If you are a woman and haven’t been living in a cave for the last month, I am sure you have heard of the latest new author, E.L. James and her book “50 Shades of Grey.” I cannot go to work, a soccer game or a dance competition without seeing women peering into the book or gazing at their Kindles, blushing ever so discreetly.
Since Doug’s emotional affair I haven’t been able to read this sort of book, especially if it contains any type of romance or fantasy. However, I was enticed by my co-worker’s lively discussions about the graphic sex scenes, so I succumbed and purchased the book.
I can honestly say I couldn’t put the book down. In fact, I also purchased the other two books in the trilogy and am currently on book two and have realized that reading this kind of book has been very healthy for me. I am not saying that it hasn’t produced a few triggers, but I had forgotten how nice it is to totally escape reality and dig into a fantasy that is not related to Doug’s emotional affair.
I can also say that Doug has benefitted as well, although I may have accidently called him Christian (the main character) during sex a few times. Let’s just say that the book definitely gets your juices flowing. The sex scenes are very graphic and the characters are like animals.
I also have concluded that even though the books are totally based on fantasy, there are many thought provoking questions concerning the characters and their behaviors. Simply, this book makes me think not only about sex but about the behaviors of men and women when they are involved in relationships.
The main character is Christian Grey, who of course is handsome, rich, perfectly built, talented, intelligent, and has an endless ability to satisfy his lover. However, he is also messed up in a big way. He had a traumatic childhood which in turn has left him unable to have an intimate relationship. He is completely clueless about how to show love and be in an unconditional relationship.
As a result, he masks this fear of getting close to someone by acting controlling, angry and quite frankly by being a big jerk. And even though his behavior is extreme, it definitely reminded me of Doug’s behavior during his emotional affair, as well as the behavior of many other (cheating) men we have encountered through our blog.
I know I’m generalizing here, but Christian Grey has taught me that men want nothing more than to be in an intimate relationship – but they don’t know how. It truly scares them to death. They are afraid of being unloved, abandoned or seen for who they really are. They feel like they have to pretend they are this tough, prefect man, when deep down they feel vulnerable and inadequate.
Anastasia is the woman in Christian’s life and seems to portray the typical female. She wants to save him from his pain and show him what it really means to love. In order to do this though, she has to change him. Her attempts at changing Christian are constantly met with opposition and anger. Their relationship exemplifies the typical dance that occurs between husband and wife.
I also was taken aback by the way Anastasia’s emotions directly affected Christian. When she felt secure, happy or content, he felt the same. When she wanted to flee, was emotional or discontent, he felt completely out of control.
When I think about Doug and our relationship it is very much the same way. When I am happy and relaxed, Doug is as well. I really didn’t realize how much my moods affect the way he feels. I believe that men want nothing more than to make us happy, and when we are happy they have accomplished their goal in the relationship.
In the end I believe I am enjoying this book not only because of the exciting and descriptive sex, but the way Christian and Anastasia relate to each other. Christian is willing to be vulnerable and be completely honest about himself and all of his “baggage.” Anastasia loves Christian unconditionally, however she is not willing to compromise herself in the process. She openly displays her anger and articulates what she will and will not accept in their relationship. This is everything any woman would want in a relationship and especially during their affair recovery.