I was in my car the other day listening to talk radio and there was a marital infidelity counselor on who was taking calls from listeners. One of the callers was in an affair with a woman in his city and he was having a hard time ending it. In fact, he said that he and his affair partner were addicted to each other and both of them could not give each other up. He was calling for advice on what he should do.
His wife was aware of the affair and he was lucky in that she had been very receptive to his explanation that the reason for the affair was that his wife wasn’t meeting some of his needs. However, now he couldn’t get himself out of the affair because he and the other woman had become too attached. He wanted to separate from her though, as they both thought it was necessary. However, he missed her, wanted to talk to her and wanted to be with her.
The counselor first suggested that like any other addiction such as drugs or alcohol, he needed to create extraordinary precautions. In other words, his behavior needed to be monitored. It was suggested that he should go away for a while with his wife or even go so far as to move out of the area. He must absolutely break contact with his affair partner.
The counselor added that only 15% of those in affairs can in fact break free, and the other 85% continue their affairs until they ultimately die a natural death.
The counselor further added that he had determined that ending the affair the right way is the most difficult thing to do, but is the smartest since there is less emotional fallout.
At the time, the caller’s wife was willing to work with him on their marriage, but the counselor suggested that if the affair continued, she would eventually give up and the marriage would likely end. The affair would likely continue for a bit, die a natural death, yet possibly be too late for the spouse to recover her loving feelings towards her husband. He would lose his wife’s love for him.
Quick reactions were recommended for the caller. Two things needed to happen ASAP:
- Never see his lover again
- Rebuild the relationship with his wife
The counselor suggested that he and his wife needed to spend a tremendous amount of time together, with his wife acting as a support mechanism for him to help him get over his addiction. At the same time, he needed to give her some support and the confidence that the relationship was really meant to be.
Often the cheater realizes too late that the spouse has lost his/her love for them and just how hard it is to get that love back.
So if you are suffering from the addiction called marital infidelity, quickly remove yourself from the drug (the affair partner) and act dramatically to win your spouse back before she loses the love for you permanently.