Well we had a wonderful long weekend trip and had a great time together. We did however, come to the realization that we can’t quite party like rock stars as we once did, without feeling the effects for a few days after. The weekend did allow us to do some of the things we enjoy together and was a much needed escape from life’s realities and stresses. We were able to relax, have a few (too many) drinks, enjoy life and each other and leave the past, the pain, and all the other stuff at home.
While we were there, we had the opportunity to hook up with Linda’s brother and his “friend.” She turned out to be quite pleasant. She’s very friendly, nice, attractive and fun loving. But the whole situation seemed very odd and a bit uncomfortable—especially for Linda.
For me, it was odd to see her brother acting the way he was. He was always very reserved and somewhat quiet in the past, but this weekend he was very talkative, outgoing and in a party-like frame of mind. He and his friend were also very lovey-dovey and couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, which was also very strange and awkward to see. I’m sure that Linda was picturing me and Tanya in the same light and thus all sorts of thoughts were going through Linda’s head. Thankfully, that wasn’t something that ruined our good times.
The other thing that stuck out was that this woman had several similar personality traits as my brother-in-law’s current wife. Perhaps he sees these traits in his new friend as he saw them in his wife many years ago. To an extent, I had the same experience with Tanya. Looking back at things, I realized that the things that were exciting and new about Tanya, were actually similar to what attracted me to Linda in the first place. Interesting. It’s like re-living your past.
Her brother also seemed to be trying hard to impress upon us how great his friend was. Almost too hard in fact. I believe this is part of the rationalization phase that he is going through. He is justifying to us and to himself the reasons why he is doing what he is. I think he is also trying to garner some support from us at the same time. It will be interesting to see if he is still doing this a few months down the road, and how he approaches the introduction of his friend to his kids.
For me, I couldn’t help think that though he is having the time of his life presently, this feeling and the care free life style they are currently enjoying will eventually fade and he will find that she isn’t the perfect person he currently sees. Once the initial excitement and euphoria wear off he will find out that this new “love” is not his nirvana after all. He will regret that he has lost his wife and alienated his kids and has changed his life forever.
I really wanted to talk to him about what he is doing and to try and at least convince him to step back and really look at things objectively and to consider his actions with respect to how they are affecting his kids. Even though his kids are all in their twenties, this whole situation is tearing them apart.
The two love birds left a day before we did, so we were able to have a day completely to ourselves without having to pretend to want to hang out with them. The change in Linda was significant. The pressure was off of her, and the affair thoughts went away. We were then able to do what we wanted to do and be ourselves and rejoice in our experiences together.
**Linda will share her thoughts on this weekend in our next post.