As our discussion this week we wanted to report back to you the result of our healing from infidelity survey that we conducted the other day.
I can’t really say that the results were surprising as it seems that rebuilding trust is always the number one issue that folks have. What was a bit surprising to me is that only 24.9% of you thought that negotiating and redesigning your relationship was the most important element. Perhaps that indicates that most of you are not quite to that point yet in your affair recovery and healing process. Thoughts??
We asked the following question:
What is the most important element(s) that you require to help you with healing from infidelity?
And here are the results:
Rebuilding trust 71.7%
Better communication about the affair and/or relationship 53.7%
Dealing with your own obsessing about the affair 51.7%
Getting the cheater to put the required work in to help healing 49.3%
Reconnecting on an emotional and intimate level 43.9%
Negotiating and redesigning your relationship 24.9%
Guidance about divorce and/or separation 3.9%
Other elements that were mentioned:
- Re-establishing self-esteem and self-worth
- Getting the cheater to stop lying
- Rediscovering and rebuilding oneself
- Obsessive thoughts of the cheater and the affair partner together
- Needing time to process the events of the affair
- How to reconnect when emotionally your heart and soul have died
- Getting the affair partner to stay out of the picture
- Dealing with spouse’s obsessing about the affair partner
- Getting the cheater to come clean and admit to what he/she did
- For the cheater to be transparent and honest and putting the effort into improving the relationship
- Seeing true remorse and sorrow in the cheater
- Leaving the past behind
- Mourning everything you had before the affair
- Learning how to process, then grieve, then move away from the triggers
- Arriving at some decision about what direction we are going after 16 months of limbo
For discussion purposes we can also try and offer some advice or comment on some of these additional issues that people are struggling with.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to take the survey and for all of you who offer such wonderful comments and words of wisdom! We know that people appreciate it and benefit a great deal.
Linda & Doug