Good Wednesday everyone.
Well I’ve certainly had it easy the last two weeks when it comes to discussion topics!
Once again our discussion this week was recommended by one of our loyal readers. This time it was suggested by ‘ChangedForever.’
She wanted to pose the following question…
What rights does a cheater have…after the affair is exposed?
She was thinking along the lines of how it relates to what no longer can happen in the relationship, nor can occur relative to pre-affair life now that a couple is in post affair recovery.
In Dave Carder’s book, “Torn Asunder” he discusses the Four Rules in Rebuilding Trust:
- No surprises….ever, never (surprises now equate to trauma).
- Inform prior to the fact…NO last minute changes…ever!
- Keep your word! Be where you need to be, keep deadlines, do what you say you will do, no matter how simple!
- No keeping secrets…ever! No guardedness, no hiding.
These rules replace the rights of the cheater. These rules not only rebuild trust…they maintain it. The cheater may think “There is no slack,” or “I have to be perfect.” But as Carder says … “That’s just the way it is.”
Rights were a given and trust was shattered so now, rules apply to right the wrongs that were done when ‘rights’ were abused…..
Thanks again for your discussion suggestion ‘ChangedForever!’
And thanks to everyone as well for all the wonderful contributions.
Linda & Doug