It is a Time to be Thankful

Since today is Thanksgiving here in the US we are taking the day off to be with family and to stuff our faces.  We still wanted to give you all something to ponder though.

We actually posted the same poem below last year and would like to hear from you regarding the things that you are thankful for.  Even in the depths of despair that infidelity can bring, we believe we all can still find reason to give thanks!


Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire.

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something,

for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,

because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,

because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,

because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who

are also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,

and they can become your blessings.

–Author unknown.


Try not to eat too much today and while you’re at it, have a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving! And by-the-way, we are very thankful for all of you!

Doug & Linda

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30 Responses to It is a Time to be Thankful

  1. Paula November 24, 2011 at 4:44 pm #

    I am thankful for my life, I’m still here, and some of that is due to this blog, thank you guys.

    One of my dear friends is American, from South Carolina, and she missed Thanksgiving so much, we convinced her a few years ago to celebrate, and we would help. She does a huge dinner every year, cooks for two days, and we have about 30-odd people, and a “pie” bake-off , complete with annual trophy(we in the southern hemisphere think pies are savoury, so this causes much mirth, as the first year, many turned up with bacon and egg pies, meat pies, etc – only those in the know brought cheesecakes, pumpkin, and fruit tarts, etc!) Just had it last night (it’s Friday here, now) and it lifted my spirits, had a fabulous time, and I’m so thankful for friends, and for her efforts, and that we could help her feel more at home.

    So, I am thankful for my troubles, it is a truly awful experience, but I know and love ME more than ever, and I know there has been growth, and much more to come.

    • ifeelsodumb November 25, 2011 at 3:27 pm #

      Paula, that’s great that you all get together to help your friend celebrate Thanksgiving! Reading that made me smile =)

  2. Roller coaster rider November 24, 2011 at 11:32 pm #

    I too am very thankful to have had the support of so many during this past painful year and I believe this website has contributed immensely to my growth during my own very stressful journey, so thanks, Doug and Linda. I am thankful that although I would never have imagined this path, I have four beautiful adult children, two great daughters-in-law and a son-in-law, a wonderful grandson and one more coming in January. I am tremendously grateful for the house I am currently living in and a part-time job that provides just the right amount of work for now. I have been given a faith that has weathered many a storm and a God that is more than worthy of my trust for He is always faithful. Although this is a challenging and difficult time, I am thankful for my life.

  3. ifeelsodumb November 25, 2011 at 3:35 pm #

    I am thankful for this website also…it’s really helped educate me, I’m not crazy, the thoughts and fears and emotions are all part of the EA recovery.
    Thank you Doug for putting yourself out there, sometimes being ridiculed by others, but still you open yourself up, so we can see what was happening in your own mind during your EA…It helps me to understand my H just a little bit more.
    And thank you Linda, for sharing your pain, hopes and dreams for the future.
    I remember when I first started reading this website, back in April, I thought to myself that I couldn’t do what you are doing…going over everything over and over again…day in and day out, just to help others who are suffering….but now, almost a year from my own D day, I can see how you ARE doing it…You are one strong lady and I really admire you for what you are doing!! Thank you so much!

    • Doug November 28, 2011 at 3:52 pm #

      Thanks IFSD, that really means a lot!

  4. Anita November 25, 2011 at 5:32 pm #

    Hi Roller coaster,
    Your right God, is always faithful. When you get a free moment
    read Isaiah 61 read that whole chapter its about a page long.
    God, promises for the Exaltation of the Afflicated.
    I am thankful, I don’t ever have to live my life without God, I want Him always to be there, and will always be thankful for Him.

  5. Notoverit November 25, 2011 at 7:47 pm #

    I am very thankful for this website. It has helped me understand myself, my fears and my tears. I am especially thankful for Doug’s view and for Linda’s sharing. I don’t believe I would have made it as far as I am without them! I truly believe that this site has helped me save my marriage! Thanks you guys!!!!!

    • Doug November 28, 2011 at 3:51 pm #

      Notoverit, It truly warms my heart to hear that this site has been able to help you – and hopefully many others. Thanks for the kind words!

  6. Jackie November 26, 2011 at 2:17 am #

    I too am thankful, I have learned so much about myself and my H these last two years. I have become much more focused on what is important to me, and realize the how we as humans all have our faults and issues, as well as our strengths and determinations. I have learned to understand and accept both myself and those around me, as well as the situations we find ourselves in. I am thankful for this site and all the people who have helped one another heal from the crisis in our lives. We have all grown together.

  7. Donna M November 26, 2011 at 5:05 am #

    I as well am VERY Thankful for this site!!! I am also Thankful for the Bloggers, on here.. I have been to so many sites and all you hear is “Dump Him” and so on, no one was helpful or kind…

  8. rn2k38 November 26, 2011 at 11:52 am #

    Thanksgiving this year was a bitter/sweet time. The week before Thanksgiving last year I had discovered that my wife was engaged in a 9 month emotional affair on-line with an old boyfriend she had found. It is bitter because I still remember the hell I went through after discovering what had been going on for most of that year. It was also hard dealing with the affair because the whole time she was involved with this man telling him how much she wanted to be with him intimately and sharing things with him I knew nothing about she was telling me how much she loved me and how happy she was and how our relationship is better than ever. It was hard to believe that after 22 years together there were sexual and personal things she was unable or unwilling to share with me. I had contacted this man who lived 2 states away that I knew what he was doing with my wife and that he needed to stop it and have no further contact with her and I also let let him know that there was no need having 2 families suffer through this. When I told my wife that I had contacted him and ended it between the two of them, you would have thought that I had just told her she had cancer with all the crying and anger she exhibited towards me for ending the affair. The anger was the hardest to deal with and hearing her say that she needed closure with him. I ended up contacting this man again trying to get him to contact my wife stating that she needed closure with her, when he refused I had begged him to. It was traumatic to witness as they texted each other for an hour and with each received message seeing my wife tearful, distraught and shaking her head almost as if she were married to him and the relationship was coming to an end. But I am thankful that my wife did want to stay together and work things out, even though for weeks after wards she was saying she did not know what were feelings were for me anymore and how this other man had a piece of her heart and there has been very little signs of appreciation for all that I had done for her the weeks after I ended the affair. I am also thankful that I am now starting to climb out of the emotional roller coaster I have been riding on for the last year.

    • ifeelsodumb November 27, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

      Well, after reading your story…I guess I should be thankful that my H’s EA was only 4 mos…and he seemed glad to have his secret out! So sorry what you’ve been through rn2k38…

  9. tryingtoowife November 26, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    I am very thankful for this site and Doug and Linda’s courage in opening their hearts here, and helping all the hurt people that come here for some kind of guidance or just to give or to receive support in this very difficult job of healing. I am thankful that I stayed with my H instead of moving to the other side of the world as I so many times I wished I could. I have hope now, hope of finding my way, but with my husband by my side. And I am thankful to him, for staying, and showing me in ALL ways that he regrets and in spite of losing his way, and hurting us so much, he loves me very much and will help me through this no matter what it needs. Thank you to everyone here that has helped me to understand that although I feel very lonely in my journey, I am not.

  10. Still struggling November 26, 2011 at 11:28 pm #

    I sam thankful that I didn’t kill the bitch like I had dreamt of doing so many times.

    • ifeelsodumb November 27, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

      OK, THAT made me LOL!!!!

    • Donna M November 28, 2011 at 4:18 am #

      OMG to funny!!!! You and I have the same thoughts!!! I just keep saying Prison Orange is NOT my color!

  11. Dar November 27, 2011 at 10:16 pm #

    I am thankful that my husband and i are still together. He has dne everything right and has been patient and accepting of all of my triggers. This is the time of year when it all began though and i’m ready to walk out the door. The thiught that he was able to have an ea while we were juggling our four kids schedules makes me sick. Literally sick. I feel right now that i must look stupid to keep him. He is a great husband and father. I don’t know what happened except his first girlfriend from high school gave him attention. We’ve been married 21 years an i thought we had a great marriage. Am i stupid?

    • Donna M November 28, 2011 at 1:56 pm #

      Dar I felt the same way. I even asked him, wow you and her must have had a good laugh at my being so dumb.. He said he never thought I was dumb at all, he knew I was busy with the kids and wouldn’t find out. He said that we just forgot to be us, he missed the Attention from me and didn’t feel loved. After the EA we went back to dating please please don’t forget to do that part of it. Fall back in Love with his other. It’s so much better then the first round…
      YOU are far from stupid.. I as well used to think my marriage was 100% better than all my friends. He took that part away. The 100% trust is gone. He has opened everything to me, email passwords, he no longer has codes on his phone or computer, he left his job so there would be no way to contact him he has blocked her 100%. He told me he is 100% recommitted to me. We are going to renew our Vows in the summer.

      • ifeelsodumb November 28, 2011 at 2:12 pm #

        I asked my H the same thing….and his response was pretty much the same as yours…except I do KNOW that she was laughing about me behind my back, along with my H’s cousin…they are BFF…and he let her…which saddens me immensely!!
        And I’m right there with you…thought my marriage was soooo great…the envy of all my friends! And he’s ruined that…so now I have to find a way to forgive him….I’m not there yet…

        • Donna M November 28, 2011 at 3:04 pm #

          My h knows I don’t forgive him. 1 year out and still can’t find that way. Like I my H, I do love you just don’t know if I do or will forgive him. I guess its more of I let a wall down and now it’s made of Brick, cement and a whole lot of angry. What I think is sick about it, I found a text from her while the EA was going on and she said you need to fix your marriage, and then to find out the next night she slept with him GO FIGURE.. Guessing it just made her feel good about herself…

          • Paula November 28, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

            Donna M, with all due respect, and care, if you are still unable to forgive him (and this is real, and you’re not a bad person for feeling this way – I still flip and flop over that very issue, two and a half years later, despite many, many good feelings and aspects of our relationship) why are you renewing your vows so soon? IMHO I wouldn’t be queueing up to do this if I still had doubts, why not wait until you feel better about things? I understand the need to feel like everything is better (and to the outside world, a renewal shows everyone “you’re over it”) but why not wait until the feelings are more settled, until there is true forgiveness? Sorry to seem critical.

          • ifeelsodumb November 28, 2011 at 5:15 pm #

            This is a reply to Donna and Paula….I feel the same way! My H wanted to renew our vows when we went away together in Oct….I told him I wasn’t ready…when I know that I have forgiven him 100%, then and only then will we renew our vows…I want to forgive him, just can’t do it right now…and I have no idea when I will…forgiveness is a process, a very LONG process!

        • Paula November 28, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

          I guess we were too proud of our lovely marriages/relationships, maybe that is the awful lesson here. Seems such a shame, I was very proud of us, I LOVED our honesty, commitment, closeness, fun, sex, everything about us. Time to realise the “fabulousness” of us needs work, not just basking in it’s glory, lol!

          Old flames are easy, they require no work, there is obvious chemistry, and little “risk” of rejection when first approached, unlike trying to pick someone out of the general population. And they offer the fantasy of a younger, simpler life, without mortgages, bills, kids issues, work issues, time issues!

          The laughing at us thing is horrible, that is a major component of my nightmares, torture and their mirth at my agony, at their hand. My nightmares are another matter, and a part of my struggle that I rarely share, as I find them embarrassing!

          • Donna M November 28, 2011 at 4:13 pm #

            Paula, I feel like every night I have dreams. Its the thought of him touching her that makes me sick. I used to look at her picture and think MY GOD, the least you could have done was UPGRADE. I’m not saying that I am a 10, 9 1/2 maybe (lol) But I have never had a problem in that department. I even post a picture of her on my wall last year and asked, look at this person what do you think… Every response was the same, they would rather a dog then her.. No one knew who she was… Not sure but my dreams are all about the above.
            She was a co-worker and even from day 1 of her working there, told my husband how the heck do people understand her and she was nasty to me. 2 months later the affair started.. I still sometimes think he did it on spite, because of the things I said about her…

          • Donna M November 28, 2011 at 4:40 pm #

            Paula, if I couldn’t handle any (helpful) critical comments I wouldn’t be on here :)… I have put off our renewal for our vows in December (our 11th anniversary). I keep pushing it up 6 months at a time to try and give the positive outlook for it. My H is very supportive of me doing this. Which is nice change. I told him I can’t do it until I feel I am that point. He does ask me once a week to marry him again (again something new). It’s nice to see people have your back on here :)….

          • Paula November 29, 2011 at 7:15 pm #

            Donna, glad to hear your thoughts, I understand your feelings about the vow renewal. Good on you.

            My dreams are actually violent and sickening nightmares that have occurred every single night since about 6 months post D-Day. They are gruesome, mostly extremely violent and very disturbing, I don’t share them here, because they are far too disturbing. I keep thinking they must end soon, as I must eventually become de-sensitised to them, I wake up every day with a sick feeling, and struggle to get back on the happy path, right from the outset of every single day. We have just started to touch on them with a new counsellor, I hope he can help.

    • ifeelsodumb November 28, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

      What is about the old BF and GF from high school? Geez! My H’s OW was an old GF also…I got the “it was unfinished business” line…from my counselor and my H’s cousin…well, forgive me, but after 28 yrs and 7 kids, 4 on my side, 3 on hers, don’t you think we are all a LITTLE FREAKING old to go back to high school???
      You are NOT stupid Dar….they are! For thinking they could act like teenagers and no one would get hurt!
      My H is FINALLY making steps to help repair things…small steps, but steps nonetheless…I just wish he would have done it a lot sooner, so maybe I’d be farther along…but again, from what I’ve read, the CS seems to really drag their feet in the beginning…And yea, I get what you’re saying about it being Christmas and juggling everything…I was doing ALL the shopping, wrapping, baking, etc…he was sneaking away to the garage or “running errands” so he could talk to HER!! Grrrr!! Just thinking about it makes me soooo mad!!!

  12. aaron November 28, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

    I am thankful that in the end, I hold all the cards for myself. It isn’t always easy to see it that way, but I have control of much of what is going on with my wife and me. I have been working on myself and I also have the ability to walk away from the marriage battered, but not broken, if it comes to that.

    She seems to be genuinely refocused on us and our relationship, though I still don’t feel like she fully appreciates the pain I’ve felt and the ups and downs I’ve experienced these past four months. She has had no contact with OM since my discovery of her nearly 6-year EA in July. Yet, she seems to not be dealing with the pains of separation or grieving that many have said their CS experienced. That is probably because she went through that experience mostly about four years ago when her relationship with him appeared to take a less intense course when they both seemed to acknowledge they were heading or were already in a dangerous place. Even so, the fact that the EA had reached such an intense level that she must have been grieving the loss AND that it continued as a less-intense undercurrent of our relationship for the next four years—all unbeknownst to me, still haunt me.

    This past weekend was the first time I had seen my mother and siblings since I learned of her EA and I have to admit that it was a bit shaky. They have no idea about it, but in the back of my head I hear my own voice screaming that she wanted to be with another man and that our marriage was a sham. I fought hard to keep that voice from drowning out the good things going on around me, but it never completely went away. Perhaps the fact that I survived the holiday without a meltdown of sorts should be encouraging. That said, I am not looking forward to Christmas either…

  13. Donna M November 29, 2011 at 5:00 am #

    I just wanted to thank everyone for being here.. I think this is great to have so many caring shoulders to cry on 🙂

  14. Bewildered November 29, 2011 at 10:03 am #

    Thankful for this sight – although they are/were tough times for all of us we get strength and support from others with the same tough times which, I think are invaluable.

    I am thankful for my discovery of my husbands EA/affair…not quite sure what it was. 20 years is long enough for him to have been making his own marriage rules. The next 20 years he can spend making it up to me.

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