It’s hard to believe it’s been so long, but over 3 years ago I wrote a post about how proud I was of Doug for the things he was doing and how he was growing as a person at the time.
Yes, he had screwed up royally and I was still struggling at the time, but he was trying to turn things around.
So often we bash our spouse’s for their affairs and what they may or may not be doing after the fact. Yes, we are certainly justified in doing so. However, oftentimes our unfaithful spouses are trying their hardest to help us in our recovery and healing. Sure they make mistakes – sometimes very stupid mistakes – but they are trying, and we don’t always give them credit for doing so.
It’s tough sometimes to look at the positive things they are doing since it was their thoughtless, selfish actions that created our pain and suffering in the first place. And sometimes the positive steps that are being made are so miniscule we barely notice them and are left wondering how long this whole recovery thing is going to take and whether or not we will ever get over it. It is those times that we realize that recovering from an affair is indeed a marathon, yet there are baby steps that are being taken towards healing. Believe it or not, those baby steps are a good thing.
This week for our discussion, I’d like to challenge you to consider the positive steps that your spouse is taking towards affair recovery, healing and/or personal reflection and growth – regardless of how small they may be – and let us know what they are (or were) and how you are proud of them for what they are doing – or have done. (Be sure to read this post first.)
I realize that not everyone will be experiencing this so if you feel that your spouse is not doing anything that is worthy of you being proud, let us know what he/she can do to turn that around for you.
If you’re the unfaithful, I’m sure you are well aware of the fallout that your affair has caused and I know there must be some things that make you proud of your spouse as well. This is the hardest thing that your spouse has ever endured and he/she has handled this as best as they can. So please share with us how you are proud of him/her.
Thank you very much!
Linda & Doug
[wlsp_signup]
LINESPACE
6 replies to "Discussion – How are You Proud of Your Spouse?"
Ok, this one is easy for me. I didn’t even read most of the post cause I’m still half asleep, lol. I am most proud of my husband when he mans up and acts like a REAL FATHER. Not the guy who acted like he always had better things to do when an event or something came up. Like pursuing some nasty skank, or yapping on the phone for hours about NOTHING . When he was excluded from the family, he found out just how important it really was. I personally believe that if both partners in a marriage make the FAMILY their priority, in the right way, most marriage problems will correct themselves. I saw this in my family and extended family so I know it works.
I am very proud of my husband, first for having the guts to even tell me about his EA.
I am sure it wasn’t an easy thing to do knowing he could lose everything, me and family.
I am proud of my husband for being committed to working on our marriage with me and making changes where they were needed. And keeping me focused when I wanted to give up because it was easier then to deal with all the ups and downs and pain of it all.
I am proud of my husband today. He is loving, caring, a great friend, lover, father and grandfather, who made a wrong choice, asked for another chance, and I am glad to have given that to him.
I am proud of my husband for actually LIVING what he says now… that I am the most important thing in his life! He goes out of his way to make sure I have access to his phone, emails, texts, etc, even though I don’t even look at them anymore… okay, I do OCCASSIONALLY! ;+) I am proud of him for showing me that he DOES want to be with ME and isn’t here for the kids. He is getting WAY better at communicating his needs to me in a way I can understand them, and he has set his own boundaries without me having to say anything – mostly anyway… I am proud of him for supporting me through all of my craziness. He could’ve left but didn’t, and chose to stay and face what he did to us and face who he had become. I sincerely hope that it all REALLY is sticking, and that we will never again be complacent in our relationship and that he can be the man I deserve FOREVER. I really do love him after all… he was just a coward and selfish and sick for a while… am hoping he is ‘cured’ of all of that!!
Thanks for this. I think that sometimes I can get too hung up on the things that are not perfect. The fact that he still is not the best communicator and rarely initiates a conversation about his EA. On the flip side…he has done so very much right. He also has put up with some craziness from me. I really did feel like a crazy person for awhile. He has read every scrap of everything I have given him. He has answered every question…even if I was asking it for the 20th time. He is completely transparent…all passwords including work emails and informs me every time he needs to change the work password (every 45 days). He is in constant contact with me….many phone calls, texts, emails during the day. Anytime he leaves his office to go anywhere he calls me. This is not so much that I have asked him to…..I just think he knows that it makes me feel good. It has taken more than two years and I am just beginning to feel that maybe I can believe him and there is no way this will ever happen again. Not 100% there yet but I have hope for that.
To comment on a positive post (just reading comments that no one posts on the positive posts….) my h has not given up on me. He has by no means taken the blame for my horrendous actions but he has admitted to his part In The breakdown of our marriage. He has worked so hard to become a new man and does not want to be the person he once was. He very rarely uses the affair as a weapon against me and has been an amazing support during my low times ( pretty amazing since I brought them on myself). He has reinvented himself and has become an amazing father – and basically a perfect husband. I still need a massive amount of sorting out emotionally – but he is there for the long run whether I like it or not and it really is starting to work.
He basically sees me as a toddler that behaved badly to get his attention and now he is wrapping his arms around me and telling me he loves me no matter what – hourly … And refuses to believe we will be anything other than happily married ever after. It’s hard not to believe in that!
No matter what – I am proud of his determination not to allow this affair to kill our marriage and for the tremendous effort and work he has invested to ensure that our family remains just that. Our family.
Honestly? I really am not proud of him at all. All the things I might dredge up are only necessary because of his affair. He eventually ended it. He didn’t leave. He didn’t actually have intercourse (not even sure I believe that one). He didn’t let her come to our house. He is now trying to be nice. He is no longer in contact with her. He is now starting to do small things to plan for our children’s future. He was and remains helpful round the house.
Well he should have always been helpful and nice and a decent parent. And he wouldn’t HAVE to keep his email and phone accessible to me or go no contact or do any of the other things – except he had an affair. A bad one.
So where I used to be proud of him being strong of character, wise, honest, level headed, loving and also smart – I’m not anymore. I don’t think he is any of those things and may never have been them, he just hasn’t been tested.
To be proud of what is minimally decent after such emotional violence? That seems crazy.