Up until this point in the somewhat brief history of this blog, if you analyze the comments from readers, we have had primarily two types of visitors: the Cheated on and the cheating spouse. Well, we received an excellent comment that we wanted to share to everyone from a very different perspective of an “other woman” (OW). Her writing shows another side of just how devastating a marital affair can be to all parties involved.
Here’s the post from “Getting Sober”:
Feeling numb, often tired, almost listless, just want to lay down and sleep so I wouldn’t have to feel or think. It comes in waves. I’m OK. I keep busy, very very busy and working very hard at trying to enjoy a completely new life which I am in the process of carving out for myself and most of times I succeed. But it will take time to be truly OK and have to work so hard at being OK.
We had been together as soul mates and lovers, as buddies, as friends, broken up and starting over many many times, sitting in silence, touching hands, laughing out loud without a care about who sees or hears us, having someone there when you want to say “Look!” and not having to explain. Oh yeah, I know that you know what I mean. We used to think we were the only two people in the world to experience the Magic, but we do know better.I know that you, dear reader, have been there too, otherwise you wouldn’t be here.
Well, after 7 years of magic and living our waking dreams and fantasies of finding the great love of our lives, intense passion, pain of too much tenderness, a friendship that gave us complete peace, sharing our love of music and the arts in museums and theaters, sitting on the blanket by lakes’ edges and feeding the fish, simple acts deepening the feelings of kinship, miles of walking while talking, sitting in spiritual places…….. after 7 years, we wrote our farewells. Because I could no longer face the other side of midnight. When after being one body and soul, being full of contentment and pure happiness, came the awkwardness of leaving our rented room in the middle of the night to go home to someone else.
After a particularly close and deeply connected time together I wrote myself an email note. In the Subject I wrote: “I………..” and in the Body of the email I wrote “…….can’t do this any more”. I felt exhausted and defeated, as I pictured him cheerfully greeting his wife, maybe laying down next to her… I felt empty and knew what I would do and that this wasn’t one of those break up times when we would make up in a week or even a month.
There is no sense in a love, however great, which is based in lies and deceit at every step. And if a love is truly great then two people will find a way to spend the rest of their lives together in a way that shows backbone. So what was it? A great love, or a great illusion? Perhaps is was both. Nothing in life stays the same. Just because something isn’t true now, doesn’t mean that it wasn’t true then. Do I regret it? Oh, no. I’ve known something I would not have known had I not had this affair of love and friendship.
But it is truly time to go now because ……. I………. can’t do this any more………… I’m ok, not to worry. Just sharing it here with you because I no longer have someone to share what’s inside and it helps to write it out. I feel accomplished and there is a wall in front of me with “point of no return” written on it. You can do it too. Listen to your soul’s muted voice as it cries out to you……… I……. can’t do this any more…… and then be good to yourself. Peace to all.