We haven’t posted an audio recording in quite some time, and we thought it was a good time to change things up a bit and do so. Since rebuilding trust after infidelity is always a top struggle for people who have been betrayed by their spouse’s affair, we figured this would be a great audio for you to listen to.
Several months ago as we were putting the content together for our book, “Journey to Trust – Rebuilding Trust After an Affair,” we had the pleasure of speaking with Mona and Gary Shriver.
Gary and Mona are the authors of “Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity” and head a non-profit organization called Hope & Healing Ministries. Hope & Healing was formed in 1998 by 2 couples who were brought together through their mutual counselor to support one another in their adultery recovery. Gary & Mona are one of those couples.
We think it’s great to hear other perspectives on affair recovery and Gary and Mona’s journey is probably not much different from yours and our journeys. In the early days of their own affair recovery they too didn’t know if they could heal, nor did they have any idea on how to do it.
However, Gary and Mona have indeed been successful in recovering from infidelity in their own marriage and share in this audio their advice and experiences with rebuilding trust after infidelity. We had a wonderful discussion with them and we think that you will get a lot out of it.
This is also a good opportunity for those of you who are not members to get a taste of what is in the Higher Healing member area.
Please feel free to share your thoughts on this audio in the comment section below.
To listen to the audio, you can either click here to download it in MP3 format, or you can simply press the play button below and stream it directly from the blog. The audio is a little more than one hour and seven minutes in length.
Interview With Mona & Gary Shriver on Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity
[audio:http://emotionalaffairrecovery101.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Mona-and-Gary-Shriver-Hope-Healing-and-Trust.mp3]LINESPACE
4 replies to "Mona & Gary Shriver on Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity"
This is an excellent interview. My guess is that someone newer in the process may find it slightly less useful than someone much further along the healing process, but that said, it could be useful and hopeful to hear that healing is quite possible. I would simply warn newer journeyers to not feel bad if things are not yet working out. The interviewers are careful to stress the normal pitfalls and time it takes, but still… I know I would’ve felt like a loser that I wasn’t yet to the place this couple is. Now that I am closer to it, I find it helped congeal my own experience.
Anyway, good stuff, really great.
Just fiished listening. Some really good quotes in there:
*Forgiveness means giving up hope that we can have a better past.
*Its over when you both say its over
*Its not time that heals, its how you spend that time
*Acceptance…it always comes in hindsight ( accepting the reality that ‘it’ happened )
*my CS can HELP me thru the process of healing, but its my decision to heal
*Forgive and move on…will never work.
In the recording, CS Gary said that the CS will not be comfortable with being honest about future contact from the OP if ‘the CS does not feel safe with coming to the BS with this info.’ this seems like a cop out to me. It is up to the CS to face the music and bring the honesty back with them. Sure it may cause an emotional reaction. But the trust factor in retrospect, will be there for at least COMING back to the BS with this info…
A first time admittance to the truth to a question, is difficult, but is much ‘easier’ a pill to swallow than the truth which comes later, after the lie given as initial answer.
I kept in mind that this couple continues to survive the one spouses’s adultery, so i can personally relate to Mona’s pain. I hope to one day be where this couple is…but that still seems a far off distance.
I did provide my H a safe place to be honest, padded by and guided to that safe place by a seasoned counselor…and my H still continued to lie. So, once again, even with the safe place provided, the choice to lie or not lie, continue contact with or admitting to continued contact, is up to the CS (and their character.)
But another good quote comes to mind here: a person’s true character comes out when times are at their worst. As well as this one: A good reputation takes a lifetime to build, yet only minutes to destroy.
It seems it’s all about the choices…
I haven’t had a chance to listen to the interview yet, but just reading what ChangedForever writes makes me wonder if I will like it. I definitely don’t agree with a “safe” place to tell the truth. I expect the truth from here on out. The truth about the affair, the truth about any attempted contact, the truth about any other women coming on to him. I don’t CARE about his comfort. He gave up that right when he burned my world to the ground with his EA/PA. The only safety is coming clean with the truth IMMEDIATELY, because while I WILL be upset I won’t be half as mad if it comes out down the road.
I am tired of worrying about his feelings, when he spent over a year not giving a rat about mine and our kids’. Sorry folks, actions have consequences. Sometimes we do things in life we wish we hadn’t and suffering the consequences SUCK. But it is what it is. I have a young nephew who is bright and handsome and had all the opportunity in the world. But he fell in with the wrong crowd, made some bad decisions with drugs and now he soon faces some potential jail time. I can’t imagine the judge saying, now son….just be honest with me about what happened. This is a SAFE place to talk about it and if you are honest, everyone will go easier on you.
Okay, sorry to blather on especially when I haven’t even gotten to hear the interview. I am just having a rough time right now.
Just listening, still, I listened as I was on the treadmill, lol!
Pretty good stuff. Good points about what some counsellors think is right, which isn’t! Eg, when Mona was role-playing and asked the question, Which hotel? and the counsellor said, you don’t need to know. Of course you need to know, you need to know everything, to try to make sense of what was ging on, this is a great explanation of how this works. In my case, I thought we were fine, I had NO idea he was doing this, in fact, people had asked me the question, and I had laughed it off, BUT I did ask the question of him, and he also laughed it off, so I believed him. Knowing the TRUTH, is integral, as the “truth” I thought existed was wrong. The trust in yourself, not just the cheater is one of the worst aspects. Losing my naivety also resonated, because, in Mona’s words, I also KNEW he wouldn’t cheat, and I also KNEW he couldn’t lie, and I was also SO perceptive, I would KNOW if he was cheating. Hell yeah!!! That was me, too. The idiot factor is much under estimated.
Thanks for this, it is long, but if you have some chores to do, pop it on, listen to it, in pieces, if necessary. I’m sure you will not necessarily agree with totally everything, but I thought it was mostly important and real. I also agree that it is something that will resonate with those who are further down this path, however, newer members will find jewels that will help them to feel “normal.”