It’s been several months since we have had a discussion on the blog about sex after an affair. We’d like to get your updated views on this subject as it relates to your own situation.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, author of “Break Free From the Affair” says
“…usually there is a very high level of sexual intensity between husband and wife. The affair stirs up sexual intensity and sexual feelings. Often both have a strong desire to engage in sex, and some people say that sex is better now than it’s ever been.”
He goes on to say:
“If you enjoy sex, it’s mutual and you’re having a great time, then there’s nothing wrong with sexual activity.”
We thought that it would be interesting and perhaps a good learning experience to get an idea of how our reader’s sex life has transformed during certain stages of your relationship from just prior to discovery of the affair, to well after.
Let’s first set the general stages from which to compare. If you haven’t made it through all of these stages, that’s okay. Just respond based on your own situation:
Stage 1: The weeks prior to discovery of the affair (or when you suspected the affair started). In other words, the time before there was no affair going on.
Stage 2: The time when the affair was going on.
Stage 3: After discovery of the affair and either the affair came to an end or it continued.
Stage 4: The weeks immediately following the end of the affair.
Stage 5: Long term after the end of the affair – perhaps several months to years after.
Obviously, we don’t need to necessarily know all of your intimate details. (Though it could make things more interesting.) You don’t even need to necessarily follow the stages above. If you’d rather, just provide a general idea of how your sex life has transformed from prior to, during, and after the affair.
Factors to consider:
- Initiating sex
- Performance issues
- Having intrusive thoughts during sex
- Thinking that you are/were undesirable
- Changes in usual sexual patterns and/or techniques
- Other factors I can’t think of…
Please remember to respond to each other in the comments.
Thanks for your input!
Linda & Doug