Infidelity Makes for a Complicated Christmas – Part 2

result of infidelityHere we pick up where we left off of the messed up story of a Christmas made complicated as a result of infidelity.

When we last left the man, it was a few days before Christmas and his plan for his kids to meet his new wife prior to Christmas was not going over so well.  In fact it was basically flat-out rejected.

His plan had been to fly his kids into the city where he lives (2 hours away) and have them stay with he and his wife for a few days.  However, the kids did not like this idea at all for a few reasons.  The obvious one being that they didn’t want to stay in the same house as their Father’s new wife.  Secondly, they had wanted to spend some time with their Mother over the holidays, and lastly, they wanted to be able to visit other family and friends during their stay (mostly their super-cool aunt and uncle). 

So it was a couple of days before Christmas and the aunt and uncle had still not heard what the kids’ travel plans were.  Finally the man called his mother and let them know that his kids were not going to be staying with him after all, nor flying into the city where he lives. 

He also informed his mother that he wasn’t sure yet as to whether or not he and his wife were going to make it to the annual Christmas get together. His mother was quite dismayed at the possibility of that happening. 

Finally, on Christmas Eve he called and informed everyone that he would be coming to the party by himself – not at 2:00 when it started, but around 7:00.  Everyone assumed this was so he could spend the day with his wife.

It was no surprise that the new wife decided not to come.  The aunt and uncle felt that him coming by himself was indeed the right decision but he should have spent much more time with his kids. 

This arrangement did not sit well with the kids either.  Here they had not seen their Father for at least six months and now he would only be spending a few hours with them.

So somewhere around 7:45 the man finally shows up at the party.  He says his hellos to all of the people there and very awkwardly forced hugs with his kids.  The kids were not happy at all and their displeasure was quite obvious.

The man seemed less than thrilled to be there and it didn’t take long for the man to pull his cell phone out and start texting.  It was obvious that he was texting his new wife and it was obvious that this was infuriating his kids even further.  After all, he barely made it to the party and now he was barely interacting with his kids who he has not seen for months.

It took about 10 minutes for the kids to get fed up enough to get up and move to another room where they sulked for the remainder of the evening.

Thank God their cousin had some friends stop over which provided a much needed diversion and wound up breathing a lot of levity into a party that was being taken over by tension.

This whole family holiday experience brought to light several examples of bad choices made by the man with respect to how he handled this whole situation with his kids.  Here is what he needs to do…

  • He must stop trying to force his new wife onto his children before repairing the damaged relationships with them.
  • He has to stop putting the new wife before his children.  His actions are telling his kids that her feelings and companionship is more desirable and important than that of his kids.
  • He should be trying to repair the relationship with his children by rebuilding trust with them, while leaving the new wife out of it.
  • He needs to make frequent visits and phone calls with his children, even though they may be uncomfortable and he might be confronted with anger.  He needs to suck it up and keep trying in order to rebuild their trust.
  • He must be more aware that his actions caused long term damage to his children.  They feel abandoned and betrayed so he needs to deal with these issues instead of assuming that everything will be great when they meet the new wife.
  • He has to stop believing that he and his wife are the victims and that everyone is against them.
  • He must stop putting everyone else in the middle and deal directly with the issues in front of him.

Infidelity has torn this man’s family apart as it does for so many others.  Often it’s the kids who are negatively impacted most of all.  In this situation, the man needs to get out of his little bubble, use his very intelligent brain and do what he needs to do before he loses the relationships with his kids forever.


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44 Responses to Infidelity Makes for a Complicated Christmas – Part 2

  1. exercisegrace December 30, 2013 at 1:50 pm #

    I’m so sorry for you guys, and sad that he doesn’t “get it”. Sounds like the new wife is extremely insecure, and why wouldn’t she be? As we all know, relationships founded on lies and deceit breed distrust and fear in the new relationship. Sometimes marriages fail. Sometimes things are just irreparable. As sad as that is, it happens. If people only realized that leaving a relationship honorably, and thus giving your children (regardless of their age, they are always your children) time to grieve the loss and reconcile the new reality, they will set up a good future for everyone. A new spouse that had nothing to do with the break up of the marriage and family will ultimately be well-received. They can be embraced without reservation by the entire family. He had a golden opportunity, surrounded by the support of the extended family, to make some amends. He could have shown the kids they were a priority. Spending the entire day with them, focused on them, could have gone a long way towards healing. who knows? If he and his wife had been willing to make that sacrifice and see it as an investment in the future, NEXT Christmas might have seen the kids willing to make that flight.

    • Doug December 30, 2013 at 2:17 pm #

      EG, you nailed it! He could have made things so much better for the future, but he (they) chose to sweep it under the rug and put it off for another time. We have really been surprised at how insecure his wife is, and while I think that her not being there on Christmas was the right thing to do in this situation, they need to stop distancing themselves from their kids, grow a pair and get busy repairing those relationships.

  2. Strengthrequired December 31, 2013 at 5:46 am #

    It’s always going to be about his new wife until the honey moon phase is over, then it will hit. He will then realise unfortunately could be too late, that he has ruined his relationship with his kids. When that happens, I would hate to be the new wife….

    Happy new year everyone… Take care and here’s hoping 2014 will be a wonderful year for all of us.

  3. Rachel December 31, 2013 at 7:44 am #

    Happy new year all!!! I’m excited for a new beginning!

  4. gizfield December 31, 2013 at 10:38 am #

    Doug, I’m not surprised by the new wife’s insecurity. Despite their outward appearance, I think all cheaters have a high level of insecurity, usually disguised as “self confidence.” Self confident people dont need constant reassurance and attention from other people.

    • Doug December 31, 2013 at 11:28 am #

      No arguments from me there Giz. Both Linda and I feel that her actions throughout this whole affair/marriage/etc has been very calculated and if there is any deviation or rocking of the boat, she flips out. She was upset a year or so ago when he wanted to spend the night here in town when his mother had minor surgery.

    • tryinghard January 1, 2014 at 2:13 pm #

      You are right on. I read that the affair partners, especially women, have very high levels even distorted levels of self confidence. The article referred to women’s competitive nature with each other. Having an affair with a married man and fooling the wife, whom she knows is superior in so many ways, is a boost to that already inflated view of themselves. She wants to be that woman so bad and knows she can’t so she does the next best thing, has an affair with her husband! I don’t want to say they are not stable people but they are certainly not in a stable frame of mind and that includes the CS!

  5. Strengthrequired December 31, 2013 at 5:07 pm #

    So everyone sees what she is really like, except him. He would be putting her up on this high pedestal.
    It doesn’t surprise me that the new wife doesn’t want to show her face, or even have him be too close to his family. She would be very worried someone is going to finally shake him up out of his sleep. She knows everyone sees her as a home wrecker, which she is. That price tag she is wearing isn’t going to raise in value, she will always be cheap and she knows it.
    If anyone wants to look like a decent person that has morals, and value, then don’t break a family.

  6. tryinghard January 1, 2014 at 2:06 pm #

    I actually thought about you and Linda on Christmas Day and was hoping you all were enjoying the holiday despite the brother in law drama.

    I hope you told him all the things you have listed here. Sounds like you really care for your nieces and nephews.

    I don’t even know him or her but both their actions are pretty predictable. The new wife has nothing to gain and everything to lose if her husband gets his relationship with his children back on track. If the kids really wanted to make her miserable they should do just that get back to some kind of relationship with him and completely ignore her. I don’t blame them for not wanting to stay at his house with them, but no matter what your parents are or what they have done or are doing it is imperative to figure out a way to have a relationship with them. I’m afraid this hurt will only further damage his kids and possibly their future relationships. You know the whole “…sins of the father..”

    Happy New Year to all 🙂

    • Doug January 2, 2014 at 10:58 am #

      Thanks TH. We have not expressed our thoughts about everything to the BIL. I doubt if we ever do unless he initiates some sort of discussion about it. We feel that we have to pretend to be somewhat neutral since we’re kind of stuck in the middle.

      When he was in his limbo days and “trying” to reconcile with his then wife, he would call Linda regularly to discuss things. Of course she tried to persuade him to work on the marriage and that he was living in a fantasy, etc., but obviously he decided otherwise. Since then, he doesn’t call her hardly at all. If he did, I’m sure Linda would give him a piece of her mind if the subject came up.

  7. Broken2 January 1, 2014 at 7:23 pm #

    Wow that was stressful….hope you all had a nice Christmas anyways and a Happy New Year!

    • Doug January 2, 2014 at 10:59 am #

      We did indeed B2. We hope you did as well!

    • Broken2 January 3, 2014 at 6:18 pm #

      Thanks Doug….our holiday was fabulous. I never thought I could get to this point in our marriage but I have. I am happy again and survived and I wish I could take other peoples pain away and wake up those (like your house guest). Thanks for all you and Linda do!!!!

  8. strengthrequired January 2, 2014 at 4:39 am #

    I’m going to ask a question to you Doug?
    Knowing how your BIL is with his children, family, and now new wife, seeing how he is behaving and not seeing really all that clearly TBH. Do you think to yourself what could have happened if you didn’t break through the fantasy land with the ow, and ended up with her? Do you just sit back seeing your BIL, and just think, thank god I dodged that bullet, now you know what you know?
    Hope it makes sense, but I just couldn’t imagine anyone that has been through what you and Linda have and just not go ” phew”

    • Doug January 2, 2014 at 10:49 am #

      SR, Absolutely. I see what they have gone through and thank God that I got my head out of my ass. The whole situation just really pisses Linda off as she watches the terrible decisions her brother has made and how they have affected everyone – and the fact that he is too blind to see it.

      • Strengthrequired January 2, 2014 at 3:31 pm #

        You know Doug, I’m with Linda, and he isn’t even related to me. It upsets me too. I would love to be able to slap him silly (figure of speech, lol) and just wake him up. Yet unfortunately as we have read over and over, how much is happening here with your BIL, it’s only a matter of time, when it all just falls apart. I can’t imagine him not regretting his decision in the future. He will then start reaching out, it may be hard for him to do at first because it would mean he has to face up to his mistakes, but eventually he will.
        He will see just how much he put her in front of his children and family. At the moment honey moon phase is still running its course. He still thinks he needs to protect her and himself, from judging eyes, which I wouldn’t understand him feeling any other way, because it was at both their hands, and not everyone is going to be so open to their marriage.
        Unfortunately for him, he feels those looks more because deep down he knows what everyone is thinking, even if she didn’t, then they would face up together and really not give a rats ass, on all the prying eyes they gazed upon them, as they would still believe they did nothing wrong. It’s the guilt that stops them.
        It’s the guilt that will tear them apart.
        I just hope that he can repair all the damage done with his children before then. Right now they feel like he really doesn’t care about them, he has put no effort in maintaining their relationship, most likely because of the demands of the new wife’s fears, nonetheless he has put her in front of his own children.
        That is hard for anyone to swallow.

        I can only imagine how you and Linda feel about this whole situation, being so close to the situation and having experienced something similar and made it through to the other side. I do hope it all works out sooner and not later, for everyone involved. Hopefully all the future celebrations will be a lot easier.
        Hang in there you guys…

        • Doug January 3, 2014 at 9:55 am #

          Thanks SR, and you nailed things right on the head! I can tell you that based on our discussions with our nieces and nephew, his time may be running short to fix things without permanent and total damage.

          • strengthrequired January 5, 2014 at 9:48 am #

            I’m sorry to hear that Doug. I hope it doesn’t come to that, I truly do.
            My h ow is still contacting him, I saw a message come to him, yesterday. Not sure what to think right now, she just won’t stop.
            I don’t know what to believe, and whether or not I can save my own family from this scavenger.

            • Tryinghard January 5, 2014 at 12:09 pm #

              Can your husband change his phone number? At the very least block her numbers? I know she could use another phone, but blocking her number would at least send her a message. What kind of a nut is she after all this time still contacting him? I don’t know, I think I would be making a pretty vicious phone call to her, family or not. This woman is psycho, unless your husband is lying to you again and taking her calls or even calling her. I don’t know. I do know there is NO healing with her in the picture and still in contact with your husband. She’s needing his attention and he might just be giving it to her. Make him figure out how to keep her from calling or contacting him and ANY excuse is just that, an excuse. Maybe he has business calls coming in on that phone but big deal he can get those calls transferred and not hers. Time to “show your teeth”.

              • strengthrequired January 5, 2014 at 10:56 pm #

                I was thinking about what you said, can he change his number? Unfortunately, there isn’t any point, she could still track his new number down because of the business. No matter what we do, even changing the business name, she just needs to search his name and find him that way.
                I told my h, that he needs to block her, or I will be letting her no myself if she keeps contacting him, I will be taking it further.
                Funny I also told him yesterday, that if he is with her, then he can expect both her and him questioned in court about their sleazy relationship, I will also have all phone records subpoenaed. I think he was shocked to hear that.
                I think that will be the last thing he wants to happen. Yer he also told me, if I left him, he won’t divorce me. Hmmmm.
                Gee am I learning some things in here. Lol.

                • tryinghard January 6, 2014 at 10:12 am #

                  That’s a good point. She does sound pretty determined to make herself present in your life. I guess there would be ways she could track his new number down. I know you can block private numbers. I’m sure all carriers have that capability. I hate private numbers. I get them all the time at work and at home. I don’t answer them at home, I have to at work. Someone, you or him but preferably him, should at least send her a letter or a text saying,” leave me alone”.

                  UGH they are like gum on the bottom of our shoes!!! No matter how hard we try to put things in the past they just keep sticking around!

                  • Strengthrequired January 8, 2014 at 4:26 pm #

                    You know TH, the more she behaves badly, the more my h wants nothing to do with her, and I bet eventually if she doesn’t stop, he will end up having enough and just snap. She will truly become an annoyance that will keep reminding him of what happened, when all he want is to forget. So she is just a crazy nutcase, that thinks if she keeps some sort of contact with him, that he won’t drop her completely out of his life, but now what she doesn’t know or want to realise, is she represents bad memories of how far he fell, a lot of bad memories associated with her. He sees how much negative energy she brought into his life and for him to get better he needed to forget her, so he can reclaim his life back. So if she is going to keep contacting him, hounding him etc, I think he will most likely go to the police himself. I guess I see it now, since a few of the positive outcomes this week.
                    So now she will most likely see that playing around with someone else’s h, doesn’t end well for her.

                    • tryinghard January 8, 2014 at 4:48 pm #

                      That’s a really great point! Yes let her bug him and remind him of his bad behavior. She’s the bad guy, not you 🙂 Hey at least he’s telling you when she texts, it’s not like you’re having to find it.

                      You have had some really positive things happen this week and I am soooo happy for you. You deserve it my friend! Hugs to you and your beautiful family.

                    • Strengthrequired January 9, 2014 at 6:03 am #

                      Th, it is so true when you think about it, no one likes to be nagged, if we make up our minds, and someone keeps at us, we get annoyed.
                      So if she wants to be a nag, it will just p, him off. I honestly would love to hear him go off at her…. Hehe

  9. Saw the Light (formerly Roller Coaster Rider) January 3, 2014 at 10:19 pm #

    So much of this is similar to my situation, with the exception of the fact my H has not married his GF (possibly because we are not quite legally divorced again). Seems to me a lot of this behavior from Linda’s brother has come from an amazingly selfish series of choices. And now, he has alienated his own kids and made them feel like they don’t matter (which, unfortunately when push comes to shove, they don’t). All the things you listed that he needs to do…well, if he could go down this road to the extent he has, it just won’t happen because it’s apparently all about him.

  10. strengthrequired January 5, 2014 at 4:47 pm #

    Thank you th, my h and I had a good talk last night about this problem we have with the ow. He has told me she has tried to message him, but he does not respond. He still thinks that if he ignores her she will just go away.
    Unfortunately for me she doesn’t. My son is facing a similar problem with a young girl he used to go out with, who keeps trying to call him, txt him, get him on fb, etc. if she can’t get him she goes to my other son, and has even herself tried to call my husband to talk to our son on her behalf. So my husband is seeing what it does to our son, as well as himself, with these crazy ass girls, that just won’t take no for an answer.
    I have told my h to block his tramp from his phone, but we are unsure if it will work if she places her phone as a silent number? As she always tries to call him on private, hoping he would answer. The messages if course show up as her number. So I’m sure it will work with that. Yet he doesn’t answer private calls, normally. He is unsure if she has been to his place of work when he hasn’t been there, but said she has not been there when he is there.
    We have set up a gps on his phone now, which is a step at making me feel better, blocking her will be the next.
    I actually felt like sending her a message through his phone making out the message has come from him, that “please do not try to contact me anymore, I do not love you, I love my wife and my children, you need to leave me alone and get on with your life” “if you keep trying to call I will contact the police to make you stop”
    Yet I thought that maybe then she would then try and see him or, call to talk to him to ask why he is treating her this way, so then it would just be thrown back in my face.
    I tossed and turned all night just thinking about it.
    I did tell my h last night that we should consider separating, until she Is out of his life and I know it. Yet he became emotional, assuring me that he is not seeing her, so why would I let her break us. He said he is not responding to her, he is ignoring her. I maybe foolish for wanting and trying to believe in him, but I am hesitant at doing anything drastic, as it very well could be all her. So I guess benefit of the doubt for now. There will be slip ups if he is telling me lies, they will show themselves, if that day happens I will have a decision to make.
    For now he is doing things to make me feel more at ease. I guess time will tell all.
    I can’t believe there are women like this in the world. Just sickening.

    • Tryinghard January 5, 2014 at 6:04 pm #

      Yes you can block private numbers. Go to your phone store and find out how to do it with whatever type of phone he has. Also he should absolutely send her that text. Not you, HIM. I fully understand the ignoring part but news flash, it’s not working for some reason. Also next would be a restraining order against her so if she does contact him again she goes to jail. I know all the stuff about family but seriously this protecting the family is at your cost. Why would she go to his work? This woman is deranged! I’m glad you give him the benefit of the doubt but there is nothing innocent about her contacting him. She’s trying to weasel her way back in. This would be wR at my house. Hang in there sweetie:)

      • strengthrequired January 5, 2014 at 7:27 pm #

        Th, thank you again, the problem is , I know he loves me, he has even told me, he knows that he was not well mentally when it all started with her, and that I have nothing to worry about because he is better, and is so happy that we are hear rebuilding our lives with each other. He tells me how he is excited coming home to see me and the children, that at times he drives a it fast must to get home. He has also assured me that at the moment he stills needs to work and stay away, but he is going to bring it down soon to a couple of nights a week come then so forth, eventually once we are further on our feet, he will rework his schedule to be home every night.
        I have told him that he has to understand the reason I feel the way I do, yes he tells me not to worry, but we are apart almost everyday with the exception of two nights, a week, and knowing what I know about her, knowing that she is still expecting him to be with her, I won’t completely relax until he is with me every night.
        The thing is I know she knows he is away most of the time, so honestly why wouldn’t she keep trying. He is fair game down there away from me.
        Yet as he says, she can try, but he is better now, what she does means nothing to him (probably even makes her look more crazy), it shouldn’t mean anything to me, because he isn’t playing her game. He has a goal in his head and that is to make our life better, so we can be together all the time.
        With him comparing this young girl to her, both as crazy – who knows what they would do next? Is somewhat refreshing, hopefully he can see what she really is, a manipulative unstable bottom feeder.
        On the bright side, he has called me several times today, asking me to check the gps to see if I can see him, he is having quite a bit of fun with it. As I know where he is staying of a night, this is a huge help to me.
        I am actually amazed he agreed to have it on his phone. This phone follows him everywhere, and I mean everywhere.
        I’m wondering maybe my son having the same problem as he is with his scrag, that this is a wake up call to my h, that she is just plain nuts.
        I didn’t mean to throw at him that she would love it that you chose her even over your children, and to be honest if you were away due to work but still fraternizing with her at the same time, then that is exactly what you are doing, choosing her over your children. Your children will remember and they will find it hard to respect you, because they want you, they miss you. Yet I had to say it.
        However when I told him that I think we should separate, I also told him that I want him I to still see his children, but I will not be able to see him at all. He didn’t like that. Yet that was the point I felt like I was put in.
        One of my daughters said something to him yesterday, and that was you are at work dad all the time, but we don’t know what you do, who your with. We don’t know. She is only 9. Imagine how he felt hearing that from his 9yr old, who sees and hears all. He asked why is she interfering in adult conversations, I told him, she is looking out for me, she does not want to see me hurt anymore, or them hurt anymore. What you do impacts all if us. I guess something else for him to think about.

  11. Gizfield January 6, 2014 at 10:41 am #

    Strength, I would not change any numbers. I would not block this woman. I would not text, call, or email her. I would have my husband send her a registered letter that she is not to contact him, me, or our children in any way. If it continues the authorities well be contacted and appropriate charges filed. This crazy bitch needs to go. I think she is just trying to cause trouble and thinks you wont expose her due to family circumstances.

    • Strengthrequired January 6, 2014 at 1:23 pm #

      That’s a good idea giz, thanks for that.
      Tbh, I just don’t get it, what is wrong with this ow. You are exactly right, she does not have anything to lose being unattached. That’s why she is dangerous.
      At times I just feel like walking away from this, from my h, just so I don’t need to worry about what they do. Unfortunately, I don’t want to break my family, I don’t want my children to not have both of us, and I especially don’t want her ending up with my h, then having her spend time with my children.
      I also don’t want to hurt my h by walking away. Yet, my sanity gets played with, as if it a toy getting thrown around.

  12. Gizfield January 6, 2014 at 10:44 am #

    The “unattached” ones, who no one actually gives a shit what they do are especially heinous to get rid of, cause they have no relationship to try to preserve.

    • Strengthrequired January 8, 2014 at 4:30 pm #

      You are so right giz, the unattached are so hard to get rid of, they have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

  13. tryinghard January 6, 2014 at 11:03 am #

    That is BRILLIANT!!!! Great point. A registered letter is absolutely the right way to do it. I think she is using the family connection too but I think SR’s hubby might be a little intimidated by the family as well:/ The “ignoring” strategy worked in our case and was very hard for me because all I wanted to do was rip her face off, but clearly this isn’t working in SR’s situation. They need to take it to the next level officially and legally!

    • Strengthrequired January 6, 2014 at 1:28 pm #

      Your right th, he does get intimidated by his family. I don’t understand why they had such a huge affect on him, they are only aunts and cousins, looks as if her mum is still here too. I still believe she is using her mother to help her.
      I gave my h a list of all the people that tried to separate us throughout out time together. It would come close yo about 10. It gets tiresome.

  14. Gizfield January 6, 2014 at 11:13 am #

    Thank you, TH! A woman trying to mess with a family is just disgusting, I think.

    • Strengthrequired January 6, 2014 at 1:33 pm #

      Giz, I too think it’s disgusting. It’s sick and twisted. I worry so much about my children. Why he doesn’t just leave us alone, I don’t know. I want to protect my children, my family, but I worry it will all become just too much for me.
      Every time I think an end to this is coming, I find out it’s not, because the stupid b”tech doesn’t want to let go.

      • Strengthrequired January 6, 2014 at 5:58 pm #

        That was supposed to say why she doesn’t leave us alone I don’t know… Lol
        Of course I don’t want my husband to leave us alone…

  15. tryinghard January 6, 2014 at 1:47 pm #

    You know what? Your kids are going to be just fine because you are a kind loving mother who looks out for her children’s best interest. It’s time their father started doing the same. He needs to grow some nerve ( or whatever other word you would like to input here 🙂 and tell the crazy cousin and all the crazy family to butt out of your life. I’ve never been that close to my family that they could threaten my marriage so I really can’t relate. I can relate in the fact that my lid would have blown off ages ago and they or anyone else near them would have liked to hear what I had to say. All I’m saying SR is you have been through ENOUGH with your husband’s poor choices and allowing himself to be intimidated and manipulated by them. What’s the hold?? Does he owe them money or something because I’ve just NEVER heard of anything like this.

  16. Strengthrequired January 6, 2014 at 6:39 pm #

    You know th, after another deep and meaningful with my husband this morning, he knows she is no good. He has told her that she needs to be in a mental hospital. Lol. That was when he cut ties with her. He has told me that the attempts of contacting him has died down a lot. She no longer uses baby, or I love you etc in the messages, as well. So maybe it is working. He doesn’t respond to her, he just deletes the messages, when he sees them. He knows he dodged a bullet with her.
    After talking to him today, his family have no more hold over him. I actually believe him now.I believe he has lost respect for this family of hers.
    He met up with a friend of ours last night, one which we haven’t seen for many years. Her marriage has ended and her husband remarried a month after the divorce. She was married tot his man for 18 yrs, she was a wonderful wife and mother, she did whatever her husband wanted of her. When my husband was visiting her and her family, her youngest daughter came upto her and said “mummy, can you call daddy and tell him to come home, tell him you are sorry and that you want him back home. I want us to be all together again. She had to remind her daughter that she can’t because daddy has remarried.

    My husband is now seeing it from the outside looking in, and was so shocked by what he has heard and by the children. This husband was a friend of his from before I met my husband, he introduced the two of them. This poor woman has been through a lot, and now my husband can see the effect it has on her children that their daddy isn’t around, I think it helps that he truly sees the damage infidelity can cause a marriage, and family not just by what we went through, we are still recovering from the aftermath, at least I still have my h and he has me. Yet this poor woman has her exh playing the children against her. It’s sad, and has upset me greatly, yet in a way glad my husband sees it from the outside now, through others eyes.

    I believe his eyes have opened even more wider now more than ever. So I think we have turned a huge corner, yet I won’t close my eyes when it comes to the ow in my life, as she us a complete nutcase. What else can you call her, after she even changed her surname to match ours, doesn’t take no for an answer. Plain fruit loopy, nutcase.

    Ohhh and believe me, I’ve told him again, that he needs to send her a reminder that he does not want or love her, and that he does not want her in his life. I have a better choice of words, but trying to be somewhat dignified on here. Lol

    I just want yo thank you th and giz, you both are so great…. Hugs to you

    • Strengthrequired January 6, 2014 at 9:08 pm #

      I have spoken to my friend who my h saw last night, now this is something I needed to hear. She doesn’t know about what we went through, my h just told her that he went off track abut and it took him longer than what it should have to be ok. He told her that he put me through so much and he Is so very proud of me, for being there for him, after all he put me through.. He told her that his family is so very important to him and that for him now it’s all about his family and him, and that his family, wife and kids are everything to him.
      How sweet is that… That made me feel more comfortable, more at ease. I know he has said these things to me, but after such a huge blow, for him to say this to someone else apart from me is really nice to hear. Considering everybody he met in the early days of his affair, he kept telling them how wonderful the ow was and how Inlove he was with her. What a change, considering two years ago, I had only just found out.

  17. Gizfield January 7, 2014 at 1:20 am #

    Glad things are going better, Strength! You deserve it.

    • Strengthrequired January 7, 2014 at 2:30 am #

      Thank you giz. You know something else, he told her that he wants to stay as far away from family as he can get because it was them who almost tore him away from his wife and kids. He said the whole thing was just sooooo stupid stupid stupid. He said he almost lost his business, everything we have worked for because of these family members. He has no intention on letting anyone get between his family again, not relatives or anyone. He said to her that since he has stopped contact with these family members everything has been so much better.
      That has been so important for me to hear, not from him but from someone else because it shows me exactly what the kids and I really mean to him.
      So I guess I have finally turned a corner, we have finally turned a corner where this ow, is truly a thing of the past.
      I have been waiting for this, waiting for me to feel confident, that what he has told me is true, it is all her, he has stopped.

      • Tryinghard January 7, 2014 at 8:42 am #

        Good for you SR:). It does make a difference when you hear it from someone else. We hear what our husbands say but there’s always a little bit of doubt if they are just saying what we want to hear. I’m glad for you. Now cousin it needs to get the message and go away! Good going.

        • Strengthrequired January 7, 2014 at 4:13 pm #

          Thank you TH, it feels really good to finally feel like I’m not being lied to, the uncertainty is a terrible feeling.

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