Your marriage is important. It dominates your thoughts and emotions. When your marriage is in good shape, the holidays are a wonderful time.
When your marriage is less than wonderful, the holidays can turn into a dreadful time. Instead of looking forward to time together, you worry and dread what time together may bring. Instead of creating memories that last a lifetime, the holidays bring horrors you cannot forget. The fights, lies and deceptions turn each get together into a boxing arena. You may find your hopes, dreams security and health crashing down around you.
Instead of being surrounded with loving family, enjoyable friends and good times, cheating turns it all into a nightmare for you. People you thought you knew can’t be trusted. Your family that you thought you had becomes a bad dream. You begin wondering if you can trust your so-called friends. The cheating turns everything it touches in your life to suspicion, hurt and blame.
Rather than suffer through the holidays, you can do something about it by attending our webinar “Don’t Let the HO-HO-HO’s Ruin Your Holiday” which you can sign up for now.
The gift-giving during the holidays often exposes cheaters in the act. Their lover wants gifts as well. Even if the affair is “over,” the holidays often bring memories of what happened and suddenly you are re-experiencing the pain all over again.
Each office party conjures old suspicions and fears. Like the ghost of Christmas past, you see the faces of the cheater or the lover in places you never imagined or wanted to. In such situations, you want to fast forward past the pain.
Instead of enjoying the holidays by a warm fire with your spouse, you’re left with a stocking filled with cold, lifeless chunks of coal. Being rejected or reminded of that rejection on the holidays drains all the joy from your life and the season.
This holiday season, give yourself the gift of hope and happiness. Rather than struggle with your painful memories, give yourself some hope. Rather than struggle with painful memories, do something to put them behind you. You don’t have to be blind-sided by cheating.
Sign up now and save your marriage.
This powerful webinar “Don’t let the Ho-Ho-Ho’s Ruin Your Holiday” will prepare you for the Holiday season by giving tools to deal with cheating and the Holidays.
“Don’t let the Ho-Ho-Ho’s Ruin Your Holiday” will provide instruction and directions to repair the most important relationship in your life.
You will learn:
- 10 ways of telling if the cheater is lying
- 10 signs that an affair is still going on
- How to confront the affair
- What are the holiday high-risk factors and what you can do about them.
- What are “triggers” of past pain and what you can do about them
If the affair is over or ending, “Don’t let the Ho-Ho-Ho’s Ruin Your Holiday” will give you the antidote to the Ghost of Christmas Past by explaining affair triggers and giving you ways to overcome them.
Learn how to deal with the Ho’s from the Ho of drinking, Ho’s from the past or the Ho that is ruining your Holiday. Marital affairs, whether one-night stands or workplace spouses do not go away with hopes and wishes. You need to take action. The webinar “Don’t let the Ho-Ho-Ho’s Ruin Your Holiday” is your path to start turning your Holiday around.
Please take a step towards dealing with and healing from infidelity during the Holidays by registering for this FREE webinar that we are conducting together with Jeff Murrah, LPC on December 8th at 7:00 PM ET.
Please register today by completing the form below, as there are a limited number of seats available for this event.
If for some reason you cannot attend, please register anyway and we will provide you with the link to the recording shortly after the webinar.
17 replies to "Don’t let the Ho-Ho-Ho’s Ruin Your Holiday"
Wow, that describes my last year holidays exactly. These holidays are gonna be rough for a couple of years. With the damage she caused last year. D-day is coming just around the corner, next monday.
She hasn’t followed through on what she said she would. So I guess that’s just the way its gonna be.
Michael, It’s a tough time of year for sure. Linda experienced a “trigger” couple of days over Thanksgiving. Be sure to register even if you can’t make it and you can listen to the webinar at a later date. We will probably get it transcribed into a pdf format so you can read it if you prefer, but you need to register.
Doug did you ever give Tanya any sort of gifts for any reason?
Mil, No I did not. Nor did I receive any.
What do you think about this one Doug? When I confronted the OW by phone she took great joy in telling me that it wasn’t the first time my H had done ‘this sort of thing’. This brought back to mind an incident in 2001 when I found a bill for a purchase from Tiffany&Co and he said he had bought a celtic cross pendant for a colleague who was upset at having had her bag stolen containing such a necklace which she was upset at losing (how very kind for £65).
When the OW mentioned, I rang Tiffany and managed to learn that it was infact a HEART pendant ordered on Valentines day 2001. My H insists it was just a gift as she was upset over drink/drugs problems and told him her problems (she was also secretary on a committee he chaired). He said if it had been a Valentines gift he would have ordered it before the day so it would arrive in time and that he just saw it in a magazine ad and thought it would ‘cheer her up’ but didn’t dare tell me at the time as I am a very jealous type and would have gone mad.
Come to think of it, I now remember him telling me at the time I found the bill and he confessed to buying ‘a necklace’ that he also said he bought her a blow up toy male doll as a ‘joke’ at the Christmas as she didn’t have a boyfriend to spend Christmas with.
In a way, this heart thing with the colleague 9 years ago has now turned into as bad if not worse an issue as the latest OW and worse still all traces of evidence are long gone.
I know this makes my H sound like a serial cheat but everything he says is so plausible and ‘sincere’. From your point of view do you think I’m being made a complete fool of?
Mil, I think that the word “fool” is too harsh. I do think that he isn’t telling you the truth though. Now there may not be anything of substance behind the relationship with the woman 9 years ago, but giving a necklace and a blow up doll would suggest that he may have had some feelings for her–maybe a “crush” of sorts. Perhaps the woman did not reciprocate the feelings, but buying a gift for some other woman is not appropriate in my opinion, unless he cleared it with you first.
Sorry Doug to sound like I’m having a ‘go’ but because you have set yourself up as an advisor to us all we tend to believe what you say. You told me that you and Tanya did not exchange gifts but knowing that it would hurt Linda so much, how do we or she know that’s the truth??
You say you have told Linda everything? How do we or she know?
I wonder what would happen if you asked Tanya to contribute to your site as the OW and give her point of view as other OPs have dne?
Just a thought.
Mil, I understand where you are coming from, but Linda and I have discussed every detail of my affair, and I have no reason not to admit something like gift giving. Unless you consider buying Tanya lunch every now and then a gift–which Linda certainly knows about. Not to have a “go” with you, but you can choose to believe whatever you want, but the only one who matters to me is what Linda thinks, and she believes I’m telling the truth, and I certainly don’t have any reason to lie to any of our readers. I have been more than open and honest on here and intend on continuing to be for the good of the cause.
I really don’t think that having Tanya contribute would be a very good idea at all. Why would I want her back in my life in any fashion? I have more than enough to handle with Linda–and that’s a good thing 😉
MIL – LOL. I felt the same as I hoped to have found on this site some OM/WS who may give insight, but it’s been mostly the OW/BS who have commented. I am not saying Doug is not sincere, but it does make you wonder. I have to think there has been full transparency in their relationship to move on and to be as successful as it’s been.
I have given and received gifts during my EA for Christmas, Birthdays, Valentine’s day, Easter, Halloween, and our “Anniversary.” And sometimes just because. The OM would wait for me at my office with breakfast or coffee some mornings if he was in the area.
I did the same for my H.
Jessica, there is full transparency on a daily basis and sometimes, to be quite honest, it doesn’t do Linda any good. When she asks me a question and I answer it honestly, it sometimes gets her all upset. That’s why I think in many ways, a betrayed spouse needs to really ask themselves if they want or need to know all the details. What good does it do in the long run? Just my opinion.
I wish there were more OM/WS on here as well sometimes, as I feel it’s important for the betrayed spouse to understand the mindset through the words of a variety of people. Plus it takes the heat off of me a bit! 😉
Haha that’s what my H says…I am more than enough for him. I probs am BUT HE STILL NEEDED HER!!!!! Oh Doug I am sooooo confused……I am believing what YOU say but not my own H. You say Linda ‘believes’ you are telling the truth. In all honesty how does she know? How does she actually know, for example, it didn’t turn physical. Mind you, as I sit here and type this, does it really matter? We were cheated on and at the end of the day are we all clinging on to the straws that it didn’t become physical (or are we??). BIG WOW, so sex texting and emotional togetherness is OK??
Mil, almost 2 years ago, Linda gave me every opportunity to tell her if it got physical or not, even so much as saying that I couldn’t hurt her anymore than I already had, and that it didn’t matter if I had been physical. Though the physical part is a big deal and matters to most, I feel the focus (at least at our stage in the recovery process) should be how to continue to strengthen our marriage and for Linda to get completely over the hurt somehow, not necessarily focusing on the past and every bloody detail (that’s my English accent for you).
As I’ve thought through my own situation, I’ve come to realize that depending on your point of view, not only am I the cheating spouse, but to someone else I would be the OM as the OW was in a relationship. I tried to think through what I’ve learned on the site from her perspective – trying to better understand how and why she was cheating too. Not sure I have any answers, other than I’m glad she had more sense than I did.
Maybe to take ‘”the heat” off Doug a bit, I did buy the OW a couple of gifts. The week after we “met” for the first time, I sent her flowers. A month or two later, I happened to be talking to her while I was at Target and she mentioned she was shopping at a Target near her and they were out of a sweater she wanted. I checked and they had it at the one I was at so I bought it for her.
Inthemiddleofit, how are you doing? Are you out of the fog yet? What did you decide about your marriage? I am sorry if I missed those posts (if you already answered those questions).
Thanks for asking Last2Know – You didn’t miss a big decision post. I am doing ok. Out of the fog for the most part – in the middle of withdrawal I believe. I did post a few times about how hard that’s been – so much like an addiction.
What did I decide? Well, as I started posting on this site, the relationship with the OW was in the process of cooling off considerably – from her side. She had basically called it off, which effectively ended it. To be truthful, I was at the point where I wanted to be with her. Now that my head is a little clearer, I’m thankful she didn’t say yes to that.
Even though all the cells in my brain tell me that it’s good its over – for MANY reasons, I’m still somewhat depressed about it ending. I am definitely going through withdrawal. Lots of triggers – remembering conversations, comments, etc. I had made a comment that ending an affair is easy compared to getting over it.
So I’ve been trying to incorporate some of the things that I enjoyed in the affair with my wife, like texting. I’ve also realized that some of the things I liked about the OW I just am not going to get my from W – she’s just not built that way. But I’ve been trying to do more around the house, be more attentive, talk more, etc. Things have been getting better… And no, I haven’t told her.
I will say this – knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t having started the affair. And I’m not having to go through seeing all the pain I caused my W! Factoring that in, getting into an affair would have to rank as one of the stupidest things someone can do.
BTW, someone commented on this site about how someone could love their spouse and still have an affair. Speaking from my personal experience, my affair wasn’t to get back at my W. It was because I was getting something I felt I wasn’t getting at home. In my humble opinion, people don’t start affairs to get back at their spouse, they’re started to fill a gap in something that person needs (or thinks they need). I am not justifying the action – as many people have stated, if you’re not getting what you need, either work at fixing it or get out. I’m just saying that how my W would feel if she ever found out never crossed my mind.
My H bought plenty of gifts for his AP. I truly wish I hadn’t found the receipts, didn’t know what stores or what item as this has made it hard for me to walk by those stores or receive gifts from him. Triggers may just be the worst part once you move beyond the betrayal. I regret my need to know personality because Doug is correct when he says that there has been nothing positive in the knowledge, just pain. He is totally stressing about what he can buy me and where..