husband) can make things that more difficult. So I guess your husband will not stick up for you and set his family straight? Maybe it’s a good year to sit this one out and blame it on Covid! 😉

        • Another One

          Thanks, Doug. I’ll have a look/listen ASAP.

          I live in Australia, somewhere we haven’t had a COVID case in months. Can’t use it as an excuse though I would if I could.

    • Hard to believe

      I am a BH that is just shy of 5 months from Dday. She continued to be in contact with him for almost another month while the lies continued. We are both in individual therapy and couples therapy. This has absolutely been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. If it wasn’t for our two beautiful children (5 & 8) I would have left on Dday. Our marriage was good by both of our standards and we were very much in love ( so she says). The affair blindsided me. I never thought she was capable of such a selfish and cruel act. The pain has been unbearable at times but through this journey so far I have learned alot about myself and have made great progress in becoming the best version of myself. We are both comitted to giving 100% effort to try and make the marriage better. It is incredibly painful and hard work. I’m at a point now where I’m not sure if I am starting to trust her more or if I am indifferent toward what she is doing. She is doing the right things. She isn’t and hasn’t been perfect through the process so far but I read that looking for perfection is unrealistic. You have to see effort and progress. Some of my big hurdles are lowering my walls and being vulnerable and completely intimate with her. I am hoping that improves with the trust. One of the things that help me in the daily healing process is realizing that I am the one who is strong and desirable. My actions and words over our 9 year marriage have proven to her and the world that I am deserving of a committed and faithful wife. She has realized her poor choices and individual therapy has helped to identify the underlying issues that led to the affair. Also the fact that i can only control myself and my action and reactions to other people. I can still choose to walk away from the marriage any moment I choose. That is not my wish but if true healing cannot take place or i can no longer feel safe in the marriage than i will have no other option. I took alot of stress off of myself when i decided to stop analyzing every interaction under a microscope to use as a barometer of whether we would make it or not. She agreed to get help and i did too so i figured my love for her and our kids plus our shared history was worth waiting until May to start making any concrete decisions. Time will tell how we are doing. It is certainly a rollercoaster ride.

      To respond to Lori. I can only comment from my own personal experience. If you truly want any chance at Reconciliation you must be 100% honest. Answer any and all questions he may have even if you know the answer will hurt him/you. Doing this shows him a small bit of respect. Also be completely transparent with everything in your life for as long as he needs it. This will help him to feel more secure and slowly start to build trust. You need to take full responsibility for your affair. He has had affairs in the past and I certainly don’t condone that but you had other options available to you instead of cheating but you choose to cheat. Two wrongs do not make a right. Be accountable by doing what you say you will do and being where you say you will be. If you do all of this in the beginning stages of recovery and do not see any progress or softening of his heart then it might be time to start preparing yourself to exit the marriage.

      You should in no way tolerate abuse in any form. Emotional, physical or mental abuse is unacceptable. At the end of the day you are a flawed human being just like him. Nobody is perfect and nobody deserves to be abused. You must realize though that you have just ripped his heart from his chest and stomped it into the ground. He is incredibly hurt. That is where the anger comes from. He is in immense pain and is using the anger to mask the pain and hurt. The fact that he is in pain actually shows that he does still care for you. If he becomes indifferent that is when you should really start to worry.

      I am sorry you are going through this terrible moment in your life. As I mentioned above so am I. In life it is moments such as these that we can use to make ourselves better. Better for us, our partners, our kids or our future partners. The only person who decides this is you or me for ourselves. I hope this helps some good luck.

    • Fighting4love

      First post. I have received much comfort from reading the articles and especially the comments of survivors, either with or without their spouse. Thank you!!!
      A little over 4 months since original dday but only a couple weeks since last disclosure. After 23 years of military life where i followed him, supported him, and made our whole life about him and what he wanted and he decided to have an EA.

      Through the years I was not a priority because the military came first. I thought i was committing to the “mission” and could wait for the betterment of the country. That was foolish now i see but i wanted my family more than anything. I grew up without a real family and had been betrayed before meeting my H, where my ex left and married her. But i truly trusted my H now. I still feel the shock.

      Long story but he joined the military with nothing. Had 2 children from previous marriage and his mother was raising them because ex is a true mental case. I had 2 children from precious marriage. We married, moved to Germany and he immediately left for mission for 5 months. I only had my 2. When we moved to another duty station we started legal battle for his kids. Years i would drive 10 hours every other weekend to get his boys Years later we won The battle against my in-laws. It was ugly. I raised all 4 of our kids while he was in every sand box on the planet and went from lower enlisted to officer. We spent more time apart than together. All the time i am raising our children with no family support (my family puts the fun in disFUNtional and have never watched my children). I worked crappy jobs so i could hone with our kids and make sure they were raised properly and loved. I wasn’t perfect but i look at it now and damn I was a rockstar. They all had sports and activities ie football, wrestling, competitive gymnastics, band, acting, tennis, etc. They made good grades and helped other wives when their spouses were deployed by shoveling snow in Alaska to mowing grass to babysitting. It’s amazing that our 4 children are absolutely wonderful human beings and all of them joined the military too. Don’t get me wrong, my husband was a good husband and father. He tried to call everyday and check in. But 15-20 minutes a day doesn’t help much with 3 teenage boys, all within one year of each other, in HS and girls, hormones, learning to drive, future plans etc. He was always a visitor in our home and because we moved without him many times, he didn’t even know where the plates and silverware were.

      Those years were hard. For all of us. I mention the details of the years because they contribute to my anger that i don’t know how to resolve. He was forced to retire because of downsizing. This was very difficult for him and he was hurt because he thought he meant more to the military. He mentions it a couple times but life moved on. He searched for his next big thing. Went to police academy but discovered he was too old. We moved to another state to be close to our children and grandchildren. He discovered he could be officer there. Goes thru another academy. I’m still his biggest cheerleader and supporter. Life seems to always be about him and always him first. After second academy he joins a PD but he is such an ass and thinks he knows everything and all others are stupid. It’s a small town and i actually work there as an admin and grant writer. Everyone is stopping by and telling me all the ways he is being an ass and annoying the hell out of them. They are all passive and won’t say anything to him because he would get all butthurt, get loud and defend himself. I tried to help and talk to him about what everyone was telling me and offer to help him learn some things because i has been there for almost 2 years before he got there. This was a huge mistake apparently.

      Shortly after becoming police officer he starts online FB affair with an ex girlfriend from 28 years ago who had disappeared one day out of the blue and he never knew why. She suddenly became a perfect person and “knew” him and “understood” him. She was impressed with all his accomplishments. She was smart and seemed money savvy. She had dreams like him and liked the same songs. She was “always” happy and supportive. This was after just 2 months!!! He starts fantasizing about a life with her and near her. She of course is married also. She proclaims that she is leaving her husband. He looks for jobs, places to live, googles about dreams and astrology. Really stupid childish stuff. The more perfect she becomes the more awful i am. For about 2 years prior i had started to beg for time and attention because he wasn’t in the military anymore but i was met with a couple days of effort and then lost interest. I didn’t know he had become FB friends with her about a year into that. He accepted her friend request during the most difficult time of our life prior to this betrayal. My granddaughter was born with half a heart and only lived 18 days. He decided to start deceiving me during this. When I’m going to sit at the hospital to hold her hand and support my son and His wife and watch my grandson so they could have time with her. How can a man be so self absorbed?? I think i know the answer,, because i let him be that way, but my word!! Where is his conscience?

      He was making plans to leave me. He was wanting me to leave him so he wasn’t the bad guy so he kept pushing me away. I had been suspicious for a while because the phone was glued to him so i finally checked a work computer and there it all was hidden in messenger. Lasted for about 6 months. Honestly it was more his pursuit than hers. She toyed with him. She never had any intention of leaving her husband. She could never be satisfied with the amount of money my H makes. Her H is very well off and she has had every plastic surgery, lift, tuck, implant, injection you can think of. She was just bored And has no respect for marriage.

      He is doing the right things and has humbled more than I’ve ever seen but he gets annoyed if i need to talk about it because he feels like I’m punishing him. I have never once faltered in my desire to keep my family and remain married to my husband. It has taken months for me to get my act together. I haven’t been able to sleep, eat, or concentrate The world lost color. I am angry now. I’m not entirely sure how to process the anger. How could he plan to leave with a woman he doesn’t know and hasn’t done shit for him? He said he forgot about all the love and support i gave. How? How could he sit for years comparing me to another woman and her life on FB and become disappointed in me? Of course there was porn too. Does anyone else deal with porn?

      How do i let go of the anger? Right now I’m dealing with the demise of my father with Parkinson’s. He left our family for the secretary 35 yrs ago and completely destroyed my 4 siblings lives. He will die within a couple weeks. This is all a lot of betrayal to deal with again. I have lived my life and felt i had forgiven him but the stuff with my H has brought all those bad feelings to surface again.

      • Soul Mate

        greetings Fighting4love,

        Your story has touched me as your marriage background is very similar to mine. I and my husband of almost 30 years blended our family as well after he was forced out of the Army after the first Iraq war. His first wife had an affair while he was overseas in the war and left him for her AP. When he returned she wanted every material thing they had except their 2 kids and this is when I met him. I was almost 5 years out of my first marriage, a single Mom of 3. We met through a mutual friend, became friends ourselves and through a lot of persuasion from him and my eldest son, I relented and we started dating. And when I say we, I mean all of us. It was family date night all the time. The kids included as there was no other responsible parent in the picture. We married a year later and were a very close family. We’ve had many very happy years up until 5 years ago when my husband suffered many setbacks which is a long story.

        I find it very interesting that your husband after his release from service pursued a career in law enforcement. So did mine, although it was and still is in the federal government. I too, found myself giving all to support his endeavors. Never once second guessing his dreams of achievement and encouraged him every inch of the way. I did however have a full time career myself that closely related to his at times. He had an EA with a coworker that ended 3 years ago. I never would have expected him to behave in such a way as he upholds integrity and honor as one of the greatest of values. I was completely blind sided. He himself, (now) still does not understand why he did what he did, is ashamed and tells me he will be until the day he dies that he failed me and his family and himself with his actions. He calls them his darkest days of his life. I sometimes wonder if the military brings out a bit of narcissistic tendencies in these men as many of them who have moved up in ranks while in service pursue careers in law enforcement or high powered positions in government which require them to exert power over people and when they feel that they’ve lost it, “they lose it” or is it just a typical mid life crisis? It’s like we the wives know their weakness or we are not paying attention to them when they feel needy due to life circumstance like a illness or death in the family so they look for attention elsewhere to get that ego boost they crave all the time. Kind of like a child who acts out when they want to be seen or heard. Hopefully you and your H will work things out and in the end become closer and more understanding of each other. I can tell you from experience it will be a very bumpy road of extreme emotions. I still suffer with trust issues in regards to opening myself up to him completely. He is and never was the man I thought he was but he is the man that I love. And for now I choose to keep all of our loving memories, his kindness to me and my children in my heart and let his one weak and bad mistake go and forgive him. Hell I’m not even sure if I’ve completely opened myself up to myself yet and explored what “I” truly am because I’ve spent the last 30 years being what everyone else needed me to be at the time. Especially him. But I’m determined to find ME out. Maybe then after I know who I am, I will see him for who he truly is and love him completely. Even more. For now we are doing well, he is very attentive and trying like hell to help me heal and that is enough for both of us.
        Peace

    • theresa

      I just found this on another site. I’ve added it to my list of “gems”. It’s laying it out for the cheater and showing that it didn’t “just happen”

      https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/threads/some-did-not-get-the-memo.442212/

    • Makayla

      I just found out my husband of 7 years just had an affair that lasted for 5 months, but was abruptly ended because I caught them on a vacation together after asking him about this out of town trip and him lying. Since then, he’s broke off personal contact with her but he works with her and it gets tricky, if their affair gets out, they can both lose their jobs. I had previously asked him if he was unfaithful and he lied, now he says he only lied to protect me and to protect his job. He seems remorseful and has been doing the work to show he wants to reconcile but for me, I feel that if he didn’t get caught, they would still be together and he’s only choosing me because he’s afraid of losing everything. I need help. I don’t know what to do.

    • Regina

      The pain of all of you so familiar. I wish for the last two years I could talk with a betrayed wife that stayed in her marriage. Married 30 years. The beginning was ruff. He came from a messed up large family (long story) he was never home. Had so many woman to keep him company. I guess I can’t blame that… he was and still is a very attractive and charming man woman always went after him. We met he started to come after me. It was a beautiful experience for the both of us. Knowing his womanizing history I married him anyway. I knew he probably cheated in the beginning but I stayed.
      We had many struggles during our marriage. But I was there for him. I know he loved me though. He was always good to me. The last ten years I slowly started to push away from him because a lot of responsibility I had. The last year I pretty much shot him out. He would always tell me that I needed to be with him. He wanted me to always be with him but I didn’t want to. An old friend that always loved him and would have done anything for him back in the day reached out to him (I didn’t know).
      He took the opportunity and started an affair with her. She’s also married so he would call her and if she could she would call him back. Two times for sure (I feel like there was another time but he says no) they met. The first time he was gone four hours the second time he was with her for seven hours. That’s when I knew something was up. It all happened in one month. Supposedly he dropped her the day I found out. He told me he made a mistake she didn’t mean anything she was there he took the opportunity. he loves me but I pretty much left him. He’s been the best husband ever in these past two years. He can’t do anymore to show how much he cares and loves me but I can’t forget I can’t stop talking about it. He told me some stuff about them but I don’t know if it’s true or not. He swears up and down that he did not sleep with her that he will take a lie test to prove it. I can’t get them out of my mind. She was so in love with him back then and she told him. They had a past. I feel like 30 years with me it’s nothing for him. That he thinks of her. I’m going crazy. It’s a hourly thought for the past two years. He says in a way he’s happy that it happened because it woke me up and I’m with him again. And honestly if it didn’t happen I would probably be the same as before. How can I get this out of my head and enjoy the present. What if he loved that excitement and married life is boring to him ( he says that he’s not bored with me) I keep comparing my self to her. She’s probably thinking that he loves her that’s why he went back to her. I have so many thoughts I can keep going on.
      I did go to concealing one time, it’s not for me. But I just need to keep talking about it. My friends are tired of listening. They know him and know that he loves me to just stop looking back and enjoy today. But I can’t. I am broken.

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