I saw the film Breakthrough with my 10-year-old. The film was very frightening to watch in several points.
When my (now 10-year-old) son was born, he was not breathing. The doctors rushed him off to the NICU before I could get a small glimpse of his face or hold his tiny, little hand.
That moment just about killed me. I was not allowed to be in the NICU while they aspirated fluid out of his tiny, little lungs and put tubes into his airway so that he could get oxygen.
The doctors refused to give me any hope whatsoever during those three days we spent in the hospital. My son was weak, shivered all the time, and struggled to breath. After many tests they believed that fluid in his lungs had done too much damage, since that was the only concrete thing they could find.
They feared seizures because he shook so much.
On day two in the middle of the night, when I was finally able to see him for the first time, the walk down the hall seemed to take forever. The sun had not yet come up. They took me to him and showed me how he shivered.
The nurse placed her hand on him and showed me it did no good to stop his shivering.
Then, I put my hand on my son for the first time. He stopped shivering immediately and opened his deep, blue eyes.
The nurses were astounded to see that all it took was a mother’s first touch to calm his little body and provide him with peace. I spent as much time as I could and went back to my hospital room.
As I walked back to my room, I noticed that it was a completely cloudless day, which was very rare for this time of year. We had hit the bleak, rainy part of the year two months prior and the sun had not come out in weeks.
I was on the top floor of a twenty-story hospital. The windows in this hospital were giant ovals and the view out of the windows was breathtaking.
I saw the sun starting to rise over a giant mountain that is so large it takes up the horizon. I had never seen such colors in the sky. The morning sky was deep purple, but that gave way to calm blue, and the blue gave way to bright pink and an even brighter gold.
From my vantage point, all I could see was the mountain and the colors in the sky that were so bright, they sky almost looked photo-shopped.
I looked out the window and thought, “This must have been what God saw when he created the land and the mountains. These colors must have been painted in the sky by God on that day of creation.”
Then I dropped to my knees and said to God, “God, if you can handle all of creation, I am putting my son in your hands. I have faith that you are a just God and would never take a son from a mother who already loves him more and cares for him more than for her own life.”
That was the day my son made a rapid turnaround.
Watching the movie Breakthrough with him was very visceral. I could understand the pain John’s mother must have felt when the doctors presented John’s lifeless body to her.
I can understand that moment where you fall on your knees and cry out to God because you love someone and the love you have for this person is selfless and larger than your love for yourself. That person’s well-being is more important than your own.