I thought I would share my insight about our long weekend and how it affected me. This may sound strange or cruel, but honestly it really didn’t surprise me. The reason being that I knew this was exactly how it would be. There was no shock. It followed the same scenario that I had envisioned for my family if Doug had decided to end our marriage due to his emotional affair.
The very same reactions from my brother’s children, families and friends played out exactly the way they did in my head two-and-a-half years ago. The children were hurt, shocked and betrayed and could only hold onto the people they trusted – their siblings.
My parents have agonized over all of this, wondering where they went wrong and how they could have prevented it. They also fear that they have lost the close knit family that was established many years ago.
Everyone else involved is trying to be impartial yet supportive, though not fully understanding where their loyalties lie. All I can say is that it’s a terrible mess and it just leaves a terrible feeling in my heart and in the pit of my stomach.
I know that when Doug began his emotional affair he never thought about how it would have all played out. I am sure that when he told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore and there was someone else he didn’t think about the affects it could possibly have on his entire life.
This weekend was a testament to the fact that life will never be the same for anyone involved with infidelity and I am very skeptical that things will get any better. Believing that the grass is greener on the other side doesn’t take into account that all of the infidel’s relationships will never be the same. They may believe that they have found a better partner, however they also will have to rebuild virtually every other relationship in their life. Is it worth it?
For me it felt like a bond had been broken and that all the years Doug and I had spent together establishing closeness, trust and familiarity would never be there again. It felt like everything was off balance and I was afraid we would never be able to get it back.
I guess this weekend validated why I wouldn’t give up on our marriage. Why I lived through the betrayal and the hurt to come out on top. To work through this knowing that we both could love each other and have a good marriage.
Two years ago I knew what the implications of Doug’s emotional affair would be and I didn’t want it to take away everything that we both loved and cherished. I guess through my emotional distress I must have been thinking somewhat clearly because I was fully aware of the reality of the situation and knew that I needed to do everything I could to prevent it and save our marriage.
I only wish my brother and sister in law would have displayed the same perseverance, then maybe they would have been together on this special occasion rather than on opposite ends of the table.