Today we are honored to have Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach as a guest blogger. Dr. Huizenga has been a Marriage and Family Therapist and Psychotherapist, and has worked with hundreds of couples and thousands of individuals experiencing individual and marital problems (such as affairs). He is the author of “Break Free From the Affair”, which was one of the many resources that Linda read after she discovered my emotional affair with Tanya. We highly recommend that you check it out.
Dr. Huizenga writes:
Can a marriage be saved after the experience of infidelity? The ability of a marriage to survive depends on the type of affair. I’ve identified 7 unique forms of infidelity and for some the ability to save the marriage is much less than for others.
For some infidelity is a wake up call; it calls forth the coping powers of both, who respond well and a new marriage is created. Other marriages end in divorce court – infidelity destroying any remnants of trust and hope.
Different types of infidelity demand different strategies to confront the infidelity, stop the affair (if that is the goal) and heal in the aftermath.
There is no one cookie-cutter strategy that fits all affairs or forms of infidelity.
Infidelity hits to the core of how one thinks of him/her self. Infidelity is a powerfully destructive and life-altering event. One facing the onslaught of marital infidelity must know to accept its initial power and pain.
Also know the ravages of infidelity lasts for months, not weeks or hours. Hours and days of unproductivity, staring into space (attempting to reconciled the deeds of the cheating spouse) and moments of tears and fear characterize this tragedy.
The powerful impact of infidelity results primarily from the erosion of trust. The trust one had, in the other and in the capacity to read correctly one’s instinct, are called into question. The loss of trust is painfully felt and the rebuilding of the ability to trust one’s inner guidance is one of the first steps in breaking free from the affair.
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1 Response to "Facts You Need to Know About Infidelity"
Thank you for bringing this to light. Although, I did want to speak on one statement “the rebuilding of the ability to trust one’s inner guidance is one of the first steps in breaking free from the affair.” As he mentioned, every affair is different. I don’t believe every person’s trust in oneself is compromised. Most women’s gut/intuition is correct when assuming infidelity thus their trust in themselves to predict that there is adultery is justified. So, I don’t believe their trust in themselves is ever really lost. I think this trust that the have in their instinct and gut is what they will need to turn to in their recovery.
Of course, in some situations, where the person had no idea of the affair, then yes, I completely agree with this statement. Then yes, you would have to rebuild that trust in yourself.
Thank you for allowing me to share. 🙂