Well, I’d be lying if I told you that it’s good to be back from our vacation.  In case anybody cares, we had a wonderful time.  We tent camped the entire week and managed to work in some other outdoor activities that were both enjoyable and somewhat challenging.   We also took a much needed break from computers, televisions and cell phones.

Though mentally feeling refreshed, I must admit that physically I’m a little sore and tired.  I’m pretty sure that Linda and the kids feel the same way.

When we go away, typically we are able to let go of our everyday troubles and are quite happy and carefree.  Nothing seems to bother us.  There are no arguments other than the normal little back and forth banter about what we should have for dinner or whether or not we want to ride bikes or hike instead.

Then on the long drive home Monday, I started to notice a shift in my demeanor.  Instead of laughing and talking with my family and with anyone else who would listen, I found myself getting pissed off at inept drivers and slowpoke truckers who were impeding my homeward journey.  Perhaps subconsciously I was shifting from vacation mode to having to go back to work mode – and I wasn’t happy about it.

To further my transformation back to “normalcy,” I went to the grocery store to get a few items to stock our depleted refrigerator, and noticed that everyone just looked and acted like they were pissed off.  Now granted, the grocery store isn’t everyone’s idea of a fun time, but it just seemed like there wasn’t any happiness anywhere.

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In one instance, I was stuck behind two very slow moving ladies so I very quickly steered my cart to my left and passed them in the aisle.  By doing so, I made a lady who was in one of those scooter carts stop for perhaps a second to let me slide by (though she didn’t really need to because there was about 15 feet of room to spare).  By the glare she gave me and the way that she shook her head, you would have thought I was walking through the store naked.  I thought again to myself that this person was not a happy person.

The culmination of these instances gave me the idea for the discussion topic for this week.  And actually, it’s also a combination of a couple of forum discussions that we have had recently (Thanks to Jim and LOAF).

For the time being, forget the affair…

 As “Jim” put it in his forum post…Put it aside and “consider the day to day things, the little things,  that make you happy.”  What are they?  Please tell us in the comment section.

The second part to this week’s discussion is about being positive.  And this isn’t so much a discussion topic as it is a challenge.

Now, I realize that it can be difficult in light of what you may be going through, but perhaps we all can make a conscious effort to focus on the positives in life.  Then maybe for those of you who accept the challenge (or have already done so) can report back on how their week went.

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To follow the lead of “livingonafence” (LOAF) as she eloquently said:

I’ve consciously decided to have a ‘positive’ week. No being negative, no holding grudges, no pity parties where I’m the guest of honor. This week I’m going to put a positive spin on everything. I’m going to give being a ‘happy’ person a shot for the week. I’m going to actually look at my surroundings and appreciate them. I’m going to get things done, things I’ve been neglecting for a very long time. I’m going to do these things not because they need to get done but because having them done will be a good thing. I’m going to really try to enjoy my life, and I’m sure I’ll be successful. If we start each day with a chip on our shoulder, it will only grow. So I’m knocking that chip off and I’m going to be appreciative of the things that are good in my life instead of letting the things I don’t like dictate my mood.

So that’s it.  Anybody in?

Have a great rest of the week!

Linda & Doug


    26 replies to "Discussion – Things That Make You Happy and Being Positive"

    • Surviving

      I love this topic and for today I’m going to be positive. I sent my H a nice message , he sent one back, so today no matter what and who try’s to be negative I will be positive.

    • exercisegrace

      Count me in too! I think this is a great idea.

    • Gizfield

      My favorite thing in the world is spending time with my husband and eight year old daughter as a family. We have been watching the Olympics a lot, and we are all really silly. I really can’t imagine that any time he spent with any other woman could be as special to him as the time we spend together. Haha, last week a mutual friend who I have known about a year said “you two are like the Perfect Couple.” I asked why she thought that. She said”you are so cute together, always smiling at each other, and kissing. He talks about you all the time when you aren’t around.” I was really surprised to think he talks about me to other people. He really is a sweet guy and I love him with all my heart.

    • livingonafence

      I’m in – again.

      I liked the grocery store stories. My H and I go to the store together a lot, and we always have fun. We just look at all the crazy stuff in the store, the people there, the people that work there, and we just make each other giggle. We aren’t making fun of anyone – we’ll just start saying what they’re buying and why, and end up with a complete story about the person’s life.

      I’ll give another week a go. The first one went very well. Let’s see what week two brings!

      • Doug

        One of the things that Linda and I enjoy when we’re out is to just people watch. You can see some amazingly stupid, silly, outrageous stuff sometimes. It is indeed fun.

        Perhaps if you have the time you can share with others the what’s, why’s and how’s of your first week of being positive.

        • livingonafence

          It was a good week, for sure. Spent a night just hanging out talking – no EA talk, just fun stuff. It was really one of the best nights I’ve had in so long. I started by asking him about a bike he had as a kid. The next thing you know, we’re trading funny stories and laughing like teenagers.

          I was successful at pushing most thoughts out of my head and really thinking of great things about my life. Something happened on the last day – I’ll copy and paste that one. Overall, it was a very good week.

          • livingonafence

            My post about an event on the last day of ‘positive week’:

            I had a good week. I did have a set back yesterday. I was cleaning out the nightstand drawer – you know, that drawer with things you’ll never need but put there anyway? Yeah, that one. In it I found a note that read:

            I did the best with what I had. Sorry baby. I love you. Hubby

            My heart about stopped. I knew what it was. When my H cheated I was laid up in bed after knee surgery. He would bring me a cooler with yogurt, cereal, fruit, coffee in thermal cup, whatever. Something for breakfast so I could eat and then inch my way to the end of the bed and start my home therapy exercises. The note was telling me he needed to go shopping so it was a mix of whatever we had in the house.

            The problem? I now know he would spend the night talking to her or chatting on FB and then when he was done he’d pack me a bag of food. He called her baby – that was his ‘pet’ name for her, and me. I thought he was being so sweet (how stupid) because I was ignoring the fact that I saw him for maybe 20 minutes a day. I was completely alone. I commented on it, but I think my mind wouldn’t let me see how awful it was. I had enough to deal with wondering if my knee would ever be ok.

            So the note sent me back in time instantly. Seeing him call me baby, seeing the note I once thought so sweet, being reminded of being left food and being alone when he had hours a day to spend on her, all of it came rushing back.

            BUT, it’s positive week. So what did I do? I took a very deep breath, closed my eyes for a minute, threw the note in my trash bag, tied it up immediately and walked it out to the dumpster. It wasn’t full, and it should have just gone in the kitchen trash but I wanted it out of the house. On the way back to the house, I wouldn’t let my thoughts move from the other night when we sat and talked for an hour. I came inside, hubby asked why I brought that outside, I lied (yes, I did!) and said I had picked up cat puke and it smelled really bad, and then went back upstairs to finish my cleaning project.

            I never mentioned it to hubby. I knew it wouldn’t do anything but start a conversation I didn’t want to have and it would only make him feel bad. This wasn’t new information that he should share with me, and we’ve talked at least 2 dozen times about my thoughts on him leaving me those notes, calling us the same name, etc. There was nothing to gain by saying anything. Is this the same as a CS lying because there’s nothing good that will come from the truth? No, not even close. We’ve talked about this. We’ve discussed it to death. It’s one of the things that has driven me mad thinking about how anyone can be so sleazy. No, bringing this up would have been nothing more than a venue for me to get on my high horse, look down on him, make him feel horrible and ruin the day (or weekend). I decided not to. Not for him so much as for me. It was my note, and I didn’t want to talk about it.

            To me, that’s about as positive as it gets!

      • Battleborn

        LOAF, This is why you and I can see eye-to-eye, I just love people-watching. Everywhere I go it is amazing to see the stupid stuff people do or buy. I guess to them it isn’t stupid, but you have to wonder why someone would shoes that don’t fit because they look cool… yes, I have seen that.

        The places I enjoy the most is at Busch Gardens or Hershey Park and Disneyland/World. I don’t go on the rides so I have time to watch people come off the rides. What a hilarious time. They all say the ride was horrible but yet they want to go back on it.

        The thing that I enjoy most is my genealogy. I do indexing for them and it is really neat to read some of the old archived papers such as the people who came over to America from other countries back in the 1800’s. Plus I am perhaps helping others find their ancestors. Too cool.

    • DJ

      My story is not about fun and games, but is still a positive thing that my husband and I share. We are taking classes in martial arts. Well, I went on a trip during my summer break, and then he had to go on a business trip, so we had to teach each other the stuff we’d each missed while away. We enjoyed the time together and really enjoyed watching each other work out. It gives me a feeling of pride and admiration to see his dedication and enthusiasm, and his tight buns, too! So after reading this today, I called him and told him we should keep practicing outside of class together. He agreed. Tonight’s the first night – it has me smiling just to think of it!

      • Doug

        Hey DJ, nice to hear from you! So can you kick his butt yet?

        • DJ

          Hey Doug – it’s good to be back into my routine, and nice to find something positive to think about here!

          Kick his butt? That would be fun… just kidding. We actually have been paired up by our school’s master for demo sparring. The master says we are an even pairing. It’s all rehearsed, but for me personally, it really does help in venting out all my frustrations. The master usually uses me as the aggressor. Think he senses something? LOL!

          • Doug

            That sounds like fun. I took Tae Kwon Do for a bit when I was younger and it was pretty cool. Linda mentioned the other day about taking a self-defense class, so perhaps that might be a good thing for us to do together as well.

    • tsd

      Well I know if you think back on your vacations and not the return to reality, you’ll realize…you had a great time….take those positive memories and let go of rest of the grocery stories….pooh on them….

      And yes, I was with LoAf first time she posted positive week….I hope rather than looking at the timeline of seven days, we continue this positivity for as long as we can….winner gets a Doug book or a Doug EA t shirt hahahaha (you have those right?) so I want a book!!!!! I’ve been positive since she began it…now I’m in for Doug’s blog…today I helped someone with car load of stuff, I returned Walmart carts with a smile, and I washed my teenage kids clothes which they normally do…I also wrote letters to my kids for when they get to college this week…so I’m in the positive spirit…in terms of husband, I am letting go of the crap that bothers me big time. I tell him thank you for putting up with my messy house due to shipping kids off, and I’m not harping on anything…I’m focusing on others, and smiling for me….so do you need my address for the book or what?????

      • Doug

        TSD, LOL!! Impressive positivity! Give me your address and I’ll ship you one of my finest vintage t-shirts. Holes and sweat stains no extra charge! Seriously though…that is great stuff. Keep it up!

        • tsd

          Uh, I’m rethinking the thirst thing….

          • tsd

            TShirt thing not thirst…omg….moving two kids into colleges has wiped me out….

    • Recovering

      Positive…. well, the hubs is starting the new job AWAY from the whore who returned… starts TOMORROW!!! THAT is a positive!! Hoping that will get us back to where we were the beginning of June before we found out she MIGHT be returning to the company! Regardless, he is taking a lateral move and leaving a big promotion to get away from the slut… bonus for confirming he wants US to work! Holding on to that one BIG TIME!!! :+)

    • Hopeful

      Maybe I am up for simpler things right now.

      Actually, in my case, getting work done again is great (as opposed to googling the OW or obsessing or feeling depressed).

      Sharing a cupcake with my H indulgently while watching the Olympics.

      Picking beans from the garden.

      Enjoying a foot massage.

      Feeling my baby kick.

    • Patsy50

      I guess the things that have made me feel happy for one is making time for fun with my husband which includes taking vacations, going to the movies having family get togethers, meeting my husband for lunch and dinner dates during the week, also keeping the emotional side strong. I send him — Quote for today emails during the week and it could be about love, marriage and life in general and to let him know how much I love and appreciate him. For me there isn’t a need to focus on the EA anymore. My husband lets me know, in many ways how much he loves me everyday and for not giving up on him and giving him a second chance, so that’s a positive. Life can get very busy but as long as you can stop, take a deep breath, laugh and have fun together it creates a stronger bond.

    • Lily

      This is my first post. I found out just over 2 months ago of my husband’s EA that lasted almost a year, and during most of my pregnancy with our 3rd child. I do not have a lot of positive thoughts yet. Still a lot of hurt and anger. He just returned to work yesterday for the first time since I found out. OW works there too. Before finding out of the EA we had planned to take the kids to Disney, and although it was iffy if he was going to still join us, we decided for the kids to go as a family, leave everything at home and have fun. And that we did, I felt like almost the whole thing was just a horrible nightmare. But nearing the end of the week, as our plane approached home, I felt reality rush back. Also bc I knew he was headed back to work where she was in a few days. So although Im not 100% sure I can keep all my negative thoughts and feelings away for a whole week at this point as I’m extremely anxious about him being around her again at work, I’ll work on 1 day at a time… baby steps right?

      • Doug

        Hi Lily, Thanks for sharing and I’m sorry for what you’re going through. The fact that you can make a positive comment so soon after Dday tells me that you’re a strong person. Stay strong, take care of yourself and try to learn as much as you can by reading books, this site and the comments by others that have been where you are now. Best of luck!

    • Lissa

      I am a little late to this thread but I really like this approach and it has saved me from very dark times over the last 7 months.

      At the start of this year I discovered that my husband was having an EA and it completely deverstated me. I realised things were not right for a couple of months as I struggled with a demanding job and young kids but nothing prepared me for what I found when I went looking for answers. Anyway there have been some very tough times when I just felt overwhelmed by grief at what I had lost but I soon realised this was not helping.

      Every day I now make an effort to appreciate the good things in life and started a blog to note it all down. No matter what is happening in your life you should find 3 nothing’s each day that have made you smile. For me this can be listening to some music I havent listened to for years (my favourite at the moment is the beastie boys – unlikely choice but it reminds me of being at university and good times!), playing football in the park with my kids, dancing around the room with my daughter to cheesy pop music, smiling at a grumpy person in the street… Basically anything that makes me smile.

      This is not about pretending you are happy and ignoring the bad stuff it’s just about appreciating that not everything is bad – the more you look for the good stuff the more that comes. I have also found its a really attractive feature as all my relationships have got better as I have got happier.

    • Doug

      Hey guys, It’s been a week since this ‘happy and positive’ challenge was posted. Does anyone have some good stuff to share from their week of positivity and happiness?

    • Gizfield

      I had a good time this week, especially the weekend. We have a neighborhood Festival where I live and my daughter entered the art contest so I took her to the reception Friday night, which she loved. Saturday she went to the Fair with one of her friends and my husband and I went to the Festival. Sunday, we all went to a state park and had fun wading in the river. Out to eat afterwards. Watched the Olympics a lot. Felt a little detached from my husband on our “date” but it can be a little difficult acting like you just met when you’ ve been with someone 12 years, just saying…

    • Gizfield

      The date I mentioned was to a nice seafood restaurant, it was fun but I usually have more fun when we have our daughter with us, lol. I am just not the lovey dovey date type.

    • kelbelly

      Ok, I am going to have a Wife as well as a Mom brag here for a moment. Our son plays baseball and last week, his team one our regional play offs and now they are going to the Babe Ruth World series :O)

      After we returned home, it was hard to not let those thoughts creep back in my mind but I thought to myself, nope, not now! I want to enjoy this moment and not dirty it with bad thoughts. I knew I had to get many things ready for us to go so instead of keeping quiet and trying to be super woman, I told my husband what we needed to have done before we left and he has stepped up to the plate to help get things ready.
      We have worked as a team and have had fun doing so, even having a few laughs along the way which has felt good after not hearing it in our home for so long. We leave on Friday for a week and I plan on it being a fun filled time for our family with no room for the dark thoughts.

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