For any of you who have read our blog and the comments for any length of time, you are probably familiar with one of our long-time readers, “Rollercoasterrider” (RCR). The other day we received an email from her informing us that her ex-husband had proposed and that they were getting remarried. She also wanted to tell us that she would be moving on and would no longer visit our blog or be active in the Higher Healing forum. She wants to make a clean break as she starts this new chapter in her life.
We are extremely happy for RCR but also sad to see her go. It occurred to me that we have experienced similar feelings many, many times over the course of the last two-and-a-half years of writing this blog.
It’s always sad to have a long-time reader decide that it’s time to leave, but at the same time they are usually moving on because they feel they have recovered from the affair. And that makes us very, very happy.
RCR’s remarrying after a divorce is the ultimate success story and when I shared it to the Higher Healing members on the forum, I had requests to contact RCR and get more details of what transpired over the last several days. Though I’ve already shared this in the forum, I thought it would be nice to share her reply with everyone else as well:
“Doug, I do so appreciate the opportunity to say good-bye a little more formally! My EAJ friends have been an important part of my life for the past 16 months, and I know that good news is something we all love to hear.
My engagement story is very simple and sweet despite the terribly complicated 41 years that preceded it! 🙂 Someday I’ll write a book… But for now, I want to keep it brief, and yet make it very clear that the spiritual journey of self-awareness I’ve been on, and the emotional roller coaster of the infidelity of 2010/2011 that led to our separation and divorce have brought me to a place where I know beyond any doubt whatsoever that without the help and strength, the forgiveness, healing and hope that were given me by the Lord (and in answer to thousands of prayers I would not be able to tell this story.
Almost every day, I marvel at the changes both in myself and in our relationship. When H [husband] and I began seeing each other again shortly after his baptism and public profession of the desire to be a different man, we wrote “letters of intent” at the suggestion of one of our kids. They were all understandably very torn in what had happened to our family and unsure of the wisdom of our getting back together, so we wanted to reassure them of our intent. Unlike the first time around, when we were teenagers, we made the decision to have a pure relationship, nothing sexual until the day we actually said, “I do.”
Despite the hope we were beginning to have, we chose to complete the divorce process because we wanted the old, unhealthy marriage to be done (although I did not take a total division of our property with the understanding that if we changed our minds, I would then do so). The time we’ve spent together, the counseling, the effort we have made to communicate about all things positive and negative, the choice to become transparent, the emotion we’ve negotiated and the shifts in thinking, have all been quite remarkable.
I made it quite clear that I needed an official proposal, although I was never ‘coy’ or anything but open in my love and support and desire for marriage. Somehow, this step seemed very hard for my H but it was a great discipline for both of us…for him in getting out of his comfort zone to do something I wanted, and for me in being patient and understanding, although deliberate and definite.
So, imagine my surprise when, on the Fourth of July after a day that was difficult and didn’t at all turn out the way we anticipated, on a trail near our town he pulled me close and said, “I love you and I want to be married to you. Will you marry me?” On my side, of course that began the waterfall of tears, I said “Yes!!” and he said, “I just want to grow old with you!” — (kind of funny as we are pretty much there, maybe he meant ‘ancient’)
So…the journey continues. Not everyone who knows us is as happy as we are, but we are learning to take others’ opinions and feelings in stride. The new house we’re buying closes at the end of the month, and he is seriously considering the best date for the wedding. It’s all pretty exciting, a little overwhelming, but not boring! Please let my friends know they can have my personal email should they ever want to write. And again, Doug and Linda, thank you. God bless you.”
Now, if that doesn’t either put a smile on your face or a tear in your eye, then I don’t know what will.
Linda and I have communicated with RCR several times outside of this site and I can tell you that she has made a difference in our lives and we wish her all the best as she begins this new journey.
Our sincere hope is that we will receive many more such emails detailing great stories of success from the rest of you.[wlsp_signup]