When healing from infidelity, the first way to help minimize the pain is to not try to get rid of it, but to acknowledge it.
Recently Linda and I had a morning that didn’t start off too well. She was talking to me about an issue that was mentioned in the comments that upset her with respect to my emotional affair.
It was early in the morning, and I made the mistake of not thinking before I answered her, and made a comment that really upset her. She ended up crying and then leaving for work in a huff.
Later that morning we spoke about the incident, and the gist of it was that even though we are doing better than we ever have in our married life, and that I’m doing pretty much all the right things to rebuild the trust (though sometimes I screw up) and to make amends for my affair, there are still triggers that bring back thoughts and memories that cause Linda a tremendous amount of pain.
I thought this might be a subject you all could relate to, so I wanted to address healing from infidelity and how to get over the hurt.
Healing From Infidelity and Getting Over the Hurt
How one gets over the hurt depends on the individual and the dynamics of the affair. One of the problems you may face is that you still don’t understand why it happened, why your spouse did this. However, if you are open to forgiveness and you understand why it happened, you will probably move past the hurt sooner rather than later.
There is no easy way to get over something like this. You may never get over it, but you can learn to manage the pain and the huge sense of loss of that special part of your relationship.
Naturally, since we are going through this ourselves, I must call upon others who have more experience and knowledge in this arena. So I went to our old friend, Dr. Huizenga, author of the book, “Break Free From the Affair.”
Other ways to manage the pain…
One way to help get rid of the hurt is to learn all that you can about infidelity and surround yourself with support. Many of you come to this blog for those very reasons. If you have not been involved with the folks that comment on this blog yet, you are missing a wealth of information and support from people that are going through the same thing as you.
Dr. Huizenga also had an idea that I thought was a good one:
Another idea is to wholeheartedly throw yourself into something. If it is your job, you can advance your career while dealing with your issues. If it is a new hobby, you can learn a new skill or language while working through your pain.
If music is a hobby you enjoy, try putting on some soothing tunes to relax you and to slow the racing thoughts in your mind. Watching a mind-numbing but funny television show can also give your mind a chance to rest.
Pranayama, a breathing exercise, and yoga can also help you relax and clear your mind as you gain a stronger body. Meditation can also assist you in clearing your mind and living a happier life while strengthening and clearing your mind.
Of course, if all the other tactics fail, or if you are suffering from severe depression or thoughts of suicide, then you should seek professional help. A professional can help you deal with your inner pain and help you manage it better.
Some good advice…
Recently, a person who is healing from infidelity wrote to us and has a pretty decent perspective on getting over the hurt:
Please share your comments and/or experiences in the comment section below. Thanks!