There was a time when I frequently asked myself, “Will I ever feel normal again?” I think that it’s a question that most all betrayed spouses ask themselves at some point.
Recently Sara wrote a post that mentioned the term “New Normal,” and I had to agree that our relationship now is very good, but different. It is our new normal. I imagine that many of you feel the same way.
For any of us who have experienced the pain of an affair, our lives go through a total transformation and normalcy appears to be something that we will never feel again. “Feeling Normal” is quite a subjective concept and there is no exact time-frame for when someone can be completely at peace with something as traumatic as infidelity.
The affair victim has experienced an immense emotional roller coaster ride since D-day. One day we love our spouses and want nothing more than to return to normalcy, and the next day we feel like shoving our spouse in front of a moving train. You want to trust them again. You want to believe all the promises.
Though many of the stories of how infidelity has impacted us are similar, in truth we are all affected a little differently. We as individuals and our marriages will have various outcomes over time which cannot be foreseen at any given moment. Some marriages will emerge stronger while others will certainly disintegrate.
How we handle and cope with the affair will dictate our “new normal” and how long it takes to achieve it.
But what exactly is “normal?”
I found this online and thought it was good:
“Normal is being able to function without intruding thoughts, nightmares and untold anxiety. Normal is when you can sleep again the whole night through. Normal is when you don’t want to keep checking phone records, bank and credit card statements and when you don’t feel sick to the stomach when these come in.
Normal is when you can watch a movie about a betrayal of some sort through to the end. Or when you can finish your sentences remembering what you were saying and can complete a proper conversation. Or you can hear a song on the radio and not end up in tears.
Normal is when they say they are working late and you don’t give it a second thought or when you are apart for a day or a weekend and you know they are thinking of you and not with another or phoning another or texting another. Normal is when your partner tells the truth and you know it.”
For this week’s discussion, let’s talk about your new normal…
How long ago was your D-day and what is your new normal at this point?
What are you doing to stay strong, to cope and to help you feel somewhat normal again?
What has to happen yet for you to achieve some sense of normalcy?
If you are fortunate enough to have achieved some normalcy, how did that happen?
Please remember to respond to one another in the comment section.
Linda & Doug[wlsp_signup]